“Code: 9” (Disney 9 p.m.) Kids prank their parents on camera. Hey, if Ashton Kutcher can do it on “Punk’d” and old people can do it on “Betty White’s Off Their Rockers,” why not let the kids have a go?
“3” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) Yup. Dating show with three girls competing for guys. Death of culture and civilization continues unimpeded.
“2012 Olympic Summer Games” (KOB-4 6:30 p.m.) Tonight is the opening ceremony. You’re not patriotically obliged to watch again after the Parade of Nations hits the letter “U.” But you’ll probably tune in and out over the next 16 nights anyway, catching snippets of beach volleyball, high diving and the hammer throw. See, watching the Olympics is kinda like landing a new boyfriend or girlfriend—you may find yourselves getting pulled deeply into things you’re not actually remotely interested in.
“William Shatner’s Get a Life!” (Epix 6 p.m.) First it was an “SNL” skit, then it was a book. Now William Shatner turns his nerd-baiting examination of “Star Trek” culture into a documentary.
“The Nerdist: Comic-Con” (BBC America 7 p.m.) Speaking of nerds, Chris Hardwick takes a look back at the phenomenon that was San Diego Comic-Con. Hopefully, he saw more than just the “Walking Dead” previews and Hobbit trailers everybody else slavishly covered this year.
The Philadelphia Experiment (Syfy 7 p.m.) The Philadelphia Experiment was allegedly a secret government project in the 1943 that tried to turn a battleship invisible. It was also allegedly a cheapjack movie in 1984 that starred Michael Paré (Eddie and the Cruisers, Streets of Fire). Paré is in this belated sequel, because ... why the hell not?
“Strange Sex” (TLC 8:30 p.m.) Tonight’s episode is titled “Broken Genitalia.” And that, in a nutshell, is why I don’t watch this show.
“Scooby-Doo: Mystery Incorporated” (Cartoon Network 3 p.m.) Season 2 of CN’s shockingly well written “Scooby-Doo” revamp finally gets underway. According to WB, several other famous Hanna-Barbera characters will be making cameos this season. What, like Goober and the Ghost Chasers? God, the Scooby Gang should totally kick their copycat asses.
“Off the Hook: Extreme Catches” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Five years ago, if you’d have told me we’d be riding the crest of a white-hot wave of fishing shows on TV, I’d have nodded off while you were talking.
“Rat Bastards” (Spike 8:30 p.m.) If you want to see how low reality TV has sunk, check this out: We’ve had our fill of hog hunters, crocodile hunters and catfish noodlers. Here, then, is a show about people in Louisiana who hunt nutria. That’s a large South American rodent. So, yes, an entire hour of hillbillies pumping giant swamp rats full of bullets. It don’t get no better than that!
“My Teen’s Pregnant and So Am I” (TLC 8 p.m.) Wrong! “I’m a Horrible Person Who Would Do Anything to Get on Television.”