Week in Sloth
“America’s Worst Tattoos” (TLC 7 p.m.) Finally! Somebody has started making TV shows out of Reddit subs. Hopefully kitteh gifs and fake child porn are close behind.
“Hannibal” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Hollywood already tried to do the “young Hannibal Lecter” thing with 2007’s Hannibal Rising. People weren’t all that interested in a movie with a teenaged cannibalistic serial killer as a protagonist. Obviously the only thing missing from that story was the restrictions of mainstream, prime-time television. At least the casting for this new show, which pairs Hugh (King Arthur) Dancy’s FBI agent Will Graham with Mads (Casino Royale) Mikkelsen’s nutty psychologist Dr. Hannibal Lecter as a crime-solving duo, is sharp.
“VICE” (HBO 9 p.m.) OK, so HBO is a little late inviting VICE magazine to the party. Still it’s encouraging to see somebody broadcasting an alternative news magazine on TV—even if it does have an occasional Lonely Planet-meets-“Jackass” vibe to it.
“Garage Gold” (DIY 5 p.m.) Toss another “buying and selling people’s old crap” show on the pile.
A Mother’s Rage (Lifetime 6 p.m.) Fans of late-’80s sitcoms rejoice! Lori Loughlin (“Full House”) and Ted McGinley ( “Married... With Children”) star in this thriller about a woman and her daughter being stalked on a road trip.
Battledogs (Syfy 7 p.m.) ‘Member Battletoads, the amphibious, early-’90s knockoff of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? They’ve got nothing to do with this movie about werewolf soldiers. Sadly.
“The 48th Annual Academy of Country Music Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) At the very least this music award show will give you a respite from Justin Bieber.
“Mad Men” (AMC 7 p.m.) The two-hour, sixth season premiere gets underway. Hopefully it will answer the questions last season left us with. Will Don cheat on his hot, crazy wife? Will Peggy ever find happiness? Will Pete get his shit together? Will Roger put on some pants?
“Defiance: The Making of Defiance” (Syfy 9 p.m.) Syfy is so confident in its new alien invasion series, it’s giving us a “making of” special a full week before the series premiere.
“Ready for Love” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) Sure there are dozens of reality dating shows on TV, but this is the only one produced by Eva Longoria. Kinda like “South Beach Tow” is the only car-towing reality show produced by Jennifer Lopez.
Ladies Man: A MADE Movie (MTV 10 p.m.) MTV’s reality series “MADE” gets a jokey makeover of its own—as a comedy movie. In it, an awkward college freshman (Step Up Revolution’s Ryan Guzman), forever stuck in the “friendzone,” gets a makeover and turns into a super stud.
“Deep South Paranormal” (Syfy 8 p.m.) There was some hope that Syfy had gotten over these lame ghost hunter reality shows. Those hopes were premature. ... Hey, at least they stirred in some trendy redneck/bayou elements for flavor.