“The 2012 Vice Presidential Debate” (KASA-2/KOB-4/KNME-5/KOAT-7/KRQE-13 7 p.m.) Ah, the vice presidential debate: The opening band for The Rolling Stones of the political world.
“Beauty and the Beast” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) The CW reboots the ’80s urban fantasy series. Kristin Kreuk (“Smallville”) replaces Linda Hamilton, and the beast is no longer a monster, but a super-hunky super-soldier with a scar.
“Little Shop of Gypsies” (TLC 8 p.m.) Gypsies aren’t as popular as rednecks or the Amish when it comes to reality television, but they’re easy enough to stereotype and will do in a pinch.
“The Greatest Event in Television History” (Cartoon Network 1 a.m.) I can’t give you a lot of details, but I can tell you it features Adam Scott (“Parks and Recreation”) and Jon Hamm (“Mad Men”).
“Dog With a Blog” (Disney 10:40 p.m.) It’s a live-action sitcom about a talking dog. Who writes his own blog. OK, I buy the talking part. But the blogging part?
American Horror House (Syfy 7 p.m.) Not to be confused with FX’s “American Horror Story,” which restarts this week—except, of course, that it probably is to be confused with “American Horror Story.” Just take out Jessica Lange and substitute Morgan Fairchild. Same diff.
“The Walking Dead” (AMC 7 p.m.) AMC’s zombie-riffic horror-drama returns with a prison-centric new season.
“Secrets of Secret Societies” (Discovery 8 p.m.) But if they’re secret societies to begin with, wouldn’t it just be “Average Everyday Facts About Secret Societies”? I mean, by definition, everything about them is secret.
“My Shopping Addiction” (Oxygen Midnight) Or “My Shameless Ticket to Reality Show Fame.” Take your pick.
“Dear Dracula” (Cartoon Network 8 p.m.) Emilio Estevez and Ray Liotta star in this short movie about a kid who writes a fan letter to Dracula. Based on the comic book by Joshua Williamson.
“Emily Owens, M.D.” (KWBQ-19 8 p.m.) Remember the joke show “Single Female Lawyer” on “Futurama”? Welcome to “Single Female Doctor.”
“Tattoo Nightmares” (Spike 9 p.m.) Nope. You will totally never regret that sweet Sugar Ray tattoo you got in 1997.
“Underemployed” (MTV 11 p.m.) From the creator of “Dirty Sexy Money” comes this dramedy about today’s twentysomethings—who are quite different from the twentysomethings MTV used to cater to. Or so I gather.
World Without End (Reelz 6 p.m.) If you dug the Ken Follett mini-series Pillars of the Earth, you’ll probably like this medieval-minded follow-up.
“My Giant Face Tumor” (TLC 7 p.m.) Almost as enjoyable as “My Explosive Diarrhea.”
“My Life is a Lifetime Movie” (Lifetime 8 p.m.) You’ve gotta give Lifetime some credit for snarky self-awareness with this confessional reality show.
“American Horror Story: Asylum” (FX 11 p.m.) If you missed the first twisted season of “American Horror Story,” don’t panic. This second season takes most of the same actors and casts them in different roles in a whole new story.