“A Snow White Christmas: Opening Night” (Ovation 6 p.m.) This new docu-reality show takes a behind-the-scenes look at “American Idol” producer Nigel Lythgoe’s quest to bring “panto” (read: traditional, cheesy, holiday) theater to America.
“Along for the Bride” (TLC 8 p.m.) Oops. TV has discovered yet another unused, bridal-based pun, so we must be subjected to one more reality show about wedding planning.
“iCarly: iGoodbye” (Nickelodeon 6 p.m.) Tween vlogger Carly (Miranda Cosgrove) says so long to her long-running Nickelodeon show. Cosgrove’s got better things to do now—like date a member of One Direction. I’m guessing.
“Trapped in the Closet: The Next Installment” (IFC 7 p.m.) Show up at 5 p.m. for a “Deluxe Edition” of R. Kelly’s epic “hip hopera.” Or cut to the chase and switch over at 7 p.m. to catch the long-awaited 23rd chapter! Will he ever get out of that damn closet?
“It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!” (KRQE-13 8:30 p.m.) Traitorous SpongeBob Squarepants ditches Nickelodeon for a holiday trip to CBS.
Naughty or Nice (Hallmark 6 p.m.) OK, Hallmark and Lifetime, you get one holiday movie listing per week and one actor mention. Hallmark, yours is Meredith Baxter.
The March Sisters at Christmas (Lifetime 6 p.m.) Lifetime, you get Kaitlin Doubleday. The girl from the Geico “Caveman” sitcom? That’s the best you can do? Try harder next week.
Dungeons & Dragons: The Book of Vile Darkness (Syfy 7 p.m.) “The Book of Vile Darkness” is totally something I would have come up with for D&D when I was 13.
Liz & Dick (Lifetime 7 p.m.) Feel free to gawk at the train wreck that is Lindsay Lohan’s career—emulating Elizabeth Taylor in a made-for-TV biopic.
“Downton Abbey Revisited” (KNME-5 8 p.m.) They’re teasing us with a “behind the scenes” special. That means a new season can’t be far off.
“RuPaul’s All-Stars Drag Race” (Logo 10 p.m.) Who will be crowned the first all-star drag queen? What will RuPaul wear to the ceremony? Why is ’90s “SNL” alum Cheri Oteri here?
“Dancing With the Stars” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) “DWS” hands the Mirror Ball Trophy to its 15th champion. At least they use real “stars” here—unlike that cheap “RuPaul’s All-Stars Drag Race.” Why not get Apolo Anton Ohno, Joey Fatone, Emmitt Smith and Bristol Palin all dressed up like women, Logo?
“Christmas in Rockefeller Center” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) Apparently this year’s tree is a Hurricane Sandy survivor. ... At least it was until they cut it down and covered it in Christmas lights.
“Love You, Mean It with Whitney Cummings” (E! 11:30 p.m.) Comedian Whitney Cummings gets a talk show on E!, because there’s only so much Chelsea Handler to go around.