Alibi V.13 No.10 • March 4-10, 2004 

Gastrological Forecast

It took me a while to figure out that my dog's food was giving him an excessive amount of Vitamin F. Unlike Ren and Stimpy's superhero friend Powdered Toast Man, my little buddy's pants don't puff up when he gets a distress call. It's pretty obvious though. Corn meal makes my dog fart so much he could power a hybrid SUV. If only we could harness the power! It took me a while to figure out what was causing these noxious emissions but, as it turns out, many dogs digestive systems aren't able to process corn very well. Hey, even humans aren't able to break corn down completely. (Does this sound familiar? I know you know what I'm talking about.) The trick to turning off Sparky's gas is finding a dog food that doesn't contain corn or soy—another common culprit. Grocery stores don't often stock a very large variety of dog foods but at Clark's Pet Emporium (or any good-sized pet store) you'll find a handful of formulas for dogs with sensitive digestive systems. Common combinations are lamb and rice or some kind of meat and potatoes. Read the ingredient label carefully to make sure corn and soy aren't listed. The only drawback? You won't be able to blame your own farts on the dog anymore.