V.24 No.46 | 11/12/2015
The Daily Word in Russia, Quentin Tarantino and Anonymous
By Desiree Garcia [ Fri Nov 6 2015 1:13 PM ]
This Ohio teen had no idea he’s been considered missing for 13 years until he tried to apply for college. What are the odds?
One New Mexico filmmaker wants to give the public a glimpse into the lives of APD with a web series.
Adele’s management is taking all the fun out of being drunk on social medial.
It’s like the feud between Quentin Tarantino and Police is more drama than high school.
London gets way more than they bargained for during Million Mask March. Protests aren’t supposed to turn violent, right?
Techno and Feminism. What a time to be alive.
V.24 No.44 | 10/29/2015
The Daily Word in Amazon bookstores, more VW fraud and Bad Brains' Dr. Know is on life support
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Nov 3 2015 11:05 AM ]
New Mexico may resolve its impending driver's license problem by offering undocumented immigrants "driving privilege cards".
Uber isn't always cheaper than a taxi, this Halloween reveler discovered.
Stu Walker, the announcer at UNM Lobo basketball and Albuquerque Isotopes games, passed away yesterday.
After destroying locally owned bookstores around the planet, dastardly Amazon begins opening their own brick and mortar stores.
Despite claims by VW that they had come clean about the scope of their emissions fraud, previously unimplicated Porsche and Audi vehicles are discovered to be running the illegal software.
Check out this nifty site that shows where your surname is most prevalent, how many people you share it with and where it originated.
The popular movie in Germany right now is a very funny Hitler comedy.
The IRS is using "Stingray" location software to build cases against its suspects.
V.24 No.45 | 11/5/2015
The Daily Word in the KKK, Star Trek and cats
By Taylor Grabowsky [ Mon Nov 2 2015 1:27 PM ]
Police wives plan support rally for Officer Webster's procession on Tuesday.
Anonymous plans to reveal identities of 1,000 Ku Klux Klan members this Thursday, in wake of the anniversary of the Ferguson protests.
An Omaha woman gets her hand bitten by a tiger after sneaking into the zoo.
Attention Trekkies: New Star Trek series coming in 2017!
Pictures of show cats reveal how they really feel about the whole process.
In men trying to control women news: Principal says dress code is there to preserve girls' virginity.
Ever wonder the history of the backpack? Wonder no more!
Tom Jones, the singer, plans to take a DNA test to see if he has any black ancestry.
V.24 No.44 | 10/29/2015
Halloween DWI Checkpoint in Downtown Albuquerque This Saturday Night
By Geoffrey Plant [ Fri Oct 30 2015 4:19 PM ]
Albuquerque Police want Halloween revelers to know that there will be a sobriety checkpoint somewhere in the Downtown area this Saturday night. Regulars and those living in the area can probably guess that APD will set up their checkpoint at either Central and Broadway or Coal and Broadway. No matter how many news outlets publish this information, APD will still bust some folks driving under the influence. So dress up in your sexy Donald Trump costume and hit the bars downtown, dance, see some music, but if you get too intoxicated to drive—and with the BAC limit at .08%, "too intoxicated" isn't hard to achieve—find another way to get home or to your booty call or dealer's house.
Have a safe Halloween by simply starting your night with a ride from one of Albuquerque's taxi services or, if you're under thirty, Uber. Unfortunately, AAA's Tipsy Tow service appears to have been discontinued in Albuquerque, but Albuquerque Cab does offer a free ride home (10pm-2am, Fri & Sat) through their Tavern Taxi service.
Tavern Taxi: (505)-999-1400
ABQ CAB: (505)-883-4888
Yellow/Checker Cab: (505)-247-8888
Green Cab: (505)-243-6800
The News You Missed
We scoop up what our competition won't touch
By Ty Bannerman [ Fri Oct 30 2015 2:17 PM ]
Once again, it's time for the Alibi's managing editor, me, to dig through the deluge of press releases that come flooding into our email account so I can bring you the stories that our competition isn't brave enough to cover!
Hi Ty, In January the Huffington Post boldly claimed that 2015 is the year of chickpea flour.
Holy shit, 2015 is the year of chickpea flour. And here I am scarfing down bagfuls of sorghum flour like an ignorant rube. Anyway, for those of you who are celebrating this important year, the author of the press release would like to direct your attention to this, the Chickpea Flour Cookbook.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE The Purcell Tire and Service Center in Albuquerque, New Mexico, moved its location in September of 2015.
Didn't see that one in the pages of the Free Press, did you?
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Trigger Electric Bull Horn
This horn man. This horn offers "maximum power in a compact, rugged, bright red package." This horn is loud, and you know it's loud, because Trigger Air Horn's slogan is "Go Loud or Go Home." And they certainly aren't going home. Why? Because THEY ARE GOING LOUD INSTEAD. SO LOUD.
Also, "they are so loud they are not for sale in North Dakota and Wyoming."
Check out their not-very-loud facebook page here. IF YOU CAN HANDLE IT!!!
This Is Making Your Herpes Recovery IMPOSSIBLE
First of all, this subject line is pretty presumptuous. But it's got nothing on the squirm-inducing body of the email, which can be nicely encapsulated in this quote from the release: "A recent scientific discovery now found how the virus can be 'flushed out' of his cranny."
No word on what the cranny-flushing scientific discovery is, or for that matter how we know that herpes is a he. There's a web link included, but I'm not going to post it here because I'm pretty sure that going there will give your computer herpes.
V.24 No.45 | 11/5/2015
The Daily Word Syria, personal zombies and Sandra Bullock
By Desiree Garcia [ Fri Oct 30 2015 12:37 PM ]
Obama sends out Special Operations Forces to Syria.
Local college student creates program to pair service dogs with people who have epilepsy and it’s probably the sweetest thing ever.
What’s better than George Clooney, Matt Damon and Brad Pitt? It’s actually Sandra Bullock leading an all female cast in an Ocean’s Eleven remake!
Check out this pretty awesome video of a dance-off with a police officer!
No plans on Halloween? Set yourself a date with these horror films that will make you wish you made plans instead of being alone and scared in your extremely dark house.
Pizza will never break your heart. Just check out these awesome photos for proof.
Psst. Looking for your own personal zombie for Halloween? Lyft has the hook up.
V.24 No.43 | 10/22/2015
The Daily Word in tripping witches, Trump effigies in the South Valley and Halloween
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Oct 27 2015 10:03 AM ]
The Southwest Chief will continue to roll through New Mexico as usual.
The Green Jeans Farmery shipping container plaza was red-tagged by the city on the eve of its grand opening.
The City is offering "haunted jail tours" at the old metro court.
The South Valley's El Kookooe was a Trump effigy this year, El Koko Trump.
Some dude in Grants, NM got really drunk and killed a friend he thought was transforming into a zombie.
The sex abuse trial of the man who was hired by APS w/out a background check, Jason Martinez, ended in mistrial.
No eggs for minors at this store during Halloween.
Happy Halloween, don't electrocute yourself.
Chewbacca was arrested in Ukraine after violating election laws by campaigning for Darth Vader on Election Day.
Halloween, Halloween, Halloween. Let's take a moment to remind ourselves why witches ride broomsticks and what really makes them fly.
The World Series begins tonight with the Mets vs the Royals in Kansas City.
V.24 No.44 | 10/29/2015
The Daily Word in death, racism and Halloween
By Taylor Grabowsky [ Mon Oct 26 2015 11:39 AM ]
The North Valley insane asylum is being torn down. Well, there go my Halloween plans...
New Mexico Supreme Court rules that assisted suicide is protected under the state constitution.
The 'Final Girl' trope in a horror flick, what's it all about?
Goodbye bacon! Processed meats are now believed to cause cancer.
Ole Miss removes the state flag from their campus because of its blatant racism.
With the holidays coming up, don't you wish you had a way to deal with those pesky racist relatives? Amy Schumer has you covered.
These guys perfectly recreated Andy's room from Toy Story 3.
Peeps have a shelf life of up to two years and other things you'll learn about Halloween candy, according to this graphic.
The Daily Word in The Shining, Twitter and Sesame Street
By Desiree Garcia [ Fri Oct 23 2015 12:35 PM ]
The Stanley Hotel makes The Shining experience come to life.
I bet you wish you worked at Twitter right about now.
Is exploding things with machine guns a hobby of yours? Well Kentucky is the place for you. Check it out!
Nervous to fly? The Sunport has introduced nine therapy dogs to calm your anxiety.
From coffee to condoms, is pumpkin spice taking over the world? Check out everything that’s turned pumpkin spice this fall!
You’ve found cool things hiking, but have you ever found anything as cool as a viking sword?
Sesame Street introduces a new character with autism. How can this show not run forever?
V.24 No.42 | 10/15/2015
The Daily Word in Christmas drones, Billy the Kid and Meatloaf's puppy
Liberal Party candidate Justin Trudeau will be Canada's next Prime Minister
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Oct 20 2015 10:41 AM ]
Another supposed picture of Billy the Kid was the subject of a TV documentary last night.
There was a macabre apparent murder-suicide in Phoenix last Sunday.
Meatloaf picked up an abandoned puppy during his tour stop in Albuquerque.
The trailer for the new Star Wars film is out.
Biodregadable urns make it easier to become an oak tree. Or a peach tree.
Liberal Justin Trudeau will be Canada's next Prime Minister after defeating Conservative Steven Harper in a landslide.
Drones are the big christmas item this year and the US government wants them all registered.
Texas driver swerves and hits a passing motorcyclist. "Doesn't care".
Sad, cute or just weird: this kid had a CVS pharmacy-themed birthday party.
V.24 No.43 | 10/22/2015
The Daily Word in Bearded Villains, SNL spoofs the Democratic debate and Eddie Murphy’s Bill Cosby impression
By Taylor Grabowsky [ Mon Oct 19 2015 11:51 AM ]
UNM has stopped dicking around and is now actually trying to help its students.
What to do when your groom splits before the wedding? Host the reception for area homeless people, of course.
Larry David as Bernie Sanders on SNL is everything this country needs.
Eddie Murphy was presented a Mark Twain Prize for American Humor and surprises the audience with a mini stand-up set.
A group of bearded men were mistaken for ISIS members, but to be fair, their group name is Bearded Villains.
Matchmaker, matchmaker, make me a (dog) match.
Homeland hired graffiti artists to decorate the set, and didn't bother checking the final product.
Here is your Monday morning jam, “Sing” by Pentatonix.
The Daily Word In CNN sues Motel 6, Dismaland shelters refugees and Porno at Target
By Desiree Garcia [ Fri Oct 16 2015 11:55 AM ]
Dismaland attraction turns into a shelter for refugees.
Can CNN really sue for being in the wrong place at the wrong time?
Talk about high quality customer service. Uber and AT&T are working together to stream football games for passengers.
Imagine being able to feel for the first time? Scientists bring the the feeling of touch to prosthetic limbs.
Playboy will no longer be the dirty magazine you once hid under your bed.
V.24 No.42 | 10/15/2015
The News You Missed
Important information from the e-mail archive
By Ty Bannerman [ Fri Oct 16 2015 10:11 AM ]
Sad to say, we here at the Alibi aren’t omniscient. In fact, we can barely even keep up with the press releases that appear in our email inboxes, let alone the doings of all sources of knowledge and information in the universe.
Recently, we decided to stop trying to be omniscient. And then, right after that, we decided to stop trying to keep up with our email in-boxes.
BUT there are still some press releases that get sent to us which for whatever reason we can't fit into the print edition of the paper, but still might be interesting to our readers.
So, here it is, the inaugural roundup of The News You Missed, where the Alibi rescues important press release headlines from the dustbin history.
This headline pretty much sums up why I am not a vegan. But if you're a vegan who loves powder, this is relevant to your interests!
Are you Alibi readers aware of how to behave safely around lead?
Rule #1: Don't eat lead.
Rule #2: Don’t feed it to your baby.
Rule #3: Just leave lead alone. Because you may be tempted to eat it or feed it to your baby.
In conclusion, fuck lead.
Tailgating Story: Throw a Pizza on the Grill
Unfortunately, I can't find a website with this important press release on it, but rest assured that throwing a pizza on a grill is a thing you can do, and a publicist out there thinks it would make a great story.
Sorry, New York, but this happened and there’s nothing anybody can do about it now.
There it is, the News You Missed, gathered up into one convenient blog package so that you, our beloved readers, may now go about the rest of your life as a slightly more informed member of the public. You're welcome.
Check back next Friday for more News You Missed!
The Daily Word in pictures, presidents, and Pitchfork
By Cerridwen Stucky [ Wed Oct 14 2015 12:43 PM ]
Last night’s Democratic debate stirred joy, shade, and worry.
See Pluto from a spacebirds eye view.
KOAT added a webpage for locals to submit pictures, memories, news and more.
Nestle is finally facing some consequences now that there is proof of their illegal water bottling.
The World Beard and Moustache Championships have winners, and you’ll want to take a look at them.
Staff of Edward Scissorhands discuss the making and breaking of the movie.
Popular music site Pitchfork was bought by Conde Nast (publisher of US Vogue, Wired).
V.24 No.41 | 10/08/2015
The Daily Word in Playboy's never-nude future, Gloria Steinam's new gig and Kmart tapes
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Oct 13 2015 9:04 AM ]
An Albuquerque cop hit a fleeing suspect with his personal vehicle.
Local bar Sneakerz is closed for the time being.
Local police neglected to locate a .45 in a man's waistband before booking him into MDC.
Playboy will no longer have nude pictures, just near-nude pictures. And articles.
British authorities will no longer have guards posted 24/7 at the Ecuadorian embassy where Julian Assange is still holed up.
This collection of '80s/'90s Kmart in-store music is worth a listen. Really.
California has stringent new rules limiting the use of antibiotics on livestock.
81 year old Gloria Steinam is now a Vice correspondent.
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