Alibi V.13 No.36 • Sept 2-8, 2004 

Gastrological Forecast

Sure, you love splashing Tabasco all over your tacos, but would you tip the bottle into your kid's mouth if she lied about eating her peas? An ABCNEWS.com poll revealed that while 65 percent of Americans don't think so-called hot-saucing children is acceptable, 35 percent do. Among that smaller group is Lisa Welchel. Remember her? She played Blair on the '80s TV series "Facts of Life." Blair, er, Welchel didn't really do anything big after "Facts of Life," which is why we still think of her as Blair, not Lisa Welchel. After leaving show business, the enthusiastically Christian actress raised three children, homeschooled them and wrote a book on her discipline methods, including hot-saucing. "It does sting and the memory stays with them so that the next time they may actually have some self-control and stop before they lie or bite or something like that," she said on “Good Morning America.” Hmm, if the hot sauce didn't hurt it wouldn't be an effective deterrent, right? And if it did hurt, that would be kind of like hurting your children, right? So why not just spank the crap out of them? Is hot saucing a "kinder, gentler" way of spanking? No, but we shouldn't be surprised. As Devin D. O'Leary says, Blair always was a bitch.