Week in Sloth
Blast Vegas (Syfy 7 p.m.) Las Vegas is destroyed by a giant haboob (a word everybody loves to say). Frankie Muniz (“Malcolm in the Middle”) and Barry Bostwick (The Rocky Horror Picture Show) are there to witness it. Eh, it’s no Sharknado, but we’ll take it. Haboob.
Teen Beach Movie (Disney 6 p.m.) Two teen surfers find themselves magically transported into a 1960s movie musical. The director/choreographer, Jeffrey Hornaday, did Flashdance and A Chorus Line—so he kinda knows what he’s doing.
“Broadway Bash” (Ovation 8 p.m.) A panel of theater vets, fans, Broadway hopefuls and special guests take a behind-the-scenes look at each episode, plotline, character, song and performance of the musical drama “Smash.” Yeah, it was mostly crummy and NBC canceled it, but Ovation is showing reruns. And apparently, analyzing the living crap out of them.
“Debbie Macomber’s Cedar Cove” (Hallmark 6 p.m.) Hallmark’s first original prime-time series is naturally based on a series of romance novels and stars Andie MacDowell as a judge in a “small lakeside town full of romance and drama.” I imagine it also emits the smell of lilac candles.
“ADHD” (KASA-2 8:30 p.m.) FOX finally gives us a sneak peek at two of the shows in its late-night Animation Domination High Def programming block (premiering on Saturday, July 27). Tonight we get a look at “Axe Cop” (based on the awesome comic by Ethan Nicolle and his 5-year-old brother) and “High School USA!” (a twisted take on Archie Comics).
“Tattoo Rescue” (Spike 8 p.m.) Like all those bar and restaurant renovation shows, this new series features “experts” showing tattoo shop owners how to make over their failing businesses. Hopefully, with a little work, these dark, dingy, drunken biker-filled places can attract a much higher class of drunken biker.
Cat. 8 (Reelz 6 p.m.) Reelz Channel seems determined lately to steal Syfy’s cheesy disaster movie crown. But unless you’ve got some sharks inside those apocalyptic solar flares, my friends, you’re a day late and a dollar short.
“Supermarket Superstar” (Lifetime 8 p.m.) Think “Shark Tank,” but only for food products.
“Who Do You Think You Are?” (TLC 7 p.m.) NBC’s famous person genealogy show makes the jump to TLC after three seasons. Kelly Clarkson is the first “at bat” for TLC.
“The Vineyard” (ABC Family 8 p.m.) The Jersey Shore has a reality show. Some trailer park in Myrtle Beach has a reality show. Why doesn’t Martha’s Vineyard? ABC Family rectifies the oversight.
“Spell-Mageddon” (ABC Family 7 p.m.) ABC Family tries to make spelling bees vaguely interesting by having people run though wacky obstacle courses while shouting out letters of the alphabet.
“Joe Rogan Questions Everything” (Syfy 8 p.m.) Oh, thank god! Syfy is finally going to find Bigfoot, the Loch Ness Monster and positive proof of space aliens now that comedian/UFC commentator Joe Rogan is on the case.