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The Daily Word in Phillip Seymour Hoffman, the origin of the Universe and goat simulation

The Daily Word

Bill Nye the Science Guy and Ken Ham the Creationist Man finally went head to head in the "origin of the Universe" debate last night. Condensed version: Ham thinks God did it, while Nye says something doesn't add up about that whole Noah's Ark business.

Some New Mexicans are freaked out by the snow that fell this week. They say it doesn't melt. I was going to test this myself but all the snow, um, melted.

CVS is no longer enabling your nicotine addiction. But the guy hanging out in the parking lot will be happy to help you try something harder.

Overnight raids by the NYPD uncovered drug dealing suspects with a possible connection to Philip Seymour Hoffman's death.

Maybe you're feeling a little schlubby this morning and you wonder if it's because Mercury is in retrograde. Here's a way for you to find out.

Big news in the video game world: the people's desire to pretend to be a goat will not go unanswered. Coffee Stain Studio's Goat Simulator may soon enter Beta development.

news

The Daily Word in the State of the Union, tumbleweed uprisings and the Toe Jesus of Silver City

The Daily Word

Last night, Obama gave his annual State of the Union address. Here's the important part.

And, of course, the rebuttal.

How not to deal with the media: New York representative threatens to throw reporter off balcony and "break him in half." With the cameras running.

Remember that time Pete Seeger refused to cooperate with HUAC? He did offer to sing them some songs though.

The Journal has an interactive map and comprehensive timeline of APD shootings, as well as information on the resulting cost to taxpayers.

More proof that God's running out of ideas for miracles: The Toe Jesus of Silver City. Go home, God. You're drunk.

Watch out, everybody! The tumbleweeds are fighting back!

news

The Daily Word in Rob Ford, the State of the State and Jimmy Dean's controversial sausage

The Daily Word

Gov. Susana Martinez delivered her "State of the State" address yesterday. The gist: she's for good things and against bad things. If only her policies reflected that.

The Candy Lady is heading to court to fight her eviction today. Maybe she should just pay her rent already?

The KKK has hit on a new recruitment strategy: Lollipops! and racism! (The second part isn't new.)

New Mexico's anal-probe-happy police officers have just cost taxpayers $1.6 million.

Toronto mayor Rob Ford is still crazy and drunk. Also, apparently, Jamaican?

A candidate for the Florida House of Representatives celebrated MLK day by calling for the lynching of President Obama. "I guess they're going to call me a racist now," he added.

Jimmy Dean has discontinued their 16oz roll of sausage and this Texan is mad as hell about having to buy a 12oz "fucking pussy roll of sausage."

news

The Daily Word in banana capers, devil babies and standing your ground

The Daily Word

The NSA is still watching you masturbate/plot terrorist attacks/play minesweeper, even if your computer is offline.

In the far future, you will tell your children that January 15, 2014 was the day you first heard of the Great Banana Caper.

Life-sized robot baby teaches innocent passersby that children are evil and should never be approached, no matter how pathetically they cry.

More proof that children are evil: Nasty notes from the under-10 set. "Sorry because of nothing."

The attorney representing a former police officer who shot and killed a man for texting in a movie theater is arguing that the shooter was actually a victim in fear for his life. Because the other man threw popcorn at him.

Neutral Milk Hotel will be stopping by Albuquerque in April.

And finally, the world is dark and depressing and our hearts go out to the children of Roswell.

news

The Daily Word in Dennis Rodman, vindictive traffic jams and La Santa Muerte

The Daily Word

Council watch: Albuquerque officials get catty on camera.

Kim Jong Un and Dennis Rodman are still BFFs. Even if Rodman can't sing.

Governor Chris Christie may use traffic snarls to punish his enemies. So whose local slap fight is to blame for construction on south San Mateo?

Lost footage from The Day the Clown Cried, Jerry Lewis's misbegotten Holocaust film and apparently one of the worst movies ever made (but only seven people have ever seen it, so who knows?), has been found.

Can you tell real headlines from fake? Is this one fake?

A Veterans Affairs Medical Supply Center in an Albuquerque is removing all Duck Dynasty items from their shelves.

And La Santa Muerte is stalking the streets of 'Burque.

news

The Daily Word for a New Year

The Daily Word

I'm crawling out of bed on New Year's Day just for you, beloved readers.

But hey, happy new year! Let's all look forward to the year of the swan, the salamander, the e-engagement, the modest sheath dress, the brain, the bros, the pitcher, the light heavyweights and 48 other things proclaimed by writers all over the world.

Somebody made a big mess in Times Square last night. About 50 tons of mess. And somebody else has to clean it up.

If you head out for breakfast today you might notice that your Albuquerque servers are a little bit happier. About a buck fifty an hour happier, in fact.

And the Boy Scouts of America will be slightly more tolerant starting today.

But those opposed to Obamacare will be fuming.

Hey! A lot of people saw a lot of monsters last year. Monsters like big gold fish, suspicious logs in lakes, mangy dogs and a giant squid.

And now I'm going back to sleep.

food

Dark Beer and Dark Films for a Dark Weekend

Hey hop heads: This Saturday is the Winter Solstice, the darkest, longest night of the year. In preparation, Bird of Paradise (5409 Gibson SE) will be holding its first annual Dark Beer Festival tonight at 6pm, featuring a line up of black-barleyed libations for you to huddle up with while evil spirits stalk the pre-Solstice night outside. Flights of four different beers are $8 and include several special edition ales from brewers like Sierra Nevada and O'Dell.

Once you've slept off your courage stoking beer fix, you'll be ready for the Dark Matter Film Festival's Horror Bites! marathon at the Guild Cinema (3405 Central NE) on Saturday at 2pm. Horror Bites! will feature a collection of short horror and sci-fi films handpicked by such local luminaries as the Alibi's own Devin O'Leary.

View in Alibi calendar calendar
news

The Daily Word in a very personal End of the World, a broken carcass eater and antiquing in "the Burq"

The Daily Word

The Dallas Morning News has an article about antiquing in Albuquerque, or "The Burq" as locals apparently call it. (Hat tip to Duke City Fix for spotting this.)

Give the man a hand and a leg up. Because his severed hand was grafted to his ankle for safe keeping until it could be reattached, and therefore puns are in order.

It may not quite be Mission Impossible, but the secret bidding war to repatriate long-lost Hopi artifacts to the tribe was still pretty cool.

The End of the World has finally come for Doomsday prophet Harold Camping.

Stores like Toys R Us are going to stay open for nearly 100 straight hours in the run up to Christmas. So you can get your toy shopping done at 3am on Sunday night if you're the creepiest person on the planet.

New Mexico Agriculture Department's huge, two-story tall "animal carcass grinder/digester" is still not working. And thank God, I say, because that sounds terrifying.

news

The Daily Word in cemetery Christmas trees, a not-so-terrible pope and Bubba the rogue goat

The Daily Word

Christmas will be here before you know it, but that's no excuse to steal trees from dead people.

After seeing how much fun Albuquerque had with it, Valencia County is considering an abortion ban of its own.

North Carolina police have successfully captured Bubba the rogue goat. APD take note: they didn't shoot him.

109 gun related state laws have been passed since the Newtown massacre. 70 of them loosened restrictions.

Another Albuquerque restaurant decided that it could cut costs by not paying its employees the legal minimum wage. But it turns out that the Feds look down on that sort of thing.

Should the teachings of the church be allowed in the public square? What if it's the Church of Satan?

For those who have been too often stymied by the choice between playing a board game and handling dead rodents, here's the chess set you've been waiting for.

Pope Francis has been named Time's Person of the Year due to his incredible achievement of not being completely terrible.

news

The Daily Word in black Santa, garbage fruit and ruined dog breeds

The Daily Word

Nope, UNM didn't blow up yesterday.

There's a downside to putting your church on wheels: somebody might steal it.

Britain has a special holiday gift for China: £45 million worth of pig semen.

How to be a reverse racist, an instructional video.

Meet the durian, the spiky king of fruits which smells like delicious, delicious garbage.

Eight examples of how purebred dogs have been ruined.

It turns out that asking questions like "If Santa Claus is a black man, wouldn't all the presents be stolen?" doesn't really help the cause of diversity.

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