“Joey” (KOB-4 7 p.m.) A Thursday without a “friend” is like a Caesar salad without the anchovies—you can't live without it. ... Well, you could live without it. ... Actually, a lot of people prefer it that way. ... Oh, well. You're gonna get more “Friends” whether you like it or not! In this spin-off series, Joey (Matt LeBlanc) heads to Hollywood with his sister (Drea DeMatteo from “The Sopranos”). Think of this new show as the methadone of “Must See TV” junkies.
“Medical Investigation” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) “CSI” meets “ER” in this medical crime-solving drama series. ... So why isn't it called “ME”? TV viewers love initials.
Pop Rocks (ABC Family 7 p.m.) Mom (Sherilyn Fenn) and the kids think dad is just an ordinary white collar executive. But, in the '80s, he was the lead singer of the hottest hair band on the planet. (Think Motley Crue, but PG-13.) Now, dad's got a chance to reunite with the band for one last big-money concert. But can he do it without the family finding out that it's him beneath the KISS makeup and the snakeskin pants? Hijinks ensue, folks.
“COPS” (KASA-2 7 p.m.) It's good to know that, no matter how much the world changes, some things will always remain the same. For example, each new TV season, “COPS” will be there capturing the wacky exploits of drunken, shirtless rednecks and 15-year-old car-thieving gangstas (also shirtless).
“Jack & Bobby” (KWBQ-19 7 p.m.) WB lets loose with another sincere teen drama. This one, however, sports a little twist. See, one of the two portentously named brothers (Matt Long and Logan Lermer) will grow up to be president of the United States. Which one will it be, and how will assorted teen crises affect how he deals with the growing threat of Martian terrorism in the year 2040?
“The Benefactor” (KOAT-7 7 p.m.) Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban has decided to give away a million smackers on a TV reality show. How clever and original of him. Sixteen contestants go head-to-head in a series of challenges designed to test their character, intelligence, heart and luck. If you thought that “The Apprentice” needed a few more “Fear Factor”-style stunts, this is the show for you. ... This or “The Billionaire” over on FOX. Same difference.
“LAX” (KOB-4 9 p.m.) I've been thinking for a long time that what the world really needs is a sexy nighttime soap about the day-to-day operations of the Los Angeles International Airport--preferably with Heather Locklear in some position of bitchy power. ... God, TV is good to us.
“Amazing Race 5” (KRQE-13 9 p.m.) Season finale. If Charla's not it it, what's the point?
“Amish in the City” (KASY-50 7 p.m.) Season finale. Who will go back to Amish country, and who will stick around L.A. to get a boob job and pose for Playboy?