Week in Sloth
The Week in Sloth
“Death Cat Canyon” (Discovery 9 p.m.) Discovery sure knows how to make educational documentaries that sound like they're some crazy action flick over on Sci-Fi Channel. I mean, “Death Cat Canyon”? Who doesn't want to watch that one? It's a show about Ice Age mammals, but it sounds freakin' cool.
“When the Partridge Family Ruled the World” (VH1 9 p.m.) Ruled the world? Really? Sure, there were lunchboxes and all ... but I'm not sure they were controlling global socioeconomic policy per se.
“Little League World Series” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) What? The Olympics not amateur enough for you? How about some 18-year-old Puerto Rican kids posing as 13-year-old shortstops? Will that do it for you?
“Olympics Closing Ceremonies” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) The way things have been going, we'll be lucky if Icelandic songstress Björk doesn't have her opening ceremony performance revoked due to a doping scandal.
“The Casino” (KASA-2 8 p.m.) Fox's painfully contrived “reality” series comes to an end. I wonder what will happen? A bomb in the casino? Terrorists? Alien invasion?
“The Complex: Malibu” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) Several couples are given run-down apartments in a Malibu housing complex and race against each other to complete a total renovation. The couple with the best apartment wins. It's basically “Trading Spaces” crossed with “Big Brother.” Mathematically speaking, FOX has got to run out of ideas for new reality shows sooner or later. There are only so many shows to combine.
“The Republican National Convention” (KNME-5 7 p.m.) Mainstream networks ignore the opening night of the Republican National Convention, but those pinko liberals at PBS give us a couple hours worth of coverage.
“Dog the Bounty Hunter” (A&E 8 p.m.) A&E's new reality series follows the real-life adventures of the titular “Dog,” a burly bounty hunter whose job it is to track down bail jumpers, fugitives and other tattoo-heavy lowlifes.
“Father of the Pride” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) Hot off the Olympics, NBC gets its fall season out and running early. This computer-animated sitcom is reportedly one of the most expensive network shows ever made. (Cost is somewhere around $2 million per episode.) Needless to say, NBC needs this to become a massive hit. It's about the pride of white lions owned by flamboyant Las Vegas illusionists Sigfried and Roy. (Yes, the very lions who mauled Roy nearly to death earlier this year.) I'm thinking they've got an uphill battle.
“Hawaii” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) By my calculations, there's about a 10-year respite between Hawaii-based detective series on TV (“Hawaiian Eye,” “Hawaii 5-0,” “Magnum P.I.”) That means its time for Michael Biehn (The Terminator) to star as the head of Honolulu's Metro Police Department, which solves crimes that “could only happen in this exotic locale, using methods unique to Hawaii.” Ummm, does that mean somebody gets strangled with a lei in the first episode?
“Fifth Annual Latin Grammy Awards” (KRQE-13 7 p.m.) George Lopez hosts. ... What, you think Jeff Foxworthy would be hosting?