Week in Sloth
“Home Free” (KASA-2 8pm) Contractor/TV host Mike Homes tricks people into building their dream home. Occasional footballer Tim Tebow shows up this season as co-host. I’m guessing he’ll be picked up by “Extreme Makeover: Home Edition” next season.
“Orange Is the New Black” (Netflix Streaming anytime) Last time we looked in on the Litchfield Women’s Penitentiary, the entire system had broken down and the inmates had organized a mass exodus to go cavort in nature. Seems like things are going to be a wee bit stricter this season.
Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? (Lifetime 6pm) Lifetime movie junkies (I know you’re out there) undoubtedly remember this camp-tastic 1996 thriller. Now it’s been rebooted—with at twist! This winking new version is “based on a story” by America’s weird college boyfriend, James Franco. Also, Tori Spelling—who played the danger-seeking daughter in the original—is now playing the concerned mother. Also, instead of hooking up with an abusive stalker, the naive daughter is now dating a lesbian vampire. No, really. I’m in.
“The Tunnel” (KNME-5 9:30pm) The body of a French politician is found inside the Chunnel, straddling the U.K.-French border. It’s up to a couple of intrepid cops to uncover the dark secret behind this murder. Sound familiar? That’s because this series was made in Denmark/Sweden as “Broen” and in America/Mexico as “The Bridge.” Here’s your chance to see it again with a third set of accents.
“Shark Week Sharktacular 2016” (Discovery 8pm) For those who like a little foreplay before their annual Shark Week begins in earnest, Discovery offers this collection of sneak peaks, viral videos and a “Top 5” countdown.
“Top Secret Swimming Holes” (Travel Channel 8pm) Well, not any more! Mark my words, somebody’s gonna get whacked for this. Snitches end up in ditches.
“LEGO Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures” (Disney XD 9pm) The latest LEGO/Star Wars mash-up leans a little heavier on the LEGO side of things. It follows the adventures of the “Freemaker” siblings, who search the galaxy for bricks so they can build things. I’m sure there’s something about the Force in there somewhere.
“The Greeks” (KNME-5 8pm) Archeologists, historians, actors, athletes, scientists and artists explore the rise of Greek civilization from cavemen to kings.
“Greenleaf” (OWN 8pm) This soapy nighttime drama explores the secrets and scandals behind the scenes of a Memphis megachurch. Keith David and Lynn Whitfield star as the patriarch and matriarch of this religious empire. But the big news is that Oprah herself will occasionally guest star as the bishop’s sister.
“Person of Interest” (KRQE-13 9pm) CBS’ sci-fi crime drama powers down after five seasons with the final showdown between crime-fighting computer The Machine and humanity-controlling AI Samaritan.
“American Gothic” (KRQE-13 9pm) Members of an upscale Boston family discover that one of their relatives was an famous (and still uncaught) serial killer. But which one? Infamous memoir faker and Oprah disappointer James Frey (A Million Little Pieces) helped create this summertime mystery thriller.