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Timewaster

Cannonballs of class

Leisure divingthe latest pointless activitiy making a big splash


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There’s some oft-repeated saying I used to hear in art classes about how “all the good ideas have already been taken.” Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks this is a bunch of blowhard b.s. And the people are taking to the streets. But while they may be disproving the establishment, the results aren’t exactly Kafkaesque.


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Take, for example, the trend of “leisure diving.” Following in the wake (no pun intended) of planking and parkour, this activity proves that people are susceptible to doing really dumb shit in order to get their picture on the interwebs.

But what is lesiure diving, you ask? According to leisuredive.com, it’s a “jump into a body of water (or at least something soft), striking a ‘leisure pose’ in mid-air. Ideally, a photographer captures the moment when the diver has reached peak height above water, when his or her hips are parallel to the waterline.”


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It’s no parkour, but I’ll admit it takes the cake over plankingat least this thing involves elements like timing and physical exertion.

So what’s the next mindless human trend gonna be? I don’t know, but I’m starting to side with my art professoreventually the reservoir will run dry.

The future.
The future.

And when that armageddon of idiocy occurs, my prediction is that the social media and performance-photography hordes will turn to existentialism. The new trend will be called “blanking.” It will involve taking pictures of yourself doing all these crazy things that have already been done. But with the lens cap on.

V.20 No.32 | 8/11/2011

Feature

Captain Edward England Merriweather’s Severely Abridged Planktionary

The ridiculous trend of plankingi.e., lying face down on thingshas taken root globally. To better assist you with the understanding of this phenomenon, the Alibi brings you the Planktionary, as well as the newest, digitally-enhanced companion to the fad: flanking.

[ more >> ] [ permalink ]

news

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Recently discovered vial of Ted Bundy's blood may help uncover more murders.

The Onion is starting a paywall.

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Five million 4chan posts visualized.

Richard Simmons discovers planking, but when will he master flanking?

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sports

Flanking

Because planking is so last week

Scimitar flank
[click to enlarge]
Scimitar flank
Flanking (aka "fake planking") is the art of doing a plank, putting the picture of said plank in Photoshop, and using an elementary understanding of the program to create a plank of epic proportions. Sure, we made this up. But if taking pictures of people laying face down and motionless can take the world by storm, imagine what spiffier pictures will do?

Moon flank
Moon flank

King cobra flank
King cobra flank

As for planking, further research has clued me into its origins. While it's widely held that the fad was started almost 15 years back by a couple British dudes, the Alibi unearthed the fact that it was actually started by the mighty elephant seal, which spends the majority of its life planking. ... Although they could be a little more creative with it:

C’mon, is that all you got?
C’mon, is that all you got?

Fashion

Things I thought were a dream but actually happened: extremely pointy Mexican boots

Play Youtube Video

This is for real. Now let’s bring extremely pointy boots to New Mexico and combine it with planking. We’ll call it “pointing.”

More Videos

sports

Planking in Albuquerque

Why lying flat as a board is the new rage

Planking is what all the cool kids are doing these days. What is it? Apparently you just lay face down on any surface(s), with the stipulation that your body must be stiff. As a plank. That's really about it. It's kind of like parkour on ketaminedone by a sloth.
Being purveyors of all things hip and in-the-know, several Alibi staffers decided to explore this puzzling phenomenon. One finding was that your level of plank-corenessat least in Downtown Albuquerquecan be directly attributed to how much pigeon shit you are willing to subject your face and torso to.
When I was a kid we used to have this thing called "sunbathing." You'd lay facing the other way, on comfortable surfaces like grass and sand. Not face down. Not in pigeon shit. Kids these days.

Today's Events

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