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V.23 No.6 | 2/6/2014

Alibi Sex Survey

Hot on the Heels of Lust

Sexiest experiences, the ex factor, masturbation and talking dirty

Sensual pinnacle

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Alibi Sex Survey

Whatever Turns You On

Burqueño turn-offs and anatomical fetishes

If you wanna get close to the Burqueños y Burqueñas who comprise our sample, suds up on the reg, read voraciously, think critically and cultivate reason and perspective.

Alibi Sex Survey

Beyond Missionary

Creative use of other portals

Front and back doors and how we feel about them.

Alibi Sex Survey

Stars In Our Eyes

An end-of-the-world celebrity hall pass scenario vs. true love

In America, sex and celebrity go together just like summertime and baseball. Although both the fame game and the ball game have European roots, we’ve done our darnedest to make both into national spectacles, though I must admit beisbol seems to be fading.

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Alibi Sex Survey

All Worked Up

Vocational attractions

The Alibi’s second annual Sex Survey asked readers what local business has the sexiest staff, and the results were provocative. It’s no secret most of us spend a significant amount of time making the doughnuts, but who would have thunk so many gorgeous, awesome, desirable and reverie-inducing humans were busy rabbiting away at jobs that range from restaurants to supermarkets, from storied publication houses to shops and institutions of higher learning.

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V.23 No.4 | 1/23/2014
“Girls Hard Love Met Not Seeing Orgasms Orgy,” indeed

Sex Survey

Albuquerque’s Sexiest Experience: Preliminary Results

There are some lucky boyfriends out there

If only all of life was as simple as a data cloud with Sex Threesome looming large in the foreground. Maybe that’s what a future with everyone in the world wearing a Google Glass headset looks like. At least, that’s what it’ll look like in Albuquerque, according to our still-in-progress Second Annual Sex Survey.

Preliminary results from “My sexiest experience ever was …” reveal an interesting recurrence of key phrases from responses like “Successfully tying myself up for my boyfriend, so that when he came home he'd have a nice little surprise after a long day at work.” and “My boyfriend at the time wanted me to become more interested in video games. He told me he wanted me to play Dead Island while he performed oral sex on me.” The resulting cloud obviously only scratches the surface, but it’s clear some people really like their boyfriends.

There’s still time to add your kinky voice to the fray. Second Annual Alibi Sex Survey is still open for business until January 29.

Survey away!

Sex Survey

Let There Be Sex—and Let There Also Be … a Sex Survey!

More sextastic than previously thought possible

And it came to pass in those days (January 2013 to be precise), that there went out a decree from the Weekly Alibi, that all of Albuquerque should be sexed. And all went to be sexed, every one into his (or her) own perversion or persuasion, the better to be counted thereby. And the Alibi looked upon the results of the census, and, behold, it was sexy; for the way of all flesh was not to be denied.

But unlike that dude with the white beard whose response to wickedness was, some might say, a little extreme with the water and the ark and all, the Alibi instead decreed that once again Albuquerque should be sexed. And lo, the Second Annual Alibi Sex Survey came to pass.

Yes, the time has come again to be counted. Top or bottom? Give or receive? Dildo, vibrator, nipple clamp? All of the above? We’re dying to know. Survey is open now until January 29. Results revealed to the eager public on February 6. Get cracking!

V.22 No.46 | 11/14/2013
It’s love at first glare.

Film Review

Blue Is the Warmest Color

I was a teenage lesbian, and all I got was this heartbreaking movie

Depending on which way the wind blows, Blue Is the Warmest Color is either brilliant and groundbreaking or false and perverted. Honestly it’s all of that and more.
V.22 No.28 | 7/11/2013
The Asian corn borer
photo by Ryo Nakano


What Sounds Sexy to a Moth?

¡Viva la Science!

Moths avoid bats. It’s nothing personal, just an understandable desire not to get devoured. In the perpetual evolutionary arms race between the nocturnal creatures, moths seem to have developed ears for the sole purpose of hearing bats’ echolocation cries—because if you want to avoid becoming someone’s midnight snack, getting wind of their approach is key.

Do you remember that part in Dead Poets Society where Robin Williams asks his students why language was invented? “To communicate,” suggests one. “No!” he replies, “To woo women.” Well, humans aren’t the only mammals that have a way of making everything about sex. Until recently, scientists believed that moths could hear sounds, but not produce them. Turns out, though, that most male moths make sounds when they want to engage in a little nookie. And not just any sounds, either—their calls are distinctly bat-like.

A sensory physiology researcher from the University of Southern Denmark, along with colleagues from the University of Tokyo, has been studying two different species of moths to find out exactly how sound is used for courtship. It’s not quite the same for everyone.

In the Asian corn borer, a moth much prettier than it sounds, males make a call that’s indistinguishable from a bat’s hunting cry. Females instinctively freeze at the sound, making it harder for the bats to find them. But in Asian corn borer society, immobility apparently equals consent, because when a female holds still, that’s when the magic of reproduction can happen.

On the other hand, male Japanese lichen moths also make sounds like bats gone a’hunting. But the females of that species aren’t fooled—they can tell the difference between a bat and a suitor. The sound the males make, then, has evolved into a specific mating call.

“The acoustic communication between bats and moths is a textbook example of the interaction between predator and prey,” says Annemarie Surlykke, the researcher from Denmark. “However, our studies show how such a system can evolve, so also moths use their ability to hear and produce sounds to communicate sexually and that they have developed many different ways of doing it. It is a beautiful example of evolutionary diversity.”

If you were wondering how moths can make sounds like bats without attracting their mortal enemies, the key seems to be volume. Moths essentially whisper their calls while only inches apart, whereas bats are pretty much just screaming through the night sky. Spooky! Since we humans aren’t equipped to hear any of it, you’ll just have to imagine what sweet nothings moths murmur to one another.

Source: Science Daily

V.22 No.13 |
CNM Montoya Campus, Periodicals Distro, March 27
Darrell Sparks


CNM Chronicle editor Jyllian Roach speaks out

“What were you thinking?”

“Why a sex issue?”

Before Tuesday, I've never had so many people interested in my thoughts. The idea for an issue based on sex and sexuality first came up in Sept. 2012. The CNM Chronicle managing editor at the time and I had been kicking around all sorts of ideas for a special edition; when I suggested sex and sexuality, we immediately agreed.

The very first article we had decided on was the center spread. “A Rainbow of Sexuality” was something that was very important to me and I knew that no matter what else went into that edition, a round table interview would be the centerpiece.

Every week after, I would tell the writers to come up with ideas and keep a running list of things they thought might be interesting. Just before spring break, we selected the articles that would go into the issue. Everyone on the staff contributed something to the creation of this issue. It mattered to them as much as it mattered to me.

So why do it?

Because we do not talk about sex openly. Sex, sexuality, gender identity and masturbation: these are not dirty words. It is not wrong to talk about these concepts and practices. People have sex. Our parents did it, we do it and, one day, our kids will do it, too. Not talking about these things puts people at risk, not just for pregnancy and STD/STIs, but for abusive relationships, misguided decisions and self-loathing.

From the beginning, my goal was to educate. I wanted to honestly discuss topics that were relevant to the times. Suicide rates among LGBT teens have skyrocketed. The Boy Scouts of America are being boycotted for kicking out gay members. The Girl Scouts of the USA are being boycotted for allowing transgendered children to join. E.L. James’ “50 Shades” trilogy has sold millions of copies and will soon be a adapted into a movie, all while giving a drastically incomplete and sensationalized view of the BDSM community. Realistically, we are an office of 13 people who write for an audience of 30,000. We cannot change the world, but we had the opportunity and an obligation to inform our readers and if even a single person walked away better informed about sex and sexuality, then we made a difference.

We expected disagreement. I learned when I first began working for the Chronicle that pleasing everyone all at once is the sort of goal that will drive a person crazy. I wanted feedback, especially from those who disagreed. I wanted to have open discussions about what others thought was right, wrong or just plain left out. Those comments are what will allow me to do my job better next time.

I thought others would be open to that, too. I believed that I and my staff would be respected as journalists and adults and that those who were offended or upset by the issue would talk to us, as has always been the case in the past. But then, I have always been a bit of an idealist. The up-side to this whole affair is that our issue reached more readers than we expected.

People throughout the nation, and even on other continents, have read all about sex and sexuality. Some of those people may have been offended or disturbed, and that's okay; it is not mandatory to agree with newspapers, but we can be sure now that we reached and educated at least one person.

V.22 No.8 | 2/21/2013

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #4: The final chapter

In which we discover smoking after sex is officially out of fashion, among other things

Just in time for Valentine’s Day, the graphgasmographical data stream comes to a drippy end. Some things I learned about Burqueños: The vast majority have made out with strangers, yet haven’t caught a sexually-transmitted disease. Hmm. They also wouldn’t be caught dead smoking after sex. No surprise there, seeing how high “bad breath” scored on the turn-offs list. There’s a statistical dead heat on the importance of penis size and on having fooled around with a co-worker—so you may as well just flip a coin. The pro-anal-sex camp outnumbers the “once” or “never” camp by a healthy margin. But, more romantically, most people are not interested in an open relationship and would stick with their current partner for that one-last-shtup before the world ends—and furthermore, most have kept friendly with their ex-partners-in-crime. How warm and fuzzy.

So what does that say about Albuquerque? Promiscuous yet hygienic? Faithful yet forgiving? Free-thinking yet conservative? Who the hell knows? I’m just glad you’re all out there keeping things sexy for the rest of us. Let’s do it again sometime.

Have you ever made out with a stranger?

Have you had sex with a boss or co-worker?

Have you ever caught a Sexually Transmitted Disease?

Have you tried anal sex?

If the world were ending, would you have sex with your partner or someone else?

Would you consider an open sexual relationship?

The eternal question: Does penis size matter?

Are you generally on friendly terms with your exes?

Do you like to smoke after sex?

V.22 No.6 |


The Daily Word in gun control, papal possibilities and the thigh gap

The Daily Word

Governor Martinez is backing a bill that would require background checks for gun show purchases.

There is a public information meeting about the Paseo Del Norte/I-25 project.

Is the next Pope a Canadian?

Can the Pope even resign?

Horse meat for Swedish children.

How Ted Nugent avoided the draft.

How Arnold Schwarzenegger enjoyed Carnaval.

Classic porn paperbacks.

There was an emergency alert issued in Montana yesterday.

Things are getting less salty.

The thigh gap.

Did North Korea just blow up a nuclear bomb?

The fugitive LAPD cop may have gotten out of the country.

V.22 No.6 | 2/7/2013

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #3

In which we speak of talking dirty in person and on the phone

This installment tells us many things: Those who are satisfied are the largest voting bloc, but those who aren’t outnumber them. Sharing sex fantasies is more popular than not sharing them. A lot of people have experimented with an alternate gender sex partner, but most haven’t. Cybersex is way too out there for most Burqueños—we prefer phone sex even though it’s not 1995 anymore. And talking dirty is near-universally accepted as the lingua franca of the bedroom. In fact, it may be what binds us together as a race.

On a related note, when the term “Burqueños” is used, we really mean “the 1,405 people who took all or part of our survey, 486 of whom are 22-30 years old and most of whom (969) are under 40.” In case that wasn’t obvious, I mean.

Are you satisfied with your current sexual situation?

Do you share your sexual fantasies with your partner?

Have you had a sexual encounter outside the gender you're used to?

Do you engage in cybersex?

Have you had phone sex?

Do you like talking dirty?

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #2

In which we finally share the sexual frequency of Burqueños in greater detail

Welcome back to the unscientific sharing of self-reported sexual proclivities of Albuquerque residents. This stuff is straight out of the SurveyMonkey data banks (you can also blame them for the cheesy infographic look), so I don’t want to hear any more complaints about histograms, telegrams or candygrams. This is as scientific as it’s gonna get.

The main take-aways here? Alibi readers do it frequently, probably more often than they floss their teeth. They do it together and they do it alone. They have no fear of employing power tools or other prosthetic devices, and they “sometimes” like to mix it up with booze and illicit substances. In other words, this town is one big sex party. Here’s the proof:

How frequently do you have sex with a partner?

How frequently do you masturbate?

Have you used sex toys?

Do you mix alcohol and/or drugs with sex?

Sex and Its Discontents

Alibi Sex Survey graphgasmic data orgy #1

That’s right, I said graphgasmic

Well, I coulda called it. In fact, I did call it: The hate mail has already started to pour in from pissed-off statisticians who found the (ahem) science of the Alibi’s First Ever Sex Survey to be somewhat slipshod. One guy even took issue with the “missing interval” in our when-did-you-lose-your-virginity graph and called our histogram “poorly constructed.” Them’s fightin’ words, partner! And if we knew what a histogram was, we’d be goddamn well pissed off about it. But let’s just get this out there right in the open right now: those finding the science to be lacking simply failed to notice that there was no science AT ALL. Dammit, Jim, I’m a newspaper man, not a statistician.

Here’s the truth: We used the WRONG NUMBERS for the virginity/age graph. They were actually the numbers from the “how old are you” demographic question, hence the failure of the graph to “correlate with the discussion.” So in the end, it’s not a question of missing intervals and histowhatsits, it is instead a question of being a fuckup.

In the interest of both science and setting the record straight, here now is the RIGHT GRAPH—both a legible one with low-scoring answers omitted (a practice applied to pretty much all the graphs we ran) and an ALMOST ILLEGIBLE one with ALL THE DATA (including such spurious answers as “0” and “1”). Happy? I hope so. More sexy graphs to come. Stay tuned.

Today's Events

Kids Craft: Autumn Mandalas at South Broadway Library

Kids have fun coloring autumn-themed mandalas. Children must be accompanied by an adult.

Wayne Wesley Johnson • solo guitar at Eldorado Hotel & Spa

Tasty Wednesday: Organic NM Traditional Balsamico at Los Poblanos Historic Inn & Organic Farm

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