It's Just Grape Juice
Impressing the Honeys
By Andres Torrez
I’m frequently asked: “Andres, oh wise guru of wine, how much do I spend on wine for my date?” Giving this advice a friend is easy—I already know way too much about their lives and dating history. However, giving this advice to someone I don’t know well is trickier.
You may think choosing a good wine at a restaurant, even at a store, has something to do with the food you're going to eat (or such nonsense). Sure, you can choose the perfect wine at a reasonable price to match that exquisite duck entrée, but what you really need to do is get a second date—and dropping some cash on wine is the way to go.
In my years of matchmaking (wine or otherwise), I’ve found there’s a direct correlation between your hotness, your date’s hotness and how much you need spend on wine to impress said date. The exact ratio to hotness and cash expenditure is a very complicated mathematical computation I won’t bother you with. Instead, I’ve created a simple flowchart to guide you through your wine purchasing experience. Follow this chart and you’ll be guaranteed a second date every time.
NEWSLETTERS Great Alibi stories, events and deals delivered to your inbox each week. No fooling!
Nob Hill Growers Market at Morningside Park
Local produce, bakers, herbalists and honey.
Cerrillos Station Farmers Market at Cerrillos Station
Dinner and Ebru Painting Demonstration at Blue Lily AtelierMore Recommended Events ››