Alibi V.13 No.35 • Aug 26-Sept 1, 2004 

Gastrological Forecast

There are so many reasons why I'm in love with Alton Brown, host of the Food Network Show Good Eats.” Remember the show he did that was a take-off on both “Iron Chef” and “Junkyard Wars”? He had to rummage through a junk yard to find the right equipment to build a smoker. (Of course, it helps fuel the smoldering fire of my ardor that his smoker was for making his own bacon.) And remember the show in which he pretended to be stranded on a desert island and all his mise-en-place was laid out in bamboo cups? (Can you believe he's straight?) But reason number 871 that I love Alton Brown is that he's such a brilliant cook. I recently had the pleasure of ravaging a freshly steamed lobster and after moving quickly through the fat claws and meaty tail, I looked forlornly at the 12 skinny little claws that were left. And then I remembered the show that he did on lobster. Alton demonstrated how you could take the skinny legs, pop off the ends and roll them like bread under a rolling pin. The meat pops out the other end like a tube of pink ice out of an Otter Pop! I tried it (using an empty wine bottle—it was all I had) and it worked perfectly! That guy is a freakin' genius. Alton, if you're reading this: I'm single and I will take all the lobster meat tubes you can dish out.