Week in Sloth
“Riverdale” (KWBQ-19 8pm) The CW launches a gritty, modern reboot of the old Archie Comics characters. (No, I’m not kidding.) For starters, Archie has been having an affair with his high school music teacher, Ms. Grundy. (Do yourself a favor and do not Google what those original comic book characters look like.) Then a classmate turns up dead, meaning the Riverdale High kids have got a “Twin Peaks”-style murder mystery on their hands.
iBoy (Netflix streaming anytime) Maisie Williams from “Game of Thrones” costars in this teen action movie/commercial about a kid who gets attacked by a gang of thugs and somehow ends up with pieces of his iPhone embedded in his skull. No big deal: Now he’s, like, superpowered and can access all the information on the internet in his head!
Rise (Viceland 7pm) This two-part documentary (Sacred Water/Red Power) takes a look at the recent struggles at the Standing Rock Indian Reservation in North and South Dakota.
Love By the 10th Date (Lifetime 6pm) Meagan Good, Kelly Rowland, Keri Hilson and Cat Deeley star in this drama about four friends trying to balance their dating adventures with their career ambitions at an upscale magazine.
“10th Date: Girls Night In” (Lifetime 8pm) Ensuring that their lonely singleton audience stays home on the couch on Saturday night, Lifetime reunites the cast of its movie Love By the 10th Date so they can “discuss stories from the set as well as sharing some of their [own] real-life dating disasters.”
“Detroit Steel” (History 8:03pm) What’s your guess: a docu-reality show about building custom motorcycles or a docu-reality show about restoring classic cars? ... It’s the latter.
“The 65th Annual Miss Universe Pageant” (FOX-NM 13.2 6pm) Steve Harvey hosts. Although Donald Trump no longer owns the pageant, I find it mighty suspicious that Harvey had a private meeting in New York with Trump last week. Shenanigans?
“The 23rd Annual Screen Actors Guild Awards” (TBS/TNT 6pm) Lily Tomlin will walk away with a lifetime achievement award. Everybody else is just gonna have to keep their fingers crossed.
“Adventure Time: Islands” (Cartoon Network 8:30pm) Finn and Jake ditch the Land of Ooo for the very first time to sail out among the other surviving lands of the cartoony, post-apocalyptic Earth in this six-part miniseries.
“Ride” (Nickelodeon 6pm) Katherine “Kit” Bridges moves to England and begins attending an “equestrian boarding school.” So, if you love horses ...
“Super Bowl Greatest Commercials 2017” (KRQE-13 7pm) If you only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials, here’s your chance to avoid all that sporting action.
“The Quad” (BET 8pm) Tony Award-winner Anika Noni Rose headlines the cast of this drama set in a fictional black college in Georgia.
Madiba (BET 7pm) Laurence Fishburne stars as Nelson Mandela in this three-part biographical miniseries.