Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Project Runway All Stars” (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Thirteen former contestants return for another shot at slapping together some hideous dresses.
“American Stuffers” (Animal Planet 8 p.m.) I suppose it was inevitable—what with cable TV’s continuing quest to document the least fascinating careers on the planet (shrimp fishermen, abandoned storage shed buyers, cupcake makers, pest exterminators)—that we’d wind up here. Taxidermists.
“Wizards of Waverly Place” (Disney 9 p.m.) It’s the series finale. Oh, no. What’s Selena Gomez gonna do ... other than have furious premarital sex with Justin Bieber?
“Portlandia” (IFC 8 p.m.) The only actually funny sketch comedy show on TV returns for a second season.
Walking the Halls (Lifetime 6 p.m.) A woman learns that her daughter and a group of cheerleaders are moonlighting as escorts for wealthy men. ... Oh, Lifetime, I’ve missed your trashy, white, upper-middle-class paranoia fuel.
“Secret Service Secrets” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Given that they’re—you know—the Secret Service, isn’t pretty much anything they do secret?
“Jig” (TLC 6 p.m.) TLC travels to the World Irish Dancing Championships. I’m guessing “World” is kind of a stretch. Does Michael Flatley have a lot of devotees in Sri Lanka?
“The Firm” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Yes, it’s based on John Grisham’s best-selling novel and Sydney Pollack’s hit film. The only thing missing now is Tom Cruise running around in a suit. So ... it’s basically just another lawyer show.
“Gator Boys” (Animal Planet 7 p.m.) AnPlan shows up late to the whole Southern hicksploitation reality show genre (“Swamp Men,” “Swamp People,” “Swamp Brothers”).
“Cajun Pawn Stars” (History 8 p.m.) Speaking of Southern hicksploitation, History Channel sticks the word “Cajun” on its “Pawn Stars” franchise and calls it a spin-off. I hope there will be plenty of gator hocking!
“House of Lies” (Showtime 8 p.m.) Don Cheadle and Kristen Bell star in this comic series about a team of brainy, fast-talking con men (and women) posing as management consultants to swindle corporate fat cats out of their millions.
“First Week In” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Discovery follows nervous, newbie convicts as they check into the graybar hotel for the very first time.
“Shipping Wars” (A&E 7 p.m.) Thankfully, this is not some lame rip-off of “Storage Wars”—only with people buying abandoned shipping containers instead of abandoned storage lockers. Instead, it’s a docu-reality show about a moving company. ... Huh. Suddenly, that show about abandoned shipping containers sounds kinda interesting.
“People’s Choice Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Keep in mind that “people” tend to choose stuff like Justin Bieber, “Keeping Up With the Kardashians” and anything Twilight-related.
“I Cloned My Pet” (TLC 7 p.m.) Wait. Did you clone your pet, or did you pay someone to clone your pet for you? There’s a difference, you know.
“Are You There, Chelsea?” (KOB-4 7:30 p.m.) Comedienne Chelsea Handler stars in this semiautobiographical sitcom—but not as Chelsea Handler. Laura Prepon from “That ’70s Show” stars as Chelsea. Chelsea stars as her sister Sloane. Confused?