Week in Sloth
“Funeral Boss” (Discovery Health 8 p.m.) Following in the wake of TLC’s “Best Funeral Ever” comes another docu-reality series about a colorful funeral home business. Sure, every network on TV operates under the “Xerox” principle now, so why shouldn’t Discovery Health? Still, the “health” connection seems kinda tenuous. These people are already dead.
Return to Nim’s Island (Hallmark 6 p.m.) Remember the 2008 kids’ movie Nim’s Island starring Abigail Breslin, Gerard Butler and Jodie Foster? Neither do I. Here’s the sequel starring Steve Irwin’s offspring Bindi Irwin, Matthew Lillard (Scooby-Doo) and John Waters (sadly, not that John Waters).
The World According to Dick Cheney (Showtime 7 p.m.) Documentarian R.J. Cutler (A Perfect Candidate, The September Issue) tries to hold former Vice President Dick Cheney’s feet to the fire in this one-on-one interview-heavy doc. Good luck with that, Cutler.
“Young Justice” (Cartoon Network 11:30 p.m.) Cartoon Network cancels its popular DC Comics-based shows “Young Justice” and “Green Lantern: The Animated Series” with tonight’s finales. Get ‘em while you can, fans.
“Wicked Single” (VH1 9 p.m.) Reality shows about drunken, oversexed Italian-Americas are so passé. Reality shows about drunken, oversexed gypsies are on their way out. Reality shows about drunken, oversexed rednecks are peaking. What’s next? Reality shows about drunken, oversexed Boston Southies, of course!
“Playing With Fire” (E! 11 p.m.) E!’s new “unscripted” series looks into the lives of New York’s famed chefs, foodies, cookbook authors, tastemakers and culinary stars. Producers promise an appearance by “actress/baking connoisseur Jennifer Esposito.”
“Top of the Lake” (Sundance 10 p.m.) In this imported New Zealand crime series, a detective clashes with rurals while investigating the disappearance of a pregnant 12-year-old girl.
“Bates Motel” (A&E 8 p.m.) A&E turns Alfred Hitchcock’s famed 1960 horror film into a weekly series starring Freddie Highmore (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory) and Vera Farmiga (Up in the Air). Hopefully this fares better than Bates Motel, the failed 1987 TV pilot starring Bud Cort and Lori Petty.
“Gizmodo: The Gadget Testers” (BBC America 8:20 p.m.) Online digital culture blog Gizmodo lands its own TV show, giving gadgets, devices and household appliances the adrenaline-charged once-over.
“Splash” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Because there’s no way that just one celebrity diving show (FOX’s awful “Stars in Danger”) is enough for the American viewing public. Louie Anderson, Ndamukong Suh, Canadian extreme skier Rory “Bushy” Bushfield and a former Miss Alabama jumping into a pool? How can that not be the most entertainment you’ve ever had?
GLOW: The Story of the Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling (LOGO 10:10 p.m.) LOGO’s “What!?” documentary series checks in on the giant hair and crazy eyeliner extravaganza that was the late-’80s all-female wrestling league. Funny, I found it pretty heterosexual at the time.
“Urban Tarzan” (Spike 8:30 p.m.) Perhaps you were imagining some sort of crazed parkour-like competition. Nope. It’s about an “animal relocation specialist” in the Bronx.
“Foodiculous” (Travel 6 p.m.) Travel Channel continues to think it’s Food Network. Also, it sucks at coming up with titles.
Dark Matters presents: Horror Bites! at Guild Cinema
Celebrate the darkest day of the year with a collection of short films, including science fiction, horror and dark fantasy.
Untitled (Just Kidding) at CCA Cinematheque
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