The holiday season is in full swing, and there’s no use fighting it, Scrooge. It doesn't all have to be canned Christmas music and harried shopping. Instead, focus on the fun and festive aspects and leave the schlock and stress to someone else.
I used to laugh at the guy on “COPS” who insists on getting a badge number. There are threats to avenge, at some future date, the injustice being done to him. It’s so stereotypical. The police must hear this stuff even more regularly than we do on TV. Does anyone ever have a valid issue? Do they ever follow up?
This week’s theme is: Stuff You Should Know. Don’t let Lady Justice keep her secrets.
One of the greatest tragedies of my life is that the crabby robot dude in The Matrix compared human beings to viruses before I was able to publish my doctoral dissertation, tentatively titled Infectious Intelligence: The World’s First Bipedal Disease. Sadly, The Matrix totally stole my thunder, because my dissertation explained how human beings have overrun the planet in the same way that a virulent infectious organism overruns its host. I demonstrated how we’ve colonized the Earth via senseless reproduction (Don’t believe me? Go stand in line at the mall next Black Friday.), and excreted our toxins into the environment while squandering resources and jeopardizing the health of our host planet. And just as infection by a microorganism would cause you to spike a fever, human activity has resulted in global warming.
Dateline: Germany—The long-standing editorial feud between two newspapers came to a head (so to speak) recently when German newspaper Die Tageszeitung unveiled a three-dimensional mural on its building facade depicting the editor-in-chief of rival right-wing paper Bild naked and sporting a 50-foot phallus. The unflattering portrait was erected (so to speak) in November by artist Peter Lenk. The plastic bas-relief features Bild boss Kai Diekmann spreading his legs and showing off a penis that stretches across five stories of Die Tageszeitung’s headquarters. The artwork also includes sensationalist, reproductive organ-based headlines from Bild’s history, such as “Federal Court of Justice: Now Everyone Can Say Pecker.” The unsubtle work of art is the latest round in the brutal editorial brawl between leftist-leaning Die Tageszeitung and Diekmann’s conservative paper. The row started some seven years ago after editors at the liberal paper ran a satirical article claiming their colleague at Bild had undergone a failed penis extension operation. Although the spoof was meant to highlight how Germany’s best-selling daily thrives by reporting on the misfortunes of others, Diekmann was understandably not amused. He sued and Die Tageszeitung was forced to expunge the piece from its archive. Since then, the two sides have expended considerable effort to outdo one another. Diekmann scored a major coup earlier this year by landing a seat on the cooperative that funds Die Tageszeitung’s endowment. “The penis row from 2002 is slowly becoming the stuff of legend,” Diekmann told Berlin daily Der Tagesspiegel two week ago. Diekmann said he does not plan to take legal action over the gigantic penis portrait. “Apparently the artist got a free yearly subscription for it,” Diekmann was quoted in Der Tagesspiegel as saying. “As a member of the cooperative, I’m naturally not happy about wasting a subscription. But I’ll certainly ask about the financing at the next co-op meeting.”
This weekend must have seemed like the perfect one for a film festival, because we’ve got at least three of them to choose from. In addition to the massive 10th Annual Santa Fe Film Festival and the inaugural Santa Fe Independent Film Festival, there’s the first annual Buddhist Film Festival taking place at the Cell Theatre in Downtown Albuquerque.
Citizens of Earth: The spaceship known as Leeches of Lore flies into Burt’s Tiki Lounge (313 Gold SW) this week, pounding high hats and Mai Tais while shredding the clothing right off your body. The Spittin’ Cobras (which contains members of ’80s psycho-sexual punkers The Dwarves and German industrial band KMFDM) joins the intergalactic mission along with Black Guys. The rock invasion, which shall only be beheld by those over 21 years of age, can be sighted free of charge Downtown near the tenth hour on Tuesday, Dec. 8. (Jessica Cassyle Carr)
Mildred McGillicutty (nom de screen of a local blogger) is a keeper of books, collector of velvet matador paintings and murderer of goldfish. She is also a closeted lover of Joni Mitchell, and she was very relieved that none of the sweet, soprano songwriter’s ’60s swill tainted her randomly shuffled playlist found below.
CORRECTION: The Alibi erroneously printed Rob Brezsny’s column for the week of Dec. 10 in place of his column for the week of Dec. 3. We regret the switch-up, which was entirely our fault and not at all Brezsny’s wish or doing. (Though we do place some of the blame on the upcoming Mercury Retrograde.) Below is the column that’s supposed to run for the week of Dec. 3-9, 2009. Our apologies to Mr. Brezsny and his readers.