Alibi V.23 No.9 • Feb 27-March 5, 2014 

Week in Sloth

“The Red Road” on Sundance

Thursday 27

“Countdown to the Oscars” (KOAT-7 7pm) Actors Jonah Hill and Lupita Nyong’o get interviewed. Photos of stars before they were famous get shown. Tom Hanks and Gary Sinise mark the 20th anniversary of Forrest Gump. Basically any Hollywood-related stuff to fill up an hour of primetime.

“The Red Road” (Sundance 10pm) Martin Henderson (Smokin’ Aces) and Jason Momoa (“Game of Thrones”) star in this dark drama about a rural sheriff working out of the trouble-plagued Ramapo Mountain Indian reservation in New York/New Jersey. The “Red Road,” as I understand it, refers to the correct spiritual path followed by (some) Native Americans.

“Vikings” (History 8pm) The second season of History’s bloody, sexy, pretty-damn-entertaining look at long-haired dudes in boats gets underway.

Friday 28

“The Neighbors” (KOAT-7 7:30pm) ABC’s mostly lame, space-aliens-for-neighbors sitcom gets into the Academy Award spirit by having the wacky homeowners host a lavish Oscar party.

“Inside Job” (TNT 7pm) TNT taps into America’s unemployment panic with this reality competition about people trying to land a job. The twist? One of them is a spy getting the inside scoop on the job candidates.

“Game of Stones” (Discovery 8pm) Discovery does love its oil/gold/gem hunter reality shows. At least this one’s got a dumb pun for a title.

Saturday 1

“The 22nd Annual Movieguide Awards” (Reelz 12pm) This award show honors “faith-based movies and television” like best pic nominees The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, Iron Man 3, Man of Steel and Turbo. Am I the only one who missed the heavy Jesus parables in the snail-racing cartoon?

“The World’s Oddest Animal Couples” (Animal Planet 7pm) Like Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt?

“Film Independent Spirit Awards” (IFC 8pm) Host Patton Oswalt has threatened to give out actual live birds (as opposed to the traditional bird-shaped statues) to honorees at this year’s indie film get-together. We’ll see.

Sunday 2

“Spring Breaking Point” (Travel 2pm) Travel Channel celebrates America’s most drunken annual ritual with this new documentary series. We start, appropriately enough, on South Padre Island, home to Spring Break’s biggest beach party.

Monday 3

“Beat Bobby Flay” (Food 8pm) ... Oh, you meant in a cooking contest. Sorry.

“Those Who Kill” (A&E 8pm) Time to Americanize another Danish crime thriller. Chloë Sevigny (“Big Love”) stars as a homicide detective who teams with a forensic psychologist (James D’Arcy, “Secret Diary of a Call Girl”) to hunt a serial killer.

Tuesday 4

“Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.” (KOAT-7 7pm) Bill Paxton joins the cast of “S.H.I.E.L.D.” as super-agent John Garrett. (Yup, an actual character from the comic books! Although not an actual superhero. Sorry.)

“Carvers” (Syfy 8pm) Oddly enough this one-off docu-reality special about professional pumpkin carvers did not merit a full season pickup.

Wednesday 5

“Bring It!” (Lifetime 8pm) All the things you love/hate about the Bring It On movies—now in convenient reality show format.