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GUARANTEED FRESH as of Friday March 24, 2017 at 1:31 pm Times and listings are for Friday 3/24 through Thursday 3/30

The Oogieloves in the BIG Balloon Adventure

Who in the Sweet Name of Christ are the Oogieloves and what do they want with our children? If Barney the Friendly Dinosaur had somehow crossbred with those hyperactive kids on his show, we might have ended up with these fuzzy, hydrocephalic toddler-creatures. BIG Balloon Adventure is being billed as an "interactive movie" for the under-5 crowd by the "marketing visionary" (that's what he calls himself) behind "The Teletubbies." In other words, it's designed so kids can yell at the screen a lot. The story has something to do with the Oogieloves who lose the last five magical birthday balloons in Lovelyloveville and ... ulp. I can't go on. Breakfast is backing up on me. 88 minutes G.

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