Monkey Bread: Sweeter Than a Barrel Full of Sugar Gliders
Celebrate the Year of the Monkey—in name at least
It is a little known fact that this popular homestyle recipe got its name because it's so good that it will cause your guests to tear each other to shreds with their canines like rabid baboons fighting over the carcass of a baby gazelle. OK, I totally made that up. The real reason is because this oopy-goopy, sweet and buttery bread is so tasty that in order to not rip each other to shreds your group will need to reinforce your social bonds by engaging in an all-out chimp-style orgy (Google search: bonobos) before dividing the monkey bread into equal parts. Alright, alright, I made that up too. I have no idea why they call this stuff monkey bread. All I know is that I eat so much of it and get so much gluey sugar goop all over my face that I don't need to wax my mustache for weeks. That's true.
This recipe comes from my buddy Kim's grandma. You may see other versions that involve store-bought biscuit dough but don't be an idiot—make it from scratch.
2 cups flour
2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup butter
3/4 cup buttermilk
1/2 cup brown sugar
1 cup butter
2 tablespoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon vannilla
1/2 teaspoon almond extract (optional)
1/2 cup chopped nuts (optional)
1) In a large mixing bowl, combine first 6 ingredients until they come together into a dough.
2) On a floured surface, roll out dough until it's 1/2 to 1 inch thick.
3) Use a round cookie cutter or the rim of a glass to cut out circles, then cut each circle in quarters.
4) Place the circles in a Bundt pan or other baking dish, being careful not to mash them together.
5) In a microwave-safe bowl, combine the rest of the ingredients and heat just until the butter is melted.
6) Pour 3/4 of the glaze over the dough and cook at 400° F for 20 minutes.
7) Remove from the oven, pour the rest of the glaze over and allow to cool slightly.
8) Serve with lots of napkins and keep a first-aid kit handy.
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