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 V.22 No.44 | October 31 - November 6, 2013 

Week in Sloth

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“Steven Universe” on Cartoon Network

Thursday 31

See “Idiot Box” above.

Friday 1

“It Takes a Choir” (USA 9pm) It seems like barbershop quartet is now the one remaining genre of music that doesn’t have three or four reality shows. So have at it TV. Ovation, I’m looking at you.

“Time of Death” (Showtime 7pm) Showtime debuts this theoretically comforting but really depressing-sounding documentary series profiling terminally ill people who are being supported by family, friends, health care professionals and hospice workers.

Saturday 2

The Thanksgiving House (Hallmark 6pm) Oooh. Hallmark fires a shot across the bow of all the other basic cable networks, airing a Thanksgiving-themed movie a mere two days after Halloween. At this rate we should start seeing the blizzard of made-for-TV movies in which Santa’s daughter gets amnesia and falls in love with a sleazy-yet-hunky corporate lawyer within the next couple of weeks.

Sunday 3

JFK: The Smoking Gun (Reelz 6pm) It’s the 50th anniversary of JFK’s assassination, and Reelz is all over it like white on rice. This docudrama, based on the book by Colin McLaren, finds a new theory to explain the age-old mystery of who killed our 35th president. It’s plausible, relying on no overly complicated conspiracy theories, but it’s among the least satisfying answers.

“Ax Men: Road to Season 7” (History 7pm) This hour-long recap special is here to remind you of all the things that happened in previous seasons on History’s tree-chopping reality show. Hint: It involved axes.

“Goin’ Pearl Crazy” (Animal Planet 7:30pm) You didn’t think “Dixie Divers” on Discovery was the only redneck pearl diving docu-reality show on this fall’s docket did you? Silly you.

Monday 4

“Steven Universe” (Cartoon Network 9pm) Steven is a chubby Earth kid, the newest and youngest member of the (formerly all-girl) Crystal Gems, a team of powerful galactic warriors. Since this cartoon is the work of Rebecca Sugar—former storyboard artist, writer and composer for “Adventure Time”—this one’s very much worth our attention.

Tuesday 5

“New Girl” (KASA-2 8pm) Trivia time: Damon Wayans Jr. was one of Zooey Deschanel’s original roommates, but he left after the pilot episode when his ABC sitcom “Happy Endings” was unexpectedly renewed for a second season. It got canceled shortly after that, and now he’s back!

Wednesday 6

“The 47th Annual CMA Awards” (KOAT-7 7pm) Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood hand out statues to guys in mushed-up cowboy hats and girls in sparkly mini dresses.

“Elder Skelter” (ID 8pm) OK, you win this round, Investigation Discovery. We know how much you love docudramas about people who kill other people. What with shows like “Blood Relatives,” “Catch My Killer,” “Deadly Affairs,” “Deadly Devotion,” “Deadly Sins,” “Deadly Women,” “Fatal Encounters,” “Fatal Vows,” “Murder in Paradise,” “Poisoned Passions,” “Swamp Murders” and “Wives With Knives,” it’s pretty much your raison d’etre. But, having exhausted every iteration of the word “lethal” in your thesaurus, you’ve actually been forced to come up with a stupidly awesome title. Nice work. Carry on.

 
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