alibi online
Free Will AstrologyAlibi's Personals
 

humor


V.19 No.32 |
Print journalists do not actually look like this.
comicmix.com
Print journalists do not actually look like this.

journalism, education

Support your local school paper

Crazed journalist allowed access to school children

I was given the opportunity to poison young minds this morning.

The first meeting of the newspaper class at Albuquerque High School met today and I came in to show them how it’s done. I brought along a colleague, Ali Patterson, a copy editor at the Albuquerque Journal, because it is important to show the neophytes that not all newspaper people are disheveled miscreants who mumble a lot and look like they haven’t slept in days. Ali calls the two extremes of journalistic types “type A” and “type B.” There doesn’t seem to be anyone in the middle between the organized A’s and everyone else.

I have spoken with a high school journalism class once before. It had six editors-in-chief. That doesn’t work. A newspaper has to have a mafia-style paramilitary command structure with a supreme commander at the top. Otherwise, nothing will get done. A newspaper is a machine and must run efficiently, even if some of us end up spinning in the gears.

I told the class to select a leader and warned the leader not to be a douche. It is important to get the job done but not to alienate the troops. I’ve had pompous, arrogant editors, and everyone in their employ will eventually undermine them. It’s apparently hard to have power and not abuse it.

A girl in the class rose at the end and identified herself as editor-in-chief. I have no idea if that had already been decided upon or if she was taking the mafia analogy too literally. She certainly seemed to have what it takes.

Ali and I mulled over a few more topics: design, lede writing, learning the devil Associated Press Style, the importance of getting facts right, and the joy of pissing off the powers-that-be.

Ali spoke about checking names, places and all the small things that can screw up an otherwise perfectly good newspaper. I told the kids about the demon readers who only live to find mistakes in newsprint. They’re out there, and they suck.

One kid asked, “What if I get in trouble for a story I write?” I told him to get his facts straight, be fair and tell the truth. They can, and will, get mad, but they can’t do anything about it.

I was a student journalist in college and it changed my life. When I was a kid I was a mark for bullies and mean people. Now they are my collective bitch. Journalism has been a godsend for me, has taught me how to use my words.

The paper was, and is, a place for word nerds to obtain glory they are otherwise denied. Support your local school paper.

We’re going back in a month or two to check out a few issues and offer some critique. I can’t wait.

These morning commutes are killing me.
scene-stealers.com
These morning commutes are killing me.

humor, driving, crazy

Rules for Albuquerque Driving

sorry, Chuck Palahniuk

I wrote Rules for Driving in Albuquerque back in college while I was taking a public speaking class. My topic was “SUV’s and Why I Hate Them,” and the list wasn’t part of the assignment, but an afterthought. I lost a few years in there, so no original copy exists, but my commute daily from Belen to Albuquerque brings the list to mind.

From the best of my recollection this is the list (with apologies to Chuck Palahniuk):

The first rule of Albuquerque driving is you do not use turn signals.

The second rule of Albuquerque driving is you DO NOT USE TURN SIGNALS.

The third rule of Albuquerque driving is if you must use turn signals, use them incorrectly. For example, signal left, make hard right.

The fourth rule of Albuquerque driving is stop signs are optional.

The fifth rule of Albuquerque driving is never drive the speed limit. Drive maddeningly slow or dangerously fast. The middle shall not hold.

The sixth rule of Albuquerque driving is maintain a length of one quarter of a car length behind me on the freeway. What, are you reading my bumper sticker?!

The seventh rule of Albuquerque driving is green means go, yellow means go faster, red lights means stop but only after seven seconds.

The eighth rule of Albuquerque driving is why get a license plate when you can have a temporary tag forever. Trust me, temporary tags are very cool. I don’t understand why this last one hasn’t taken hold up in the northeast whites.

Please, drive safely. Be nice.

V.19 No.31 |
John Bear attends a monday staff meeting.
Clara Speer
John Bear attends a monday staff meeting.

writing

The Freelancer's Prayer

Confessions of a former meeting attendee

I had an editor once who wore sweat pants to the newsroom.
I did not approve. While I’ve never been a GQ type of guy, preferring cheap khakis and work shirts to slacks and dress shirts, I always tried to dress well enough to go to court.
When my editor would come in clutching a bag of McDonalds and a lip-balancing a cigarette, decked out in blue or black sweat pants, I couldn’t help but scoff (and cringe at the knowledge that a soul-crushing, spirit-trashing staff meeting was soon to steal an hour of my day.) Sure, we are print people, but that’s no reason to dress like like one had awakened under a freeway overpass.
I’m not too big to admit that I was wrong. I wrote an article this morning dressed in a t-shirt and boxer shorts. It was heaven. I felt like I had found Jesus after a life in mortgage banking. I have seen the light and been reborn. Hallelujah. Can I get an amen?
I am trying to freelance full time and I think I have just found the first perk among the many terrifying unknowns: no pants. Pants are overrated and a large portion of my operating budget. They have to go.
Lord, I don’t ask you for much, and I’m calling in a favor. Bless me with enough freelance work to continue to revel in the unbearable lightness of chortes. Amen.

Today's Events

Celebrate Halloween with a classic horror film, featuring Robert Englund as dream-killer Freddy Krueger.

Texylvania • rock • YOU • Abandoned Mansions • Storming the Beach With Fliers • Count Rockula at Burt's Tiki Lounge

18th Annual Harvest Festival at Haynes Park

More Recommented Events ››
Join our mailing list for exclusive info, the week's events and free stuff!
 

  • Select sidebar boxes to add below. You can also click and drag to rearrange the boxes; close using the little X icons on each box. To re-add a box you closed, return to this menu.
  • Because you are not logged in, any changes you make to these boxes will vanish as soon as you click to another page. If you log in, the boxes will stick.
  • alibi.com
  • Latest Posts
  • Web Exclusives
  • Recent Rocksquawk Discussions
  • Recent Classifieds
  • Latest User Posts
  • Most Active Users
  • Most Active Stories
  • Calendar Comments
  • Upcoming Alibi Picks
  • Albuquerque
  • Duke City Fix
  • Albuquerque Beer Scene
  • What's Wrong With This Picture?
  • Reddit Albuquerque
  • ABQ Journal Metro
  • ABQrising
  • ABQ Journal Latest News
  • Del.icio.us Albuquerque
  • NM and the West
  • New Mexico FBIHOP
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • Only in New Mexico
  • Mario Burgos
  • Democracy for New Mexico
  • High Country News
  • El Grito
  • NM Politics with Joe Monahan
  • Stephen W. Terrell's Web Log
  • The Net Is Vast and Infinite
  • Slashdot
  • Freedom to Tinker
  • Is there a feed that should be on this list? Tell us about it.
    Get Saved
    Get Saved11.28.2014