Christmas

Alibi Holiday Film Guide 2014

Avail yourself of some sparkling live theater this holiday season

Happy humbug

Here's a list of local holiday closures to help you figure out when to put out your trash and stuff.

The Rio Grande is bone-dry in southern New Mexico.

Santa Fe's plastic bag ban takes effect February 27th 2014.

The Johnny Tapia film is coming soon.

NSA has 100% access to your iPhone. Messages, contacts—and they can remotely turn it into a listening device. Not cool.

Ariel Castro's neighbor was a murder-raping pig and he is going to jail.

Michael Schumacher is getting relatively better after his terrible skiing accident.

There is now a better cardboard box, people.

Cab Calloway's lexicon of hip will make you the life of the party before you cop a final.

Weed stores will open their doors in Denver tomorrow.

Dig this totally righteous anti-Nazi Christmas card from 1943.

You will need this guide to identifying and hiding from drones.

Buy Chuck Norris' house.

A tanker train exploded in North Dakota.

"The octopus-man would make a fine policeman or soldier ...."

Pussy Riot may be out of prison, but their work is far from over.

Conrad Alvin Barrett's getting charged with a hate crime, and he thought he was just playing a game.

A Louisiana man, who was in the middle of a custody battle for his four children, shot and killed three people before killing himself.

Monsignor William Lynn's case involving priest-sex abuse charges was overturned, and he could get released as early as this week after spending 18 months behind bars.

Utah wants to take same-sex marriage ruling to the US Supreme Court.

Speaking of same-sex marriage, now that it's legal in New Mexico, does that mean a boost in tourism?

Robert Ortiz, after drunkenly rolling his Chevy Blazer, goes into a giggle fit when cops issue a sobriety test. Oh, and he also has 10 DWI arrests to his name.

Thanks to good road crews, descansos remain on the highways.

A father in Virginia reported to local news that his son found pornographic images on a Nintendo gaming system he got for Christmas. Sorry buddy.

A New Mexico judge got arrested.

Director of the New Mexico Department of Game and Fish resigned.

Nob Hill needs more cops to prevent vandalism of Weekly Alibi newspaper boxes.

McDonald's doesn't recommend eating their food.

Bye bye, banana.

More from the guy who called Duck Dynasty star Phil "the Rosa Parks of our generation."

Themes in country music: 2013.

Alberta is screwed.

Two female film makers came to a Moriarty, New Mexico strip club to work and make a film.

There is a big Edward Snowden interview in The Washington Post today.

"Santaland Diaries" here.

It's a Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown, here.

Weird/gross/delicious Christmas food, here.

Paul Alone, here.

Compfight cc via Rick Harris

Gifting funk, soul, R&B, doo-wop and classic jazz

Ryan Varsi

A bleak Xmas mixtape

In the War on Christmas

Nope, UNM didn't blow up yesterday.

There's a downside to putting your church on wheels: somebody might steal it.

Britain has a special holiday gift for China: £45 million worth of pig semen.

How to be a reverse racist, an instructional video.

Meet the durian, the spiky king of fruits which smells like delicious, delicious garbage.

Eight examples of how purebred dogs have been ruined.

It turns out that asking questions like "If Santa Claus is a black man, wouldn't all the presents be stolen?" doesn't really help the cause of diversity.

Compfight cc via elvissa

Whirled joy, a river of lights and Tchaikovsky

Everyone has that friend or family member. The one who unabashedly maneuvers around trick-or-treaters to string up their Christmas lights on Halloween. The one who has been humming Christmas carols for weeks—humming only, because singing aloud can have harsh repercussions. The one who already assembled most of their Christmas presents and will soon wrap them, probably while watching their well-worn Elf DVD.

In my circles, that friend or family member is me. Loved ones recently informed me that Dec. 1 is a more reasonable time to begin decking one's halls with boughs of holly. In my defense, it seems there are more early-bird holiday hounds than ever. To wit, Starbucks released their red cup on Nov. 1, Christmas displays in big-box retailers went up the same day, and I've begun spotting Christmas trees on my Facebook news feed.

Why not engage in early Christmas merriment? Here are a triptych of ho-ho-holiday events that even the Ebenezer Scrooges of your life can dig.

Joy to the Whirled: Cliff’s Magical Christmas

Have you ridden at Uncle Cliff’s for decades, hoping there was a way to make the amusement park even more exhilarating? There is; just add Christmas. Cliff’s Amusement Park hosts Joy to the Whirled, a holiday celebration wherein they decorate the park, sell holiday snacks and invite Old St. Nick to ride the Rattler with other guests. The event begins on Nov. 29 and runs through Dec. 23, from 6pm to 9pm daily. Tickets are $10.

River of Lights

The River of Lights tops my list of fave winter treats, along with spending time with family ... and biscochitos. The gardens abound with Christmas lights as you sip hot chocolate. This light show never fails to delight. If you’ve never been, this is a must-do; if you have, you know that walking into the Botanical Gardens this time of year is about as close as you'll ever get to the land of Oz. The River of Lights opens Nov. 30 and runs through Dec. 19, from 6pm to 9pm daily. Tickets are $10 for adults and $5 for children. The show continues Dec. 20 through Jan. 5, but tickets will cost you $12 for adults and $6 for children. The River of Lights is closed Dec. 24, 25 and 31 and Jan. 1.

The Nutcracker

The New Mexico Ballet Company and the New Mexico Philharmonic inhabit Popejoy for two consecutive weekends to proffer a balletic holiday indulgence, The Nutcracker. While I've never actually seen it, the fact that it's a commonplace holiday topic and is often associated with words like “elegance” and “excellence” leads me to believe even those friends who've been grumbling about your holiday cheer may enjoy this show. The performance series begins Nov. 30 at 7pm and runs through Dec. 8 at 2pm. Tickets start at $11 for adults.

For more info on these events, visit the above-linked websites. If you know of other awesome community events—holiday-themed or otherwise—tell us about 'em via our event submission page at alibi.com/submit.

One dead and nearly 75 injured after a chemical plant explosion in Louisiana.

Good news, Verizon and T-Mobile users: Your phone might be safe from the watchful eyes of the NSA.

Trio of heroes (like the rhyme?) save a group of people and several dogs from a burning apartment building in the heights.

Albuquerque man charged with illegally tattooing his 3-year-old nephew.

Mega Man, the Villager from Animal Crossing and the Wii Fit Trainer are all joining the Super Smash Bros. crew.

Christmas is saved!

British researchers have solved the mystery of how sea mammals hold their breath for so long.

Southwest Women's Options doctor compares death injection to 'flu shot.'

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President Obama and congressional leaders try one more time to make a plan for the fiscal crisis.

Los Lunas police look for leads in Christmas Walmart theft.

Entertainment 2012: The year that nothing really great happened.

Thanks to Pepsi you could join Beyonce on stage at the Super Bowl!

Old temple and ritual vessels found in Tel Motza, Israel.

The fate of two pit bulls in Santa Fe, who fatally mauled a chihuahua, was be decided in court.

I now present, for your viewing pleasure, Kevin Bacon made out of bacon.

It looks like Kate Winslet is headed to space.

The Dark Knight Rises was among the most pirated films of 2012.

Bad lip reading turns a One Direction song into a really awesome trailer for a foreign thriller film.