“NFL Kickoff 2014” (KOAT-7 6:30pm) In this particular case, the kickoff is literal and not just figurative. The Green Bay Packers take on the Seattle Seahawks.
“Stand Up to Cancer” (KASA-2, KOB-4, KOAT-7, KNME-5 7pm) Stars support cancer research with a good, old-fashioned telethon. The Who, Jennifer Hudson, Lupe Fiasco, Common, Ariana Grande and Dave Matthews perform, creating one of the least cohesive lineups in the history of fundraisers.
“Pond Stars” (National Geographic Wild 8pm) A few weeks ago, I asked if there was an industry so boring that TV couldn’t make a docu-reality show about it. TV is working hard to answer my question. Why, here’s a show about a company that builds backyard ponds. Ponds, you say? Fascinating. That must involve a lot of digging of holes. Please tell me all about it for an entire season, Nat Geo Wild.
The Brittany Murphy Story (Lifetime 6pm) Poor, late actress Brittany Murphy (Clueless, Sin City) gets the sleazy TV movie treatment.
Sophia Grace and Rosie’s Royal Adventure (Nickelodeon 6pm) Singing cousins go to Switzelvania to cover a new queen’s coronation for Ellen DeGeneres’ talk show. Either that’s the plot for Nickelodeon’s new tween movie, or I was hallucinating when I wrote that.
“The Chair” (Starz 9pm) Fans of the late “Project Greenlight” might appreciate this reality competition about dueling directors.
“The ABCs of Schoolhouse Rock!” (KOAT-7 6pm) Chandra Wilson from “Grey’s Anatomy” hosts a tribute to the beloved Saturday morning educational cartoon from the ’70s. Interviews with creators and writers are included, as well as a countdown of the top five “Schoolhouse Rock!” segments.
“Utopia” (KASA-2 7pm) FOX’s biggest reality show gamble sends a group of people (the usual mix of rabid Christians, proud homosexuals, random hotties and arrogant tools) to live out in the woods and build their own society for one solid year. Sadly for the participants, this will probably go off the air in three weeks.
“Ghost Asylum” (Destination America 8pm) How fake and yet still unproductive do you like your ghost hunter shows? This one, featuring members of the “Tennessee Wraith Chasers,” ranks pretty high on both counts.
“American Ninja Warrior” (KOB-4 8pm) Here it is, your last chance to cheer for Kacy Catanzaro.
“Love Prison” (A&E 8pm) Somehow this reality dating competition doesn’t lock would-be suitors in prison, but sends them to just another reality show island for bikini-clad canoodling.
“Fashion Rocks” (KNME-5 8pm) I am so excited. This annual, Ryan Seacrest-produced excuse to get scantily clad models and rock stars on stage at the same time traditionally signals the end of the wretched summer TV season. Survive one night with Duran Duran, KISS, Miranda Lambert, Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull and the fall TV premieres will be here soon.
“I Heart Nick Carter” (VH1 8pm) It really seems like this reality show about Backstreet Boy Nick Carter and his fiancée “navigating their life together” should have been titled, “Oh, Yeah, I Used to Heart Nick Carter Back in 1997.”