“The Smurfs: A Christmas Carol” (Cartoon Network 9pm) In this 2011 holiday special (meaning it contains the new, computer-animated Smurfs), Grouchy Smurf fails to appreciate the spirit of Christmas. ... For crying out loud, he’s Grouchy Smurf. What do you expect?
“Grimm” (KOB-4 8pm) NBC’s “hunting and killing fairy tales” show gives us a Christmas special with a visit from that increasingly popular holiday demon, Krampus.
“Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” (KRQE-13 7pm) It’s not Christmas without a little Rankin/Bass. This one is pretty much everybody’s favorite. Dentistry and Abominable Snowmen: a winning combo.
“Naked & Afraid: Bares All” (Discovery 8pm) This 1-hour special promises (but will undoubtedly not deliver) “wild and unseen moments” behind the scenes of Discovery’s survival-
Finding Christmas (Hallmark 6pm) Hallmark 9, Lifetime 5. Halfway through the month, and Hallmark is absolutely smoking the competition in the cheesy, made-for-TV holiday rom-com competition.
“The Simpsons” (KASA-2 7pm) “The Simpsons” kicks off a night of Christmas-themed Animation Domination shows. Seems a leak at the power plant is causing an early nuclear winter in Springfield.
“Psych” (USA 7pm) USA’s wacky, crime-solving series does that trendy, late-in-the-run gimmick of broadcasting a special musical episode filled with cast members singing and dancing.
“Uncovering Aliens” (Animal Planet 9pm) Are they alien animals? ... Cause if they’re not, they seem to be on the wrong channel.
“Robot Chicken: Born Again Virgin Christmas Special” (Cartoon Network 1am) I sense some irreverent humor coming.
“How Sherlock Changed the World” (KNME-5 8pm) No, not the BBC series with Benedict Cumberbatch (which returns in 2014), but the character himself. PBS looks at how Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s consulting detective impacted the history of criminal investigations and forensics.
“How to Survive the End of the World” (National Geographic 8pm) National Geographic examines how giant volcanos will probably kill all of humanity. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.
“A Home for the Holidays” (KRQE-13 7pm) Every December like clockwork, celebrities such as Celine Dion and Ne-Yo (who are among this year’s guests) try to guilt us into adopting a kid.
“Monsters Inside Me” (Animal Planet 7pm) AnPlan’s extreme parasite show gets into the holiday spirit with “My Christmas in Hell,” a look at three flesh-eating infections that manifested during cheerful family celebrations of love and togetherness. Mazel tov!
“The iHeartRadio Jingle Ball 2013” (KWBQ-19 7pm) Miley Cyrus, Robin Thicke, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Pitbull, Selena Gomez, Jason Derulo—basically everybody you got completely sick of in 2013—are here to perform.
Barbara Walters Presents the 10 Most Fascinating People of 2013” (KOAT-7 8:30pm) Oh, goodie. Another dose of Miley Cyrus.
“Michael Bublé’s 3rd Annual Christmas Special” (KOB-4 9pm) The boy can sing, but he can’t come up with clever names for his Christmas specials. Hey, at least Mariah Carey and Cookie Monster are there. (Cookie Monster is the blue one, BTW.)