Heh

“No In-Out Privileges.” That’s what she said.

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Even if you want to be all cool and like, “I’m sick of that Lynette. I liked her way back when, but now ... shooooot, ” this is funny shit. It really is.

Yup. Breading is the new planking. That is all.

Fig. 3 King cobra flank

Captain Edward England Merriweather’s Severely Abridged Planktionary: Yesterday, my plank skank friends formal planked on top of my cousin’s wedding cake. The planktronica was so uplifting, that I, too, decided to splank on top of a table while a planktographer took some hilarious pics. What the hell did that mean, you say? Read the Alibi’s “severely abridged planktionary” to understand the sentences above, and to know what plawkers and plankophiles are.

Three, two, one FLANKOFF!: Now, if you’re too embarassed to plank, then flanking, the art of faking planks via Photoshop, is for you. The Alibi is looking for potential flank skanks who can top our epic flanks. Read the article for more details.

Donald Wolf, 55, who was arrested by state troopers for public drunkenness after witnesses said they saw him trying to give mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dead possum on a highway northeast of Pittsburgh.

The 2010 Odds & Ends awards honors this year's weirdest and stupidest news.

2010 Odds & Ends Awards: The year in weird news

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Girlfriend has a point

Sassy gay friends. If stereotypes are to be believed (so much easier than thinking!), gay friends will never let you wear something that makes your butt look big. This serious look at the phenomenon of straight lady/gay guy relationships asks, “What if Ophelia had a sassy gay friend?”

See more at The Second City Network.

Our friends over at nextround.net have come up with a collection of venn diagrams that manage to explain a good amount of why things are like they are.

Charles Lavoie has discovered the key to a unified theory of New Yorker cartoon humor.

Remember when you tried to sell your scooter on Craigslist? And some guy kept e-mailing you a bunch of bullshit so you wished you’d never even messed around with Craigslist in the first place? Maybe it was this guy.