Ah, the holiday season. A time for love, sharing, and generosity towards our fellow man. Alas, it is really a season of the blatant and rather terrifying corporate takeover of the once happy holidays, when mankind turns into a creature of cutthroat consumerism, who is generally cold and much poorer than he'd like to be.

The Santaland Diaries show you this in bulk; these creatures are all you see as a department store elf. David Sedaris chronicles the story of a slacker turned into Santa's little helper, the play's been given great reviews by all the good New York people: the NY Times, Newsday and The New Yorker.

It's now or never, folks, the show plays weekend only. Buy your tickets for only $10 at the South Broadway Cultural Center (1025 Broadway Blvd SE). Curtain is at 8pm on the Friday, Dec. 18 and Saturday, Dec. 19 Check out our Facebook for a chance to win two free tickets to the show.

On the first day of Christmas, the Grey Lady sent to me a bill for $27,673.

On the second day of Christmas, the Washington Times sent to me veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the third day of Christmas, Sony sent to me a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the fourth day of Christmas, KOB sent to me humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the fifth day of Christmas, the Daily News sent to me fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the sixth day of Christmas, the Business Standard sent to me a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the seventh day of Christmas, Market Watch sent to me swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the eighth day of Christmas, Bloomberg sent to me maids who won't clean toilets, swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the ninth day of Christmas, the Japan Times sent to me ladies wedding solo, maids who won't clean toilets, swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the tenth day of Christmas, the Telegraph sent to me elderly lords a-quitting, ladies wedding solo, maids who won't clean toilets, swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, the Daily News sent to me crack pipes for hiding, elderly lords a-quitting, ladies wedding solo, maids who won't clean toilets, swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, the Blockhead Trio sent to me a Charlie Brown-themed synthmas, crack pipes for hiding, elderly lords a-quitting, ladies wedding solo, maids who won't clean toilets, swans upending markets, a goose-bird flu test, fantasy football league rings, humans counting birds, a streaming Seth Rogen movie, veterans hunting doves and a bill for $27,673.

After a standoff on a California bridge, Daniel Perez was arrested and is being held after vanishing last week with his wife and four sons. His sons are safe; however, his wife's body was found in the trunk of the family's car near their home.

After a report brought attention to harsh interrogation techniques administered by the CIA, the agency's chief defends the behavior, saying it's “unknowable” if they could have gotten the same answers with conventional questioning.

Due to unanswered questions, the FBI is looking into a North Carolina teen's hanging death (after it was ruled a suicide) to see if there was foul play.

The state appeals court in Arizona dismissed Debra Jean Milke's murder charge after she was on death row for 22 years for the killing of her 4-year-old son.

A temporary restraining order placed on Ferguson police has made it mandatory that they warn protesters before using tear gas.

A couple students at UNM are getting some attention for their “social experiment” videos.

Photos and video have been released of the fire that happened at the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant.

Albuquerque media outlets banded together to raise funds for a single father whose house was robbed (and whose Christmas gifts for his two sons were stolen). The Christmas spirit's alive folks!

Some people really didn't like Paz Winshtein's take on the Virgen de Guadalupe.

Empty Socks, a long-lost film by Walt Disney from 1927, was discovered in a library in Norway.

If you wanna be the new CEO of Abercrombie (apparently they’re still a store) you can be! Because that one guy quit. Or resigned. Or whatever the “cool kids” do.

A local high school creative writing teacher resigned after controversy surrounding a student's story about Jesus handing out pot. (Why wasn’t she our high school creative writing teacher?!)

And who hasn’t demanded a plane be taxied back to its terminal when flight snacks are served inadequately?

This woman dressed as the Abominable Snowman, and her poodle, Lizard, understand the true meaning of Christmas/life.

Any time we’ve asked for a bite of someone’s brownie, it was NEVER laced with pot. Thanks for nothing!

In other more duh-ish news, a scientist thinks laughing gas is a great way to treat depression! Tell my uptight dentist that. He’s stingy with that shit.

And if you have a genius cat, it’s possible she was once an “Egyptian princess” who was “used to being treated like a deity”

Here's a list of local holiday closures to help you figure out when to put out your trash and stuff.

The Rio Grande is bone-dry in southern New Mexico.

Santa Fe's plastic bag ban takes effect February 27th 2014.

The Johnny Tapia film is coming soon.

NSA has 100% access to your iPhone. Messages, contacts—and they can remotely turn it into a listening device. Not cool.

Ariel Castro's neighbor was a murder-raping pig and he is going to jail.

Michael Schumacher is getting relatively better after his terrible skiing accident.

There is now a better cardboard box, people.

Cab Calloway's lexicon of hip will make you the life of the party before you cop a final.

Weed stores will open their doors in Denver tomorrow.

Dig this totally righteous anti-Nazi Christmas card from 1943.

You will need this guide to identifying and hiding from drones.

Buy Chuck Norris' house.

A tanker train exploded in North Dakota.

"The octopus-man would make a fine policeman or soldier ...."

Pussy Riot may be out of prison, but their work is far from over.

Conrad Alvin Barrett's getting charged with a hate crime, and he thought he was just playing a game.

A Louisiana man, who was in the middle of a custody battle for his four children, shot and killed three people before killing himself.

Monsignor William Lynn's case involving priest-sex abuse charges was overturned, and he could get released as early as this week after spending 18 months behind bars.

Utah wants to take same-sex marriage ruling to the US Supreme Court.

Speaking of same-sex marriage, now that it's legal in New Mexico, does that mean a boost in tourism?

Robert Ortiz, after drunkenly rolling his Chevy Blazer, goes into a giggle fit when cops issue a sobriety test. Oh, and he also has 10 DWI arrests to his name.

Thanks to good road crews, descansos remain on the highways.

A father in Virginia reported to local news that his son found pornographic images on a Nintendo gaming system he got for Christmas. Sorry buddy.

A New Mexico judge got arrested.

Director of the New Mexico Department of Game and Fish resigned.

Nob Hill needs more cops to prevent vandalism of Weekly Alibi newspaper boxes.

McDonald's doesn't recommend eating their food.

Bye bye, banana.

More from the guy who called Duck Dynasty star Phil "the Rosa Parks of our generation."

Themes in country music: 2013.

Alberta is screwed.

Two female film makers came to a Moriarty, New Mexico strip club to work and make a film.

There is a big Edward Snowden interview in The Washington Post today.

"Santaland Diaries" here.

It's a Bad Brains Christmas, Charlie Brown, here.

Weird/gross/delicious Christmas food, here.

Paul Alone, here.