Last Man Standing
One and a Half Men Hate “Two and a Half Men”
When Charlie Sheen had his public meltdown last year, rambling about “tiger blood,” insulting the producer of his TV show “Two and a Half Men” and demanding a pay raise, he seemed like just another Hollywood casualty. But now, just over a year later, we find our ourselves glued to our gossip shows watching another star of “Two and a Half Men” freak out over the show. What in the name of Adonis DNA is going on here?
Watching the widely circulated viral video of teen actor Angus T. Jones (he plays the half man) cheerfully calling himself a “paid hypocrite” and denouncing his sitcom as “filth” caused several explanations to leap to mind. It is possible that “Two and a Half Man” has been laboring under some form of gypsy curse, forcing the show to suffer weird setback after weird setback. Also, it’s conceivable that a rare strain of black mold has infiltrated the show’s set, causing various cast members to suffer partial brain damage. Or it could be that Mr. Jones is perfectly correct in intimating the production is the work of Satan.
Jones’ statements were recorded in October 2012—apparently in his trailer on the Warner Bros. lot. But they hit the big time when they were posted on YouTube in November by ForeRunner Chronicles, a Seventh-Day Adventist ministry run by Christopher Hudson. Jones says he’s had a religious awakening and been baptized into the Seventh-Day Adventist church, a conservative Christian denomination noted mostly for its preference for Saturdays over Sundays. In the interview with Hudson, 19-year-old Jones urges viewers, “If you watch ‘Two and a Half Men,’ please stop watching ‘Two and a Half Men.’ I’m on ‘Two and a Half Men,’ and I don't want to be on it. Please stop watching it, please stop filling your head with filth.”
It’s rare that I agree with evangelical Christians, but Jones is correct. “Two and and Half Men” is complete crap—a fact that hasn’t been leavened any by the replacement of Charlie Sheen with Ashton Kutcher. Our reasons for arriving at this conclusion, however, are quite different. Jones warns fans to “Watch out. A lot of people don’t like to think about how deceptive the enemy is. He’s been doing this for a lot longer than any of us have been around.” It’s possible he’s referring to the show’s producer Chuck Lorre, who’s been doing “this” since 1993’s “Grace Under Fire.” More likely, though, Jones is talking about Satan, whose preferred method of recruiting the damned now appears to involve lousy network sitcoms.
The blowback against Jones’s comments was swift. The Seventh-Day Adventist Church denounced Hudson as a wacky conspiracy theorist with whom they have no affiliation. (Hudson, for example, thinks Jay-Z is a Satan-worshipping Freemason, and Obama is in league with Hitler to promote health care.) Jones eventually apologized, saying he was “grateful” and “blessed” to be on the show (and to be making $320,000 an episode, one assumes). But the damage may already be done. Jones, no longer a chubby-cute 10-year-old, has already been written out of most plotlines this season. (His character was shipped off to military school.) Now a source “close to the show” has told E! Online that CBS will “likely” boot Jones next season. That’s assuming it returns at all. Ratings on “Two and a Half Men” have taken a tumble since Sheen left. If Jones departs as well, that will leave Jon Cryer to carry the “2&1/2M” flag—which we can all agree leaves the show with a severe dearth of manliness.