Sweet Lincoln's mullet, the stories are true! The makers of this comic sequel have re-edited the entire film using all-new jokes (a reported 763 of them) that originally wound up on the cutting room floor. It's now longer and R-rated and will only be in theaters for a week. 122 minutes R.
Vince Vaughn stars in this sappy remake of a French-Canadian comedy (Starbuck) about an underachieving man-child (Adam Sandler must have been busy) who finds out his old sperm bank donations have accidentally fathered 500 kids. After about 150 of the now young adults file a class-action lawsuit, our about-to-learn-a-valuable-life-lesson protagonist decides to become a loving father to all of them. This amounts to about two minutes of quality bonding with a whole string of random twentysomethings. Predictable, mildly heartwarming and not all that funny. 103 minutes PG-13.
Director Peter Jackson spent a goodly amount of time setting up the story for J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit in the last film. Now the journey is well and truly underway, and we finally get some rousing action, some gorgeous set-pieces and one hell of a dragon. 161 minutes PG-13.
Underworld gets remade with slightly different monsters. Aaron Eckhart (The Dark Knight) stars as a more handsome version of Frankenstein's monster. Naturally he finds himself in a modern-day dystopia wearing a trench coat and using assorted high-flying kung fu moves to fight off warring gargoyles and demons. Based on the comic book of the same name. 92 minutes PG-13.
Kate Winslet and Josh Brolin star in this weepy romance based on the novel by Joyce Maynard. Brolin plays an escaped convict who ends up at the small-town home of a depressed single mom played by Winslet. He hides out there, and the two fall in love in very short order. The film has impeccable credentials, but director Jason Reitman (Juno) can't prevent the material from looking an awful lot like a Nicholas Sparks knockoff. 111 minutes PG-13.
Twilight Saga's weird eyebrow guy Kellan Lutz star as demigod hunk Hercules in this Clash of the Titans-esque special effects pileup. According to prophecy, Herc is supposed to overthrow a tyrannical ruler, but he's too busy moping over a princess to notice he's the son of Zeus. At least his abs are in 3D. 115 minutes PG-13.
Bruce Dern stars as an aging, booze-addled father who takes a road trip from Montana to Nebraska with his estranged son (Will Forte) in order to claim a bogus sweepstakes prize. The duo makes a pit stop in a small town where dad grew up and still has a few old scores to settle. Alexander Payne (Election, Sideways, The Descendants) directs this wry, melancholy character drama. 114 minutes R.
Marvel's hammer-slinging space god Thor (Chris Hemsworth) is back for more mystical sci-fi action. This time around he's forced to team up with his archenemy/brother, Loki, when an entire race of world-destroying Dark Elves puts both Earth and Asgard in its sights. 112 minutes PG-13.
The groundbreaking BBC educational series gets a feature film update. The computer graphics have improved immensely since 1999. Unfortunately filmmakers have seen fit to give the dinosaurs funny voices (courtesy of Justin Long, John Leguizamo and Karl Urban) and add some poop jokes for the kids. Who needs education when you've got poop jokes? 87 minutes PG.