Week in Sloth
“Forecasting the End” (Weather 7 p.m.) Weather Channel—which seems like it should be way more rational and calming about this sort of thing—gets into the doomsday business. Rogue planets, gamma ray bursts, methane explosion, supervolcano: Take your apocalyptic pick.
“Secret History of Gold: Revealed” (National Geographic 7 p.m.) Mankind’s fascination with the glittery stuff is examined in this special spanning time, culture and economics.
Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry (TCM Midnight) Peter Fonda and Susan George race around California in a souped-up ‘66 Impala with $150,000 in stolen cash in this 1974 exploitation favorite.
Girls with Guns (TCM 6 p.m.) TCM hands the airwaves and the ammunition over to the ladies tonight. The high-caliber fun starts with 1950’s Gun Crazy and continues with 1935’s Annie Oakley, 1980’s Gloria and 1991’s La Femme Nikita.
“The 26th Annual Kids’ Choice Awards 2013” (Nickelodeon 6 p.m.) Josh Duhamel hosts. Sorry, kids. It’s better than Dane Cook. Not as good as Ryan Reynolds.
Chupacabra vs. The Alamo (Syfy 7 p.m.) Just drop the mic and walk away, Syfy. You’ve won. You don’t even have to mention that Eric Estrada is in this one. The title alone is enough.
Phil Spector (HBO 7 p.m.) If you had to pick one actor to play looney, egotistical, record producing murderer Phil Spector in a made-for-TV biopic, it would be Al Pacino. If you had to pick one actor to play his lawyer, Linda Kenney Baden, I don’t know that you’d choose Helen Mirren (mostly because you probably have no idea who Linda Kenney Baden is). But it sounds like an awesome combination, doesn’t it?
“Monsters and Mysteries of America” (Destination 8 p.m.) The one thing keeping us from proving the existence of Bigfoot is that there just aren’t enough TV shows out there looking for him. 15 or 20 more of these suckers, and we’ll be golden!
“Max Steel” (Disney XD 2 p.m.) Mattel’s 2000-era G.I. Joe rip-off gets a CGI reboot.
“Revolution” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) The only show anybody was watching on NBC finally returns to the lineup.
“Prospectors” (Weather 7 p.m.) Not sure what prospecting has to do with weather, but here’s another one of those get-rich-quick-style docu-reality shows. Instead of digging for gold (TLC’s “Gold Rush”) or oil (truTV’s “Black Gold”), these folks (including a “former model”) are digging for precious gems.
“The Definitive Guide to Aliens: How to Prepare” (Science 8 p.m.) This is just what those crazy doomsday preppers need—another loopy, purely imagined apocalypse to get ready for.
“The Real World: Portland” (MTV 11 p.m.) Hard to believe, but MTV’s venerable reality show enters its 28th season—making it four years too old to actually appear on this show.
“Blade Runner: The Untold Story” (TLC 8 p.m.) Not the movie, sadly, but the crazy South African runner with no legs who killed his reality TV star girlfriend .