“Sex in the Stone Age” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) So, were our ancestors boning those Neanderthals or not? I’m gonna go with “Hellz yeah.”
“Eagleheart” (Cartoon Network 1 a.m.) Adult Swim’s ridiculous (live-action) parody of “Walker, Texas Ranger” starring Chris Elliott (Cabin Boy) returns for a second season.
“ACM Presents: Lionel Richie and Friends—In Concert” (KRQE-13 8 p.m.) Whoa. Who made Lionel Richie cool again?
The Iron Rose (TCM 12 a.m.) If you’d seen one of the fifty-odd films French horror provocateur Jean Rollin directed, you’d sure as hell remember it. (Not that the guy doesn’t have his fans.) His impenetrably arty, softcore schlock invariably features lesbians, vampires or lesbian vampires. Oddly, this early (1973) effort does not. As a result, most people call it one of his best. In it, a man and a woman wander around a graveyard, freak out and get all metaphysical. It’s still kinda pretentious, but it’s got atmosphere.
Titanic (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Impatient or unconfident, ABC burns out the first three parts of its new Titanic miniseries written by “Downton Abbey” scribe Julian Fellowes tonight. Part 4 hits Sunday at 8 p.m.
“Titanic at 100: Mystery Solved” (History 6 p.m.) Until, you know, the 125th anniversary, at which point we come up with a bunch more mysteries to solve.
“Rebuilding Titanic” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) Obviously, we’re still mired in that rabid Titanic anniversary frenzy.
“Girls” (HBO 8:30 p.m.) Up-and-coming indie auteur Lena Dunham (Tiny Furniture) contributes this comedy series about a group of average girls navigating their 20s.
“NYC 22” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) Yeah, it’s another New York cop drama. But it’s produced by Robert De Niro, directed by James Mangold (Walk the Line, 3:10 to Yuma) and written by Richard Price (The Wanderers, The Color of Money, Clockers). That’s gotta count for something.
Spring Break (TCM 6 p.m.) Turner Classic Movies goes on spring break every night this week with beach-going classics. The party starts tonight with 1960’s Where the Boys Are and continues with nostalgic drive-in fare like Palm Springs Weekend, Gidget, Ride the Wild Surf, The Endless Summer and Blue Hawaii. Just do yourself a favor and skip anything with Frankie and Annette.
“Amish: Out of the Order” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) How the hell do you shoot a docu-reality show about the Amish? ... Ex-Amish? OK, I guess that works.
“Push Girls” (Sundance 11 p.m.) Sure, a docu-reality series about four “differently abled” ladies sounds inspiring. But unless they’re getting drunk and trashing one another’s rich husbands, this ain’t gonna fly.
“Park Secrets” (Travel 6 p.m.) Wanna know the best food, most unique hotels and secret adventures of America’s national parks? ... I just wanna know where the bathrooms are.