Week in Sloth
“Sharkpocalypse” (Discovery 7 p.m.) Sadly not a sequel to Sharknado.
Invasion Roswell (Syfy 7 p.m.) Sixty-six years after the UFO crash at Roswell, a group of over-the-hill commandos is pulled from retirement to fight off a belated alien invasion. Think Red but with CGI aliens. And Greg Evigan.
“The White Queen” (Starz 7:57 p.m.) The House of York and the House of Lancaster fight over who has the country’s true king in 1464 England. It’s like “Game of Thrones” only with (a bit) less sex and bloodshed.
“The Hills: Never-Before-Seen Alternate Ending” (MTV 12:30 a.m.) Do what now?
“Primeval: New World” (Syfy 3 p.m.) Syfy says “Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!” to this Canadian spin-off by burning season one’s final six episodes in a day-long marathon.
Clear History (HBO 7 p.m.) Greg Mottola (Adventureland) directs Larry David, Bill Hader, Jon Hamm, Kate Hudson, Michael Keaton, Danny McBride and Eva Mendes in this comedy about a marketing genius (David) who plots revenge against an electric car company executive (Hamm).
“Marvel’s Hulk and the Agents of S.M.A.S.H.” (Disney XD 9 a.m.) Musclebound Marvelites The Hulk, She-Hulk, Red Hulk, A-Bomb and Skaar unite to fight super-sized threats ... and to live together with a pet T-Rex and film a web series. No, really.
“Teen Choice Awards 2013” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Lemme guess: One Direction performs?
“Bad Ink” (A&E 8:01 p.m.) A couple years ago, there was a wave of tattoo-based reality shows. Naturally we’re now faced with a wave of tattoo-removal-based reality shows.
“Low Winter Sun” (AMC 8:04 p.m.) An across-the-pond transplant of a popular British series, this cops-and-robbers saga follows the trials and tribulations of Detroit Detective Frank Agnew (Mark Strong, Sherlock Holmes), who finds himself at the mercy of a corrupt fellow detective after he goes gunning for vengeance.
“Mythbusters” (TLC 8 p.m.) The Mythbusters are joined by “Breaking Bad” creator Vince Gilligan and actor Aaron Paul to debunk the science and chemistry of the hit crime series.
“Cash Dome Pawn” (truTV 7:30 p.m.) Is it even possible to shop at a pawn shop that doesn’t have its own reality show these days?
“Doomsday Castle” (National Geographic 8 p.m.) The craziest family from “Doomsday Preppers” (the one in North Carolina building an EMP-proof castle out of cinder blocks) gets its own reality show spin-off.
“Heroes of Cosplay” (Syfy 8:30 p.m.) “Cosplay” is a fancy nerd term for people who dress up as superheroes and the like at comic book conventions. Somebody on TV figured it was about time they had their own reality show competition.
“Porter Ridge” (Discovery 8:30 p.m.) TV’s love affair with hillbillies and rednecks continues with this new docu-reality series about some shirtless hicks in Indiana operating a junkyard.
“Let it Ride” (National Geographic 7 p.m.) Yup. Here’s another docu-reality show about motorcycle customizers to toss on the pile.