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V.19 No.42 | 10/21/2010


The Daily Word 10.19.10: UFO sighting in El Paso, don’t wear raw meat, Tiger Woods fake sex tape

The Daily Word

Butchers recommend not wearing a Lady Gaga-inspired raw meat dress for Halloween.

There was a UFO sighting over El Paso the other night.

Everybody, calm down; the Tiger Woods sex tape is a fake.

105 tons of marijuana seized in Mexico including some with Homer Simpson labels.

There’s going to be a new reality show in Florida taking place at a nudist resort.

Tylenol issues a recall after complaints of a moldy smell.

Have a look at this record-breaking 1,535 pound pumpkin.

Former NFL football player Junior Seau won’t be charged after driving his SUV off a cliff.

Bank robbery reaches a new level of convenience with drive-thrus.

A woman in Georgia receives an electric bill for more than $1 billion.

V.18 No.44 | 10/29/2009

Ten Things

Ten Things I Might Be For Halloween

1) Hungry fat guy eating food constantly

2) Sleepy Ghost (”I’m tiiiiired,” in a ghostly voice)

3) Sexy Fat Streaker

4) Litterbug

5) Weathervane

6) The Dad from Twilight

7) Pinecone

8) Sandhill Crane

9) Binoculars

10) Vowel

V.18 No.45 | 11/5/2009
A pack of tiny clowns.

Vintage Halloween Disguises

A gayly costumed and illustrated blog

Halloween costumes and decorations of yesteryear have been my infatuation this October, so this Saturday’s costume (I’m Medusa tonight) will hopefully reflect the old style. What I’ve noticed about, say, ‘20s Halloween, is that costumes revolved less around gore and specific characters, and more around festive dress reflecting common themes of the holiday—jack-o-lanterns, black cats, witches, bats, owls. See what I’m talking about after the jump.

V.18 No.44 | 10/29/2009

[click to enlarge]

Flyer on the Wall

Vampyros Lesbos

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“Yes, this is real life. Stay in your seat.”

Happy Hallow-Meme

I’m usually a pirate. As much as I love Halloween, I always forget to put any sort of forethought into 1) coming up with a costume and 2) buying the stuff necessary to pull of a costume. But I’ve got an ‘80s blousey shirt thing, striped chef pants, a bandana and boots at the ready in my closet. Voila! Pirate ad infinitum.

I know I’m not alone, because I keep seeing the same default-pirates lingering around the punch bowl year after year. It doesn’t have to be that way. Should Halloweetards like us choose to seek help, there’s the Hallow-meme Costume Builder.

21 costume “recipes” show you how to ape of-the-moment cultural items like Balloon Boy (childish clothing + Jiffy Pop container + saucer balloon from Party City) or Kanye West/Taylor Swift at the 2009 VMAs (shutter sunglasses + black collard shirt + bald head kit + toy microphone; blonde wig + meaningless award + red carpet dress), plus billions-hit YouTube staples like the wailing grape-stomping anchor lady (yellow polo shirt + khaki shorts + purple bucket + plastic grapes) or David After the Dentist (seatbelt + Florida Gators T-shirt + tooth blackener). Oolong the Pancake Bunny? Three Wolf Moon group costumes? All our fantasy friends are here. Should you need them.

Webgame Wednesday: Halloween Pumpkins

Halloween is lurking just around the corner. So let's stick with the theme and make even the time we waste at work playing flash games spooky fun. Halloween Pumpkins is your basic stacking game variation on Tetris. But it does feature pumpkins and does get surprisingly strategic as things go along. Make it quick, though, cause that damn witch will mess things up for you!

Also wants to invite you over for a biiiiiite.

Scary Voicemail. Not.

So I got this message on my celly today:

“I just wanted ... to invite you over for a biiiiite. ... I'll be waiting for you ... on the 13th flooooooor.”

The breathing is labored and the voice is cheesy monster spooky. I played it for Nick Brown, who said a couple other people in the office got that message, too. Mine happened twice. Both times, the message played, then there was a long pause, then it repeated.

Prank? Advertising? Anyone else get this thing? Google was no help.

(Also, can we bring “not” back?)

FlashQuiz: Is It Haunted?

I just bought a house. A foreclosed one. With giant cobwebs, tumescent black widows hiding behind every cabinet door, and overturned Nordic Track machines strewn about the property.

It’s an awesome house, and it came at an awesome price. But I worry that it could be haunted. Not that the toilets are filling with blood or anthing—it’s just a concern I nurse for a while after moving into new environs. Because, you never really know for sure until you’ve lived somewhere for a while. Why not? Maybe it’s haunted.

Then again, the apartment I’ve been living in for the past five years seemed just fine, but the all-important first two questions of this this quiz are indicating that it’s actually haunted. Shows what I know.

1. Do you seem to lose important items only to have them reappear later in an area which you had already searched?

2. Do pets such as cats or dogs seem afraid to enter certain areas of the house?

V.18 No.42 | 10/15/2009
Ravages human entrails, plays a little b-ball on the side.

Vampires are Over

Man, I love me some vampire TV shows. But ever since the diamond-skinned, Mormon-flavored Twilight books came out, vamps just aren’t doing it for me anymore. Zombies, which I also adore, are also (un)dead to me due to overuse.

Instead, warewolves are where it’s at. Hairy, animalistic, brutal, subject to a monthly cycle. Love ‘em.

Use this guide to make your own warewolf head.

And if you must dress as a sexy whatever for Halloween, please try to avoid typical Slutoween costumes (things with whiskers, things with wings). Instead, try for something like sexy Antarctica.

V.18 No.43 | 10/22/2009

Sexy Angel/Devil/Rabbit/Maid

Every October 31, I mentally catalogue the Halloween costume clichés on display at the bar/party/graveyard robbing. Why? Probably OCD. But this year, we’re actually going to put it to use by turning the most common costumes into a bingo game. Since it’s been heretofore unwritten, my list is looking skimpy almost a full year after the last round. Please help me fill it out. (I’ll give you candy.) Off the top of my head:


Sexy Angel

Sexy Devil

Well, sexy everything, really.

Local celebrity (Don Schrader, El Bandido)

Zombie/murdered person




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Fat Daisies at Tannex

Big Lucks Books

Celebrate the launch of Carrie Murphy's new book of poems. Readers include Carrie Murphy, Mark Lopez, Jennifer Simpson and Nora Hickey.

The Withdrawals • rock at Low Spirits

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