Week in Sloth
“The 2013 Young Hollywood Awards” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) Thank god somebody’s finally giving young people a little credit in Hollywood. That town is so damn obsessed with the elderly. Finally a chance to see non-wrinkled faces for a change.
“Hatfields & McCoys: White Lightning” (History 8 p.m.) Turns out all it took for the Hatfield and McCoy clans to stop their fussin’ and feudin’ was a joint contract for a redneck reality show.
“Obsessed With the Dress” (WE 8 p.m.) A former beauty queen named Michele Strom owns a dress shop in Omaha, Neb. Naturally this qualifies her to have her own reality show.
“Saint Hoods” (Discovery 8 p.m.) Cable TV keeps trying (”Wicked Single,” “Southie Rules”), but Boston just isn’t becoming the next New Jersey of reality shows. Discovery’s newest attempt to turn Southie into the Jersey Shore concentrates on neighborhood “crews”—basically notorious groups of illegal sports bookers.
“Rabbids Invasion” (Nickelodeon 9:30 a.m.) The Raving Rabbids have been a goldmine for videogame company Ubisoft. Now the moronic alien rabbits make the leap from home console to television with this chaotic animated series.
“Wrestlemania 29: The World Television Premiere” (KOB-4 8 p.m.) A good, solid decade or two after its peak cultural significance, WWE’s Wrestlemania comes to network television. The highlight is a “rematch” between John Cena and The Rock (who seems like he should have better things to do these days).
“Zero Hour” (KOAT-7 8 p.m.) If you’ve been following the summer burn-off of ABC’s increasingly ridiculous (and long since canceled) global conspiracy theory thriller, you’ll be sad to note that tonight is the series finale.
“Air Jaws: Countdown to Shark Week 2013” (Discovery 6 p.m.) Those giant, man-eating sharks flying though the air can only mean one thing: It’s time for another Discovery Shark Week!
“RIDE-iculous” (Travel 6:30 p.m.) Travel Channel hits the four corners of the earth looking for “the most insane, gut-wrenching rides and adrenaline attractions.”
Casting By (HBO 7 p.m.) Martin Scorsese, Woody Allen, Robert Duvall, Glenn Close and Al Pacino are among the stars discussing the importance of casting directors in Hollywood.
“Voodoo Shark” (Discovery 8 p.m.) It’s no Sharknado, but you’re giving Syfy some seriously good ideas here, Discovery.
“The Legend of Shelby the Swamp Man” (History 8 p.m.) If you’re like me, you’ve been desperate for an “Ax Men” spinoff featuring Shelby “Swamp Man” Stanga. Thrill to his real-life redneck adventures as he buys a new houseboat, works odd jobs to earn money and uses an escalator for the first time. Not joking about any of that, by the way.
“Sex, Lies and Zumba” (TLC 8 p.m.) Ten years ago this documentary account of the New England fitness instructor who led a secret life as a prostitute would have been called “Sex, Lies and Pilates.”
“Law & Order: UK” (BBC America 7 p.m.) There’s a “Law & Order: UK”? And it’s in its seventh season?