Week in Sloth

The Week in Sloth

Thursday 9

“Party Like” (National Geographic 6 p.m.) Ever wonder how the queen of France, a Roman emperor or other historically decadent figures got jiggy with it? NG’s new series explains.

“Mudcats” (History 8 p.m.) History continues with TV’s current “hillbilly chic” trend. Here’s another docu-reality show about handfishing.

Friday 10

“NFL Characters Unite” (USA 5 p.m.) Since the season is over, NFL stars like Hines Ward, Jimmy Graham and Tony Dungy share inspirational tales of overcoming discrimination and adversity.

“Last Dates Before I Do” (CMT 11 p.m.) I suspect CMT is deliberately trying to inspire sad country songs by sending a nice, Christian couple off on a bunch of “The Bachelor”-style dates with other people before they tie the knot.

Saturday 11

Cupid (Hallmark 6 p.m.) Now that another holiday has rolled around, Hallmark Channel breathes a sigh of relief and starts cranking out the sentimental movies.

Jules Verne’s The Mysterious Island (Syfy 7 p.m.) If Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson can put a multimillion-dollar version of Mysterious Island in theaters, Syfy can make a cheapjack knockoff staring the chick from that awful “Flash Gordon” series.

“The Bronson Pinchot Project” (DIY 8:30 p.m.) Would part of the project involve remembering who the hell Bronson Pinchot is?

Sunday 12

“The 2012 Orange British Academy Film Awards” (BBC America 6 p.m.) How do you know who to vote for in the Best Acting categories when everybody’s British?

“The 54th Annual Grammy Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) LL Cool J becomes the first official host of the Grammys in seven years. ... So, they were holding out for the likes of LL Cool J?

“Comic Book Men” (AMC 8 p.m.) Kevin Smith’s New Jersey comic book store Jay & Silent Bob’s Secret Stash gets its own reality show.

“Full Metal Jousting” (History 8 p.m.) And you thought National Geographic’s jousting reality show “Knights of Mayhem” was more than enough. I sense a TV trend, people: Hillbilly morons are out, medieval dweebs are in.

Monday 13

“The 136th Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show” (USA 6 p.m.) Football season is officially over. Time to start betting on Best in Show.

“Fashion Police: The 2012 Grammy Awards” (E! 11 p.m.) Somebody’s gonna be talking smack about LL Cool J’s Kangol.

Tuesday 14

“The Ring Leader” (Bravo 5 p.m.) I realize you aren’t the most macho station on the dial, Bravo. But we’ve moved loooong past docu-reality shows about wedding planners and on to docu-reality shows about idiots who think they’re knights. Get with the program, will ya?

“Cougar Town” (KOAT-7 7:30 p.m.) The one good thing that can be said about the hideous crash and burn of the cross-dressing sitcom “Work It” is that it made room for the return of the criminally underappreciated “Cougar Town.”

Wednesday 15

“Survivor” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Twenty-four seasons in and no one has actually died on this show? How dare you call yourself “Survivor,” sir.