‹‹ Alibi V.13 No.1 • Jan 1-7, 2004 

Reel World

Reel World

While we're busy discussing the best of 2003, it's hard to ignore that other favorite topic: the worst of 2003. Just as the best rises to the top like cream, the worst sinks to the bottom like ... well, a few other substances I can think of. Here, then, are the sinkers and stinkers of 2003.

Boat Trip—Choosing the worst Cuba Gooding Jr. movie of the year is always such a chore. This one, in which Gooding “pretends” to be gay, wins by a nose.

Dr. Seuss' Cat in the Hat—The cinematic equivalent of Mike Myers busking for coins in a New York subway. How clueless is this spastic rip-off? Tie-in products include Visa, Radio Shack, Dawn dish soap and the U.S. Post Office. There's nothing kids love more than good credit, cheap batteries, washing dishes and philately.

From Justin to Kelley—The charisma-challenged “American Idol” warblers should not be allowed off the free TV airwaves, and this doofy beach movie is potent proof why.

Gerry—This little-seen art house film from Gus Van Sant is everything people hate in art house films: It's pretentious, pointless and boring. (Oh, God, is it boring.)

Gigli—'Nuff said.

Kangaroo Jack—It's got Jerry O'Connell and a rapping kangaroo; you do the math.

Just Married/The Boss' Daughter—The Ashton Kutcher double feature, now playing on Hell Airlines.

The Life of David Gale—This patently preposterous bleeding-heart fantasy should have been enough to turn Dennis Kucinich into a rabid Rush Limbaugh supporter.

Marci X—Made two years ago, but released to little fanfare in 2003, this embarrassing Lisa Kudrow/Damon Wayans comedy still manages to follow Hollywood's worst new trend: Funky black people teaching uptight white people how to get jiggy wit it.

The Real Cancun—The fact that this spring break skinfest was billed as “the world's first reality movie” (the makers obviously never having heard of the word “documentary”) only proved, once and for all, that reality TV belongs on TV.