Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Justin Bieber: All Around the World” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) They keep talking about “Bieber fever,” but all I get is a Bieber headache.
“America’s Worst Tattoos” (TLC 8 p.m.) After all that basic cable has done to popularize the art of putting creepy portraits of dead family members on people’s skin, the least it could do is offer up this schadenfreude-filled show.
“Snooki & JWOWW” (MTV 11 p.m.) Thank God MTV green-lighted this spin-off. Now we can spend some intimate time with the ladies and really concentrate on what makes Snooki and JWOWW tick.
“Posh Pets: Lifestyles of the Rich & Furry” (HGTV 7 p.m.) Oh, great. Thanks to reality TV, we already hate all the rich and famous people in America. Now we have to start hating their pets as well?
“Big Baboon House” (National Geographic Wild 6 p.m.) Funny that ABC is getting sued over “Glass House” being a rip-off of CBS’ “Big Brother.” Because here’s another exact rip-off: A bunch of hormone-addled young idiots locked in a luxury mansion and watched by cameras 24/7. The only difference here? The roommates are all baboons. No, seriously.
Arachnoquake (Syfy 7 p.m.) Apparently, there are times when Syfy’s patented Word Blender coughs up a loser. This one should have been dropped in the wastebin next to Dinotwister and Guactopus.
“2012 U.S. Olympic Team Trials: Field Hockey” (NBCSN 11:30 a.m.) Warm up for this summer’s unending Olympic coverage by finding out who lands a spot on the U.S. Women’s Field Hockey team.
“The Great Escape” (TNT 8 p.m.) In TNT’s newest reality show competition, teams must use brains and brawn to escape from famous locations. Stop No 1: Alcatraz. Good luck with that.
“The Newsroom” (HBO 8 p.m.) “The West Wing” creator Aaron Sorkin delves into the world of cable news with this behind-the-scenes drama starring Jeff Daniels as a fed-up network news anchor.
“Aqua Something You Know Whatever” (Cartoon Network 1 a.m.) Adult Swim’s surreal toon “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” changed its name to “Aqua Unit Patrol Squad 1” for the eighth season. For Season 9, things are getting even more ridiculous.
“Breaking From Above” (TeenNick 6:30 p.m.) TeenNick reruns this MTV UK series in which Matthew Knowles (daddy to Beyoncé) tries to do the “Making the Band” thing with seven wannabe divas.
“Craft Wars” (TLC 8 p.m.) Break out the hot-glue guns and the glitter. Tori Spelling hosts this bloody, “crafting”-centric reality competition.
“Final Witness” (KOAT-7 9 p.m.) This sensationalized but newsy documentary series “offers a unique look at some of the nation’s most shocking murders.” Hey, it work’s for “Dateline NBC.”
“The Real World” (MTV 11 p.m.) Hard to believe this is rolling into its 27th season. If “The Real World” were a person, it would be way too old to appear on this show.