Alibi V.22 No.30 • July 25-31, 2013 

Week in Sloth

Hell’s Kitchen Finale

Thursday 25

“Big Brother Live” (CBS 7 p.m.) Don’t watch it. Smarmy little weasels lying, voting, evicting and backstabbing. I hate this show.

“Hells Kitchen Finale” (Fox 7 p.m.) Someone is bound to throw a hissy fit and a spatula. Host chef Gordon Ramsay will announce the final two chefs and take them to Vegas, where they’ll chop and sizzle until only one is left standing. Great. Now I’m hungry.

Friday 26

David Phelps Classic (PBS 8 p.m.) If you’re home on a Friday and you aren’t reading a book or having sex, you deserve to watch some world-class, Grammy-winning opera guy sing his guts out with an orchestra at the Franklin Theatre in Tennessee. La-la-laaaaaaa!

Saturday 27

“Being Human” (BBC 8 p.m.) As you may or may not know, this show is coming to an end soon. Sadly. So here’s your chance to get in on the build-up to whatever apocalyptic ending they have in store for us. I really have enjoyed the past five seasons. But, unlike the vampire, the werewolf and the ghost, some shows gotta die sometime. This week, Tom (Michael Socha) learns to be successful from a werewolf mentor. Grrrrr.

Sunday 28

“Masterpiece Mystery: Endeavour” (PBS 7 p.m.) I love me some mystery. And this puppy takes us back in time to see how one of our favorite detectives, Inspector Endeavour Morse (Shaun Evans), was formed. In tonight’s episode, he helps hunt for a missing Oxford schoolgirl. Bloody good!

Monday 29

“Longmire” (A&E 11 p.m.) The show is back with more new episodes starting tonight—as things heat up between Longmire (the awesome Robert Taylor), his deputy (Bailey Chase) and his daughter (Cassidy Freeman). Politics, sex, family and crime. Look out, baby. This is intense.

Tuesday 30

“Lonesome Dove” (AMC 4 p.m.-midnight) Load up on jerky and biscuits, a canteen of water and another of whiskey, and get ready to watch the best miniseries ever—ever—created. It hails from back in 1989, and it's timeless: best writing and story and great acting by the likes of Robert Duvall, Tommy Lee Jones, Diane Lane, Anjelica Huston, Danny Glover and a hell of a performance by the late Robert Urich. G’head. Make a late night of it.

Wednesday 31

Do Something Awards (VH1 9 p.m.) Ha! I got your entitlement right here.This gala is all about social activism and community service. I like that. Last year Ben Affleck was host and this year? Well, no one seems to know, not even VH1 (at press time anyway). But it's VH1, for heaven's sake, so entertainment will no doubt ensue. Celebs being honored for their good works are Jennifer Hudson, Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Kelly Osbourne, LL Cool J and Patrick Dempsey. Applause for all!