There are so many reasons why I'm in love with Alton Brown, host of the Food Network Show “Good Eats.” Remember the show he did that was a take-off on both “Iron Chef” and “Junkyard Wars”? He had to rummage through a junk yard to find the right equipment to build a smoker. (Of course, it helps fuel the smoldering fire of my ardor that his smoker was for making his own bacon.) And remember the show in which he pretended to be stranded on a desert island and all his mise-en-place was laid out in bamboo cups? (Can you believe he's straight?) But reason number 871 that I love Alton Brown is that he's such a brilliant cook. I recently had the pleasure of ravaging a freshly steamed lobster and after moving quickly through the fat claws and meaty tail, I looked forlornly at the 12 skinny little claws that were left. And then I remembered the show that he did on lobster. Alton demonstrated how you could take the skinny legs, pop off the ends and roll them like bread under a rolling pin. The meat pops out the other end like a tube of pink ice out of an Otter Pop! I tried it (using an empty wine bottle—it was all I had) and it worked perfectly! That guy is a freakin' genius. Alton, if you're reading this: I'm single and I will take all the lobster meat tubes you can dish out.