In this dark-but-silly fantasy love story from screenwriter-turned-director Akiva Goldsman (Batman & Robin, Lost in Space, The Da Vinci Code, I Am Legend), a petty burglar breaks into a Park Avenue mansion around the turn of the century and meets a beautiful woman dying of consumption. Turns out the burglar (Colin Farrell) is protected by angels and is immortal. (Or something.) Also, the guy he works for (Russell Crowe) answers to Satan himself. Somehow the burglar ends up in modern-day New York City, looking for his long-lost ladylove, who may have been resurrected. (Or whatever.) This remedial fairy tale romance should read as credible only to impressionable, pony-loving 14-year-olds. 118 minutes PG-13.