BUT, He’s Gay
Only one more week of Cynthia Izaguirre
Beloved KOAT Action 7 News anchor Cynthia Izaguirre is leaving Albuquerque local news as of the 21st. Izaguirre, the talking head who brought the world so much joy with this Freudian slip, wrote a beautiful poem, an ode to New Mexico:
It was January 2000 when New Mexico called my name..
I came to work for KOAT and my life would never again be the same.
My beloved Sandia Mountains quickly became my favorite place.
I learned to ski, hike and stare at the heavens face to face.
From Carlsbad Caverns to Cabezon Peak,
and how could I forget my Abiquiu retreat.
The land and spirit here are so beautiful to me,
That's why it's so hard for me to leave --
From the Native American jewelry, to all the traditions,
New Mexico in my life was such a great addition.
From my KOAT buddies to all of my close friends.
to all the viewers that I've met, this is one part of my journey I will never forget.
Thank you New Mexico... from the bottom of my heart.
How could you forget your Abiquiu retreat? You are welcome, Cynthia.
A Pointless Rant On Rotten Music
Featuring: "The Buzz Box" infomercial
Sometimes, when there's nothing on late-nite TV, it's surprisingly enjoyable (pathetic and sad) to watch infomercials for music collections--"Malt Shop Memories [pre-rock 'n' roll pop]," "Midnight Soul [slow jams from the '90s]," "Lifetime of Romance [nauseating love songs of yore]," "Classic Soft Rock [the best music ever made]"....
"The Buzz Box" is a new collection recently invented, containing "all the best new rock from the '90s and 2000s." This includes tracks from respectable bands like R.E.M., Blur, Blind Melon, Lemonheads and L7. It also includes irritating radio hits from the likes of Goo Goo Dolls, Counting Crows, Bush, Stone Temple Pilots, along with unmemorable one-hit-wonders like Dishwalla, Semisonic and Seven Mary Three. Representing the "2000s" segment of the collection is the music of douchy nu-metal acts like Creed, Stained, Papa Roach, Puddle of Mud, along with douchy pop-punk/emo acts like Simple Plan, Chevelle and Finch.
Despite the celebrity endorsement by repulsive '90s singer Mark McGrath, along with the peer approval character posed behind a stacks of Cd's, testifying about a successful party afforded by "The Buzz Box," the collection's legitimacy is unconvincing. Aside from its themelessness-
Unlike "Malt Shop Memories" infomercials, the "The Buzz Box" is just annoying, and lacks the comforting ambiance many music infomercials lend to late-nite TV. No more stooping to watch this rotten sales pitch late at night...
Tits, Ass and Shameless Plugs
Has anyone seen The Scott Conner Show?
A couple months ago my boyfriend was asked to be a guest on "The Scott Conner Show," so two Alibi staffers and myself attended the live taping at the Wool Warehouse downtown. It started off normal enough--we got cocktails and sat down at a table. However, once the show commenced, I couldn't believe the spectacle in which we were taking part.
After being given instructions on when and how to applaud, the music started and five sexy dancing girls began to awkwardly shimmy before us. It was like a low-budge "The Man Show," and I felt embarrassed for myself and everyone else in the room. This went on for some time, and eventually Scott Conner showed up for a monologue. After a series of bad jokes, he took a seat and plugged his sponsor McDonalds, actually saying their tag line, "I'm lovin' it." At this point my two companions and I collectively shuddered. Meanwhile, I'm told the backstage contained a general air of chaos, complete with a horde of screaming children. On stage, guests were cycled through and "interviewed." Interviewees were allotted only a few words before being interrupted by Scott Conner, who usually broke in to talk about himself in a humorously self-deprecating way. There were a few more rounds of dancing girls, then the show culminated in a dance party of dancing girls, party boys and one single hippy in tie dye. The production was so bad it was almost hilarious. But not quite.
The show's translation to television is even worse. Bad lighting, sound and angles are paired with scrolling ads at the bottom of the screen--ads for things like mattresses. C'mon! It feels sad to pan these folks, but why bother putting so much effort into something that just insults itself in the end? It's undignified. The show airs Monday through Friday at 12:35 a.m. and 1:40 a.m. on KRQE 13.
Is your life is lacking in non sequiter websites? Superbad, a maze-like late '90s online installation, which, according to wikipedia, drew acclaim around the turn of the century, is revered as a web art classic. It's never too late to read the classics, so why should it be too late (or lame) to see classic websites? This could be the well-roundedness of the future.
Soft Rock Forever, News
Imagine my horror upon learning that the ass masters over at VH1 are assaulting soft rock this Friday by counting down the supposed "40 most softsational soft rock songs." What a farce! True soft rock is encapsulated in an approximate 12 to 17 year period between the early '70s and the mid '80s. Meanwhile VH1 can't resist adding (current easy listening ass-wipe) James Blunt to the program. It's deeply absurd, yet unsurprising. More than half of soft rock's heyday happened before the rise of music videos, therefore the channel is left to pull total bullshit out of their rectums. Those jerks.
Stop the Presses! Tiny Ducklings Rescued!
Nine ducklings were found trapped in a storm drain yesterday near I-40 and I-25. Eight survived and the mother flew the coop.
Zinger Factory, Ho!
The Pajama Men bring back Dirty Thursdays
Starting this Thursday night, otherwise known as tonight, Mr. Allen and Mr. Chavez add an evening of improv to an already swell performance schedule. Shows happen at 9 p.m., last about an hour and extend through next Thursday and the one after that. The zingers happen at Q-Staff Theater, located at 4819 Central NE (between Washington and San Mateo, across from the Highland Theater). Improv goers are advised that they will not be dragged on stage and humiliated unless they want to be. Call 505-255-2182 for more details.
Aloha, Don Ho
'Tiny Bubbles' singer dies at 76
The Onion Has Lame Merchandise
I saw their crap advertised right on the cover in an issue that's hanging out in our women's bathroom. For example, they have a shirt that says "Your favorite band sucks." Wow, that's really clever, guys. Who are you catering to? Frat guys? Teenage boys? Posers? My guess is yes, yes and yes.
My newish kitchen has nearly zero counter space. That means gone are the days when I'd put hours into complicated new culinary experiments. The space constraints are just too stressful. So until I have the vast kitchen of my dreams, I'm relegated to making the least time-consuming dishes I can conceive. And other night I made something good.
Now, I'm a vegetarian and a total amateur (read, the condescending term some "chefs" like to throw around, "home cook"), so to some this supper might be lacking or inaccurately executed. Nevertheless, here it is (pretentious professionals can get bent):
Green Chile Twice Baked Potatoes
Here's an old, often-forgotten classic. Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Wash potatoes and, with a fork, poke deep holes in 'em. Sophisticated people might then coat the potatoes with a touch of oil and salt, either way, put the potatoes directly onto the oven rack and, if you care about the state of your oven, place a cookie sheet on the bottom rack to catch product. Next, wait for an hour. This may be a good time to wash and chop the bok choy (see below). When the potatoes feel both crispy and soft, take them out of the oven. I usually get to slicing them up right away, but this means I burn my fingers. To avoid this you might want to give them some time to cool off.
Slice the top quarter of the baked potato Next, scoop out the mush from both parts and place in a bowl. Leave enough potato attached to the skin to allow it to keep its potato shape. Add butter (one small pad per potato), chopped green chile (one heaping tablespoonful per potato) and salt and pepper to taste. Now, this is a little confusing: I only had vanilla rice milk so I poured a bit of that and a bit of green chile juice into the mixture in place of regular (gross) cow's milk. You can go ahead and use the juice or any kind of milk you like. I added the liquids until it was the consistency of mashed potatoes. Scoop the potatoes back into the shells and top with cheddar (or not). You can also add things such as chives, green onions, garlic, bacon, tofu or shredded cheese to the potatoes. Place potatoes in a pan and put them back into the oven for about twenty minutes. This would be a good time to sautee your bok choy (see below).
Garlic Sauteed Baby Bok Choy
Wash and pull apart several bunches of baby bok choy. Chop off the thickest end parts. Mince three medium-sized garlic cloves. Pour the tiniest amount of olive or canola oil into a large, wide pan. Heat the oil and garlic on medium heat. Add bok choy to the pan and stir it around. When it's nice and wilted, add crushed red pepper (or none if you don't like the spicy, a bunch if you do) and a touch of salt to taste, stir it around and you're done. I guess it may be hard to find b.b.c. (I get mine at Trader Joe's), so let it be known that this same method can be applied to spinach or any kind of greens.
And that's it.....I recommend pairing this dish with a dry white wine and the first season of Lost, but I suppose beer and Boston records would be nice too.
P.S. The stove shot in that first photo contains a horrendous kettle. See it? Do you think inanimate objects can have bad vibes? Either way, it's really ugly in a stupid, modernist sort of way.