“Yukon Gold” (National Geographic 5pm) A docu-reality show about gold miners in Alaska. Isn’t this already a show? Like five times over?
“Baltimore Ravens at Denver Broncos” (KOB-4 6:30pm) Football season kicks off for real with Joe Flacco and the Ravens defending their title.
Ragin’ Cajun Redneck Gators (Syfy 7pm) So many questions. Just because they live in the swamp, does that really make them Cajun? Wouldn’t they have to be of French ancestry? And how could an alligator ever be considered a redneck? Their necks are clearly green. The part about them being mutated by toxic moonshine? I’m OK with that.
Teach (KRQE-13 7pm) CBS airs this socially conscious documentary about four public school teachers from around the country navigating the highs and lows of the 2012-13 school year.
Dear Dumb Diary (Hallmark 6pm) An imaginative middle schooler pours her heart into her diary while imagining full-blown musical numbers about how fabulous her life could be. Based on the book by Jim Benton.
“Hello Ross” (E! 8pm) Frequent “Chelsea Lately” guest Ross Matthews gets his own talk show in which he quizzes ordinary people about pop cultural happenings.
“Do No Harm” (KOB-4 9pm) Despite bombing and getting yanked off the air after two episodes, this Jekyll and Hyde medical drama nonetheless managed to squeeze off all 13 episodes over the summer. Tonight, for those who care, the series finale.
“Secret Sex Lives: Swingers” (Health 7pm) Well, as secret as you can get broadcasting it on nationwide cable TV.
“16 & Pregnant: Where Are They Now?” (MTV 3pm) I’m gonna go with 19 & broke.
“Last Tango in Halifax” (KNME-5 7pm) Before you go getting images of Marlon Brando and Maria Schneider in your head, you should realize this is a BBC production about two lovers (Derek Jacobi, Anne Reid) who reunite after 60 years.
“Boardwalk Empire” (HBO 7pm) HBO lets loose another season of its Depression-era gangster hit.
“Miami Monkey” (VH1 8pm) “Mob Wives” breakout star Angela Raiola (aka “Big Ang”) gets her own spin-off show in which she opens a bar in Miami. Or some crap.
Exploding Sun (Reelz 6pm) I get that you want to usurp Syfy’s disaster movie crown, Reelz. But your subject matter is depressingly apocalyptic.
“The Million Second Quiz” (KOB-4 7pm) NBC debuts a live, interactive game show that runs 24 hours a day whether you’re watching it or not. Ryan Seacrest hosts. As he must.
“Hero Dogs of 9/11” (Animal Planet 6pm) TV isn’t as excited about the 9/11 anniversary this year, but Animal Planet wins for best thematic iteration.
“King of Thrones” (DA 8pm) Nope, not a “Game of Thrones” spin-off, but a docu-reality show about bathroom renovators.
“Thieves, Inc.” (Food Network 8:30pm) Two not-