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Ty Takes a Meal

Announcing an Alibi blog only contest

MYSTERY RESTAURANT
Ty Bannerman
Where could it be?

Hey there, reader. Do you like winning things? Do you like staring at terrible photos and wondering what they're of? And, most importantly, do you like eating out in Albuquerque restaurants enough that you've memorized their decor and can spot it instantly in the above mentioned terrible photos?

Well, then I've got a contest for you.

Once a week, probably on a Monday, or maybe on a Tuesday, or maybe on some other day, I'll post a photo from one of my culinary expeditions around town. Your job will be to identify which restaurant it comes from in a comment. First one to post the correct answer will be eligible for the BIG MONTHLY ALIBI BUCKS DRAWING, meaning that you'll have a 1/4 or 1/5 (I am bad at both months and math) chance of winning a free gift certificate to a local eatery.

Now, January is just about over, but as a special incentive we're going to go ahead and start playing now anyway. Meaning that, since there are only two Tuesdays left in the month (including this one), the winning commenter will have double odds of landing the Alibi Bucks prize.

So, there it is, up in the corner: a joint I stopped in at last week. Where is it? Winner will be announced next Tuesday (or maybe Monday) along with the next restaurant pic. And then the winner of that week's contest will go HEAD TO HEAD with the winner of this week's contest in a battle royale I like to call "Draw the winner from a hat."

Food

The Worst Cooking on the Web

The Internet can be both incredibly helpful and affirming: a vast repository of all the world's knowledge; a great town hall where minds can meet across cultures and countries and share their ideas and insights; a truly global community. But anyone who has spent more than an hour online knows that it can also be a seedy freak show and a sometimes disturbing glimpse into how truly pathetic so many of us humans really are.

Like every other aspect of the web, online cooking videos land all over that spectrum. Now, any other day I might choose to point you to the best that are available, but because it’s Monday morning, I’m in the mood for a train wreck. So, let me present to you the worst cooking videos on the Internet as judged by a panel of one expert (me). Oh, sure, there may be grosser or more depraved ones out there, but as far as I'm concerned, these three are unmatched in terms of reducing the human condition to its most piteous.

3. Steven Reed's Chili Cheese Dip

Play Youtube Video

Apparently, somebody at Weber State University thought that the student body there could benefit from a how-to series on cooking simple, economical meals. That doesn’t seem like a bad idea until you see the execution. This is "cooking" at its most basic: two things are (barely) mixed together and then heated. But come on, a jar of processed cheese and a can of chili?

I don't know what worries me more, that a person in a decision-making position at Weber State thought that their students could use instructions on opening cans and then microwaving the contents, or that those students might actually need those instructions.

Or maybe the fact that the laconic, shuffling host is a convicted sex offender.

2. Popcorn Cereal

Play Youtube Video

This one is slightly less sad than Reed's video, if only because this guy actually manages to successfully cook popcorn and he doesn't even need a microwave to do it. That's not much of an achievement, though, and in the end this is still a video by a dude who thinks that pouring tap water into a bowl of popcorn counts as some kind of recipe.

1. Hot Dogs and Peaches

Play Youtube Video

Ugh. This one is a straight-up nightmare. Not a scary monster chasing you through endless hallways sort of nightmare, but the kind where unpleasant and dangerous things are happening and nothing makes sense. Random fires break out. There's a toilet in the kitchen. A mumbling man decides that hot dogs blended with peaches would make a good drink.

I hold out hope that some aspects of this video are a joke (seriously, hot dogs and peaches?), But even if the vlogger is pulling our leg a little bit, that doesn't change the fact that this fetid hellhole is his kitchen. Piles of garbage on the floor, the stove and sink filled with filthy dishes and random appliances, that toilet; whether or not the “cooking” is a prank, the (miserable, squalid) joke is still on him.

So, those are my nominees for the worst cooking on the web. But if there is one golden rule about awful things on the Internet, it is that there is always more, and it is always worse. Feel free to share your own nominees, barring any pornographic cooking videos, which almost certainly exist, but which I’d very much like to continue being ignorant of.

More Videos

Food

All Ears

Exploring the world of heirloom maize

For this week’s issue, Gail Guengerich decides it’s high time we started thinking beyond sweet, yellow corn. Instead, she suggests we delve into the many other varieties of maize available in the Albuquerque area, from blue corn to chicos.

Food for Thought: Beyond King Corn

Food

Food Truck Fight?

As food trucks grow in popularity and start motoring into more and more parts of our city, there are bound to be some growing pains associated with them. The Nob Hill Neighborhood Association will be discussing some food truck related issues at their meeting tonight at 6:30 p.m. at Build New Mexico (122 Tulane).

In particular, some members of the Association are concerned that food trucks have been blocking usage of brick and mortar businesses and clogging up public parking. They’d like to see the area’s zoning changed so that trucks are relegated to setting up shop outside of parking lots and away from storefronts. Others believe that the mobile restaurants make the area more pedestrian friendly and vibrant overall and shouldn’t be restricted.

If you’ve got an opinion on this issue, consider stopping by the meeting and voicing your concerns. You can also email the Nob Hill Main Street Board at nobhillabqmainstreet@gmail.com or leave a comment on the Neighborhood Associatin’s facebook page.

We at the Alibi will be following this issue as well, so check back for updates in the near future.

Food

Turkey Foul

U.S. Department of Agriculture

Your Calendar Editor made a boo-boo and told everyone that Cecilia’s downtown location would be serving up a Thanksgiving meal this Thursday. The truth, however, is that it is Cecilia’s in NOB HILL that will be dishing out four courses of autumnal goodness. Call (505) 268-1147 to make your reservation.

View in Alibi calendar calendar
Food

Thanksgiving Alternatives

Burque restaurants serve up your favorite Turkey Day dishes and then do the dishes!

Perfectly cooked—by somebody else
U.S. Department of Agriculture
Perfectly cooked—by somebody else

Sick of wrangling a 12-pound bird into the oven, being confined to your kitchen for 7 hours and then desperately attempting to keep your toddler from giving his perfectly cooked yams to the dog every November? Well, the restaurants of the Duke city feel your pain and have come to the rescue. From casinos to buffets to fine dining, your favorite local spots are dishing up classy, tasty and festive spreads. Check out our Thanksgiving food calendar for times and menu information. Most sit-down meals require reservations, so give them a call to make sure it’s not all gobbled up before you get there.

Food

Sip Into Fall

Cocktails to warm you against the chill

As the weather turns cold, what could be better than reclining by the fire on a dark evening with a delicious, warming cocktail in hand? Liquor connoisseur Greg Mays, of simple-cocktails.com, offers recipes for three of his favorite Autumnal drinks to help you do just that in this web exclusive:

The Spirits of Autumn.

Food

The Insectivore’s Dilemma

Mealworms give the pasta an extra crunch.
Ty Bannerman
Mealworms give the pasta an extra crunch.

Oh, the things I do for my job. For instance, eating a bunch of bugs. Sound intriguing? Like something you’d like to try for yourself? Then read my article to get your appetite going and call up the ABQ BioPark at 848-7180 to purchase your tickets for this Sunday’s Creeping, Crawling Cuisine dinner. Hurry! Ticket sales end today at 5 p.m.

Food for Thought: The Insectivore’s Dilemma

Food

Bread of the Dead

and other Dia de los Muertos recipes

November 1st, the Day of the Dead, is nearly upon us, and that means marigolds, skeletal makeup and altars built to honor the deceased. But don’t forget the food!

It is traditional for celebrants to honor departed loved ones by cooking up their favorite meals and placing a portion on a memorial altar or even on the person’s grave itself, symbolically sharing the food with those who have passed on.

Over at the Fiery Foods Blog, Dave DeWitt, Patrick Holian and former Alibi food editor Gwyneth Doland have put together some Dia de los Muertos appropriate recipes for you to use in your celebration of the lives of those who are now gone. Enjoy!

Food

A Fly in Your Soup?

It’s good protein

Daniella Martin and dessert.
Daniella Martin and dessert.

While I was doing some research for an article about the ABQ BioPark's third annual Creeping, Crawling Cuisine dinner, I found myself in some strange corners of the Internet. Happily, I also discovered the, Girl Meets Bug blog, which is written by one Daniella Martin, a woman who is on a personal crusade to make insect eating hip. Or at least, not reviled.

Her blog covers all manner of related topics, from insectivorous recipes, to cultural critique, to suspenseful descriptions of her pet whip scorpion stalking and eating a grasshopper. Her writing is light and humorous and, as her (unfortunately short-lived) video cooking show proves, she's got a lot of charisma. The insect eating lifestyle couldn't ask for a better ambassador.

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