Alibi V.15 No.46 • Nov 16-22, 2006 

Ask Chef Boy Ari

Does Everything Go Better with Grease?

The State Fair will never be the same.
The State Fair will never be the same.

Dear Chef Boy Ari: I just heard something on the radio about fried Coke. That sounds 1) totally disgusting, and 2) kind of impossible. I would think that the Coke would dissipate into the grease, and you would basically have to drink the grease in order to drink the fried Coke. What am I missing here?

—Cola Curious

Dear CC: Fried Coke is indeed a figment of our reality. Invented in Texas by a computer analyst named Abel Gonzales, it’s the newest hit at state fairs around the county. I’m no fraidy-cat when it comes to fried things. In fact most fried things I’ve eaten were quite pleasing to me. In addition to the standards, like fried fish or French fries, I’ve had fried Twinkies, fried Snickers, fried rice, fried ice cream, fried cow balls and fried grasshoppers. But while some would go so far as to say it doesn’t matter what it is as long as it’s fried, I do find the idea of fried Coke disturbing.

Most of this sentiment comes from the fact that I’m disturbed by Coca-Cola, period, be it fried, sipped through a straw or sloshing around an enema bag. Not only is it corrosive and fattening, Coca-Cola has an atrocious track record with its labor policies in South America and Africa, with numerous allegations of violent union-busting.

As far as how you make fried Coke: well, basically, you soak some doughy material in Coca-Cola and then deep-fry it. Some people serve it with Coca-Cola syrup on top. It’s basically a Coke-flavored doughnut, chock-full of trans-fatty acids, high-fructose corn syrup and the sweat, if not the blood, of Colombian bottling plant workers.

Enjoy!

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