In recent, local developments:

Allegedly, a very drunk couple took a stroll with their children and a marijuana pipe. They were arrested.

A naked intruder was allegedly found sleeping in someone else’s bed. He was arrested.

According to APD, a woman pulled a gun on a Comcast technician. She was arrested.

APD is getting rid of its Mine Resistant Ambush Protected armored vehicle.

The School of Rock will be housed in downtown Burque.

The Sunport was at the center of a copper theft ring.

Developers are planning to build a hotel modeled after the ruins at Chaco Canyon.

Someone left the sprinklers running in the rain.

UNM’s Director of Government and Community Relations has now been arrested three times for DWI. He has been previously convicted twice for this offense.

After numerous setbacks and a countless number of losing seasons, UNM’s football coach looks to the future.

Related Stories

• Crib Notes: July 17, 2014 by August March (7/17/2014)
• Albuquerque Spring: A season of police violence and civil disobedience by David Correia (6/19/2014)
• On Raised Voices and Structural Inequality: APD protest won’t end until justice is served by Benjamin J. George (6/19/2014)
• Speaking Truth to Power: The problem with making your voice heard at City Hall by Samantha Anne Carrillo (6/12/2014)
• Letters: Property Not Psychogeography and more (5/8/2014)
• Letters and Notable Comments: RE: “Dear Mayor Berry, et al.” and much more (5/1/2014)

Well, kids, let’s see what’s going on in the news today:

The city of Albuquerque has decided that supporters of a marijuana decriminalization measure need to have more signatures on their petition than the city had originally told them. OOPS. Too bad the deadline was Monday. And no, they don’t get an extension.

Murderers of a retired educator in Chimayo claim to have held a ‘witchcraft’ ceremony after the killing. Which sounds super creepy, but apparently only involved "wrapping a ribbon in something and putting it in a baggie." I guess it's creepy if the 'something' was an eyeball. But way less creepy if the 'something' was a, I dunno, pencil. Basically, my feelings about this story are dependent on what got wrapped in a ribbon and then put into a baggie.

An Albuquerque man tried to stretch the family food budget by killing, then butchering the family dog. Which was a chihuahua, by the way, which could feed maybe one person? I don't think this guy thought things through.

And the Duke City is due to become the Cake City this weekend. Cake kind of sounds like Duke and it’s the best I could come up with before my coffee hits bottom. Also, I’m still thinking about that witchcraft thing. And the pot thing. And the dog thing. Is there something wrong with the state this week?

A team of surgeons removed 232 teeth from the mouth of a 17-year old boy in India.

Two more mysterious holes leading to the blackest depths of the Earth have opened up in Siberia. Scientists think it’s happening because of an eruption of gas, but the Internet thinks it’s probably mole men.

And Harrison Ford’s ankle injury is probably going to prevent puffins from having sex. Dammit, Harrison Ford. First Indy 4 and now this?

Huning Highland shall not be home to a Subway.

The man who was subjected to an extensive and illegal cavity search courtesy of the Hidalgo County Sheriff's department details his story in a new interview.

Someone threatened to blow up the capital building in Santa Fe.

Naked intruder alert.

Dead Jackass star Ryan Dunn's photo wasn't supposed to be used in this story.

Behold the motorized sneaker/rocket roller skate thingees.

No more Wendy's in Russia.

March of the Juggalos.

The time President Johnson ordered pants.

A satanist group is leveraging the Hobby Lobby decision to challenge "informed consent" laws.

An American Hippie in Israel.