There is no getting around the fact that no matter how much you popcorn you make, no matter how many times you take that “one last trip” to the candy table, no matter how many live-tweeting parties you view, the Oscars are just sort of boring. Over the last few years, the games have been running at around 4 hours. Add in 2 or so hours of pre-show-red-carpet-shenanigans and you’ve got yourself one freaking ridiculously long night.

And what better way to pass that than with a little drinking game? With the help of the folks at the Huffington Post, nextmovie.com, and a few ideas from my own little brain, I’ve compiled the official Unofficial Drinking Game for the 2013 Oscars. Hit the jump for prompts to keep your night interesting, informational and classy. And please, please, please … be responsible.

On the Red Carpet take a drink every time:

• A celebrity evades a question.

• Someone says they are "so excited to be here."

• A celebrity is photobombed.

• A celebrity is asked who they are wearing.

• You see a celebrity who brought a parent/family member as their date.

• Someone wears a truly hideous dress (yes, we'll leave that up to your own discretion).

• A man wears two-toned shoes with a suit/tux

During the Oscars take a drink each time:

• Someone thanks their parents and/or God.

• Someone acknowledges Meryl Streep.

• A loser begrudgingly smiles to the camera.

• Someone says they didn't have a speech prepared.

• Seth MacFarlane cracks a failed joke.

• Seth McFarlane does a cartoon voice.

• The camera cuts to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner.

• The band tries to cut off someone's speech.

• Someone cries.

• Someone curses on stage and is bleeped out.

• Someone says, "I couldn't have done this without … "

• J-Law says something “charmingly unscripted.”

• A winner uses their speech time as a political/environmental/humanitarian platform.

• Someone says they didn't have a speech prepared.

• Someone mentions the Grammy wardrobe restrictions

• Someone winks at the camera

• A cartoon character is shows wearing Oscar-worthy clothing.

Finish your drink if:

• Jennifer Lawrence wins Best Actress and the camera pans to Meryl Streep.

• One of the cast of Les Misérables sings.

• Adele gets a standing ovation after singing “Skyfall.”

Klezmer is a musical tradition of the Ashkenazic Jews of Eastern Europe consisting mainly of dance tunes and large instrumental ensembles for weddings and other celebrations. This weekend marks the return of the 11th annual KlezmerQuerque music and dance festival. This anticipated event is produced by Congregation Nahalat Shalom, its 20-piece intergenerational Community Klezmer Band and Rikud Yiddish dance troupe. Beginning tomorrow night at 6:30 p.m., enjoy a weekend of concerts, workshops, dance parties, traditional instruments, services, tasty foods and more. You can even learn the art of Profane Jewish Dance (aka “Yemenite hip-hop”). Visit nahalatshalom.org or facebook.com/KlezmerQuerque for more information. Congregation Nahalat Shalom • Fri Feb 15 • 6:30 pm • $15-$20 • ALL-AGES! • View on Alibi calendar

• congregation nahalat shalom
• song & dance event

In September of 1978, Queen staged an infamous nude, female-only bicycle race to promote their double A-side single "Bicycle Race"/"Fat Bottomed Girls," proving once and for all that bicycles and romance go together perfectly. Whether you are single or in a relationship this Valentine's weekend, look towards the Bosque and a shiny two-wheeler to fulfill all of your romantic hopes. Routes Rentals and Tours, which opened in Old Town in 2011, is hosting two different tours this V-day, as well as on Saturday and Sunday. The "Romance on the Rio" couples tour takes travelers along some of the most romantic spots along the Rio Grande to experience spectacular landscapes, Valentine's folklore and New Mexican architecture. For single ladies and gents, the "Vino on the Rio" takes un-attached riders to the idyllic Casa Roneña Winery for a full wine tasting and tour. All tours end up back at Routes headquarters where participants can enjoy goodies such as hot cocoa and locally-made gourmet chocolates. Visit routesrentals.com for full tour information and pricing options. Routes Rentals and Tours • Thu Feb 14 • 11 am • $25-$30 • ALL-AGES! • View on Alibi calendar

• routes rentals and tours
• community event

What's steamy, fun, romantic and … inflatable? A hot air balloon, of course! Get into the Valentine's spirit this weekend with the Friends and Lovers Balloon Rally at the Balloon Fiesta Park. This playful Valentine's-themed event is produced and sponsored by the Albuquerque Aerostat Ascension Association and will feature competition races, special shapes and the flight of nearly 135 balloons. Launch time is 7 a.m. both tomorrow and Sunday and admission is free. So bundle up, make some hot cocoa, shake your spouse and/or kids out of bed and spend a morning enjoying one of our great state's most celebrated traditions. Balloon Fiesta Park • Sat Feb 9 • 7 am • FREE • View on Alibi calendar

• balloon fiesta park
• community event

NASA PHOTO

Sometimes, in order for something to be seen clearly, we need to take a step back and look at it from a distance, with a new perspective. The same goes for our planet. Since the first color image of the world from space was captured from a NASA weather capsule in 1967, scientists have been using such data to better understand life on earth. Tomorrow, the National Museum of Nuclear Science and History will open an exhibit titled Earth from Space. This 20-poster set features beautiful images from across the globe that illustrate how satellite imagery is gathered, what sorts of technologies are used to gather it, and how this information is used to better mankind's understanding of the third rock from the sun. The display is available for view daily through April, and admission is $8 for adults and $7 for students, seniors and youth. National Museum of Nuclear Science and History • Sat Feb 2 • 9 am-5 pm • $7-$8 • View on Alibi calendar

• national museum of nuclear science and history
• community event

 

A childhood spent gluing 30 heart-shaped suckers to the backs of 30 Scooby Doo fill-in-the-blank Valentines year after year has left me itching for some creativity in the V-day card realm. What a privilege it is, then, to be able to participate in judging the famous, fabulous annual Alibi Valentine’s Day Card Contest. And if last year’s entries are any indicator of just how artistic and lovey (or sometimes not) this city is, then we are in for a true treat. The entry deadline is Monday at 4 p.m. so plan on spending your weekend waist-deep in glitter, decoupage, tiny cupid-shaped stencils and whatever other supplies get you in the mood.

Ari LeVaux

Squash pie

The American Pie Council (APC) invites lovers of all things delicious, warm, buttery and hearty (seriously, who doesn’t love pie?) to commemorate this glorious occasion. How will you celebrate? Take a trip to Pie Town, New Mexico? Bake a round of apple, blackberry, pecan or chocolate goodness? Since we’re New Mexicans, does Frito pie count?

Albuquerque blogger, award-winning baker and pie advocate Rebecca Jo Dakota suggests the 10 best ways to celebrate the day on her website piepals.com. It’s certainly not too late to turn this otherwise-ordinary Wednesday into a truly delectable tradition.

Oh "Schoolhouse Rock," what would my childhood have been without you? Those who grew up on the program know how much of their comprehension of conjunctions, bones, and the electoral college can be attributed to its catchy, education tunes. The Emmy-Award winning Saturday-morning cartoon series has been teaching lessons on history, grammar, math and politics since the 1970's. The classic stories and favorite songs are now making their way to the Albuquerque stage with "Schoolhouse Rock Live." Follow the story of Tom, a nervous school teacher just trying to relax with a bit of television, as he is bombarded with facets of his personality who emerge to show him how to win his students over with imagination and music. Visit theboxabq.com for tickets and more information on this family-friendly show. The Box Performance Space and Improv Theatre • Fri Jan 18 • 6 pm • $10 • View on Alibi calendar

• the box performance space and improv theatre
• stage event

In 1930, Robert H. Goddard relocated to Roswell, New Mexico where he spent 15 years testing and launching 31 different rockets. So began the history of rocketry in our great state. For the last 83 years, dedicated and talented engineers, scientists, mathematicians, researchers, and civilians have made strides in space emergencies, UFO research, human spaceflight development and beyond. Loretta Hall, award-winning space ambassador and author of Out of This World: New Mexico’s Contributions to Space Travel, will be giving a presentation on New Mexico's contributions to the world of space exploration over the last century, and the exciting continuation of these efforts through Spaceport America. The lecture is free and open to the public, and copies of Hall's book will be available for purchase. Old San Ysidro Church, Corrales • Thu Jan 17 • 7 pm • FREE • View on Alibi calendar

• old san ysidro church
• community event

There isn’t too much that can be said about this video…except that even when dogs ruin everything, they still make it all better. It’s not certain how these two pups made it onto the field during this match between the Turkish team Galatasaray and Germany's VfR Aalen. This fact somehow makes it all the more cute.

 

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