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 V.13 No.27 | July 1 - 7, 2004 

Gastrological Forecast

Don't you dare make a Cool Whip, frozen pound cake and berry dessert in the shape of an American flag. Don't you dare. Those crap-ass Parade magazine recipes represent everything that is evil in this world. Did your grandmother use Cool Whip? Hell no. Your grandmother made cakes with mayonnaise because she had no butter. She cried herself to sleep every night, because she knew that in the morning she'd have to squirt a packet of yellow dye into a pale white tub of margarine and spread that junk all over her toast, pretending to like it because anything else would seem unpatriotic. Cream in her coffee? What coffee? She boiled chicory root and thought real hard about what coffee tasted like. Your grandma ate the fake stuff because she had to. Times were tough. And you're too lazy to make your own pound cake and whip your own cream? She came up with two dozen recipes for Spam and this is how you show your respect? With whipped topping? You ought to have your ears boxed, you whiny, pathetic sack of ingratitude. Get back into that kitchen and show those old timers what you can do with a pound of sour cherries and a quart of real cream.

Tomorrow's Events

Spanish Cooking Classes: Tapas at Instituto Cervantes

Learn to cook typical dishes from Spain using fresh local ingredients from New Mexico. Attendees must bring a cutting board and kitchen knife.

Nob Hill Growers Market at Morningside Park

Saturday

13th Annual Pork and Brew BBQ State Championship at Santa Ana Star Center

More Recommended Events ››
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