V.23 No.49 |
The Daily Word In Snobby Egyptian Cats, Laughing Gas And Jesus Handing Out Pot
By Amelia Olson [ Wed Dec 10 2014 11:23 AM ]
If you wanna be the new CEO of Abercrombie (apparently they’re still a store) you can be! Because that one guy quit. Or resigned. Or whatever the “cool kids” do.
A local high school creative writing teacher resigned after controversy surrounding a student's story about Jesus handing out pot. (Why wasn’t she our high school creative writing teacher?!)
And who hasn’t demanded a plane be taxied back to its terminal when flight snacks are served inadequately?
This woman dressed as the Abominable Snowman, and her poodle, Lizard, understand the true meaning of Christmas/life.
Any time we’ve asked for a bite of someone’s brownie, it was NEVER laced with pot. Thanks for nothing!
In other more duh-ish news, a scientist thinks laughing gas is a great way to treat depression! Tell my uptight dentist that. He’s stingy with that shit.
And if you have a genius cat, it’s possible she was once an “Egyptian princess” who was “used to being treated like a deity”
The Daily Word in no social security benefits for Nazis, an HBO Johnny Tapia documentary and outrageous details of torture
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Dec 9 2014 3:17 PM ]
The color of the year has been announced.
APD released another image of the man suspected of shooting my favorite 7-11 clerk this past weekend.
A former Nazi charged for his involvement in an infamous WWII massacre in France appears to be off the hook.
In other Nazi-related news, Congress has passed a law that will prevent former Nazis from recieving social security benefits.
All those allegations of torture and cruelty against terrorism suspects in the hands of Americans and their minions turn out to be true and worse than previously alleged according to a report just released.
A private company is winnowing the field of candidates for a one-way mission to Mars.
Check out Boing Boing's gift guide.
Afghanistan just harvested enough opium to equal 90 percent of the world's supply.
V.23 No.49 | 12/4/2014
The Daily Word in burgers, Bond, beer and Brandenburg.
By Carl Petersen & Constance Moss [ Mon Dec 8 2014 12:31 PM ]
There was a gigantic fire in downtown Los Angeles.
Experts say a trend toward special orders threatens the delicate balance of speed and profitablity in the burger universe.
Happy deathday, John Lennon.
There is no shortage of red crabs.
Study up on the latest booze trend: American single malt whiskey.
The world’s largest truffle sold for $61k at auction.
Chlorine gas brought tragedy to the Midwest FurFest.
Has the mystery of the Tjipeter rubber blocks been solved?
James Bond probes the Doily Danger Zone.
The Lizard Squad knocked the PlayStation network offline for hours just to be mean.
As a beer city, Albuquerque ranks high.
Accusers think Kari Brandenburg inappropriately tried to protect her son from criminal charges.
A little girl died in a crash on Coors this morning.
Happy birthday, David Carradine.
V.23 No.49 |
The Daily Word in an albino deer, Cleveland police and Hillary Clinton
By Mark Lopez [ Fri Dec 5 2014 9:36 AM ]
A US Department of Justice report has called out Cleveland police for using deadly or lethal force.
Former Pentagon official Ashton Carter is Obama's pick to run for defense secretary.
An unarmed man in Arizona was fatally shot by a police officer who mistook his pill bottle for a handgun.
Hillary Clinton's thoughts about the hardships and pressures of being president of the United States.
Loretta E. Lynch is heading a federal inquiry into the death of Eric Garner (who died in Staten Island when a police officer placed him in a chokehold), which could affect her nomination for attorney general.
A 10-year-old Albuquerque boy is headed to Japan this coming summer to climb its tallest mountain to raise funds for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.
Today, the Courts, Corrections and Justice Committee is scheduled to discuss the DOJ's suggested plans and blueprints over police reform.
An Albuquerque man is warning holiday shoppers to be careful after his son and some friends were robbed at gunpoint.
New legislation is in the works in New Mexico, which would allow court-ordered outpatient treatment for mentally ill individuals.
A Missouri hunter who caught a lot of flack for killing an albino deer has decided to have the animal stuffed and to donate the meat to a needy family.
The Daily Word in burning Marilyn's dresses, the last Southern Democrat and Crispin Hellion Glover
By Samantha Anne Carrillo [ Thu Dec 4 2014 12:30 PM ]
An 80-year-old New Mexican man plans to have his collection of Marilyn Monroe's clothing burned in Zozobra after his death. It's, like, in his will. And it seems a fitting tribute to the life of an actress whose flame burned intensely and all too briefly.
US headline OTD? DC bans pot testing of job applicants via WaPo; okay, okay, it's not exactly catchy, but I sure hope it's catching.
The City has hired a local NAACP leader named Harold Bailey, but the choice remains controversial. According to a quoted source, Bailey has "sold his soul."
You know what Downtown needs? If you guessed "a temporary ice skating rink," bingo! This could only turn out well, no?
Oh and did I mention that Crispin Hellion Glover is coming? Rhetorical! In fact, he's probably already here. Scope our interview with the actor/author/auteur, "Begging the Question(s): Crispin Hellion Glover talks critical thought, propaganda and taboo." Visit with Glover on Friday and Saturday night at The Guild Cinema.
And Devin D. O'Leary schools us on Hollywood holidaze in this year's Alibi Holiday Film Guide.
Is Mary Landrieu the last Southern Democrat? The Atlantic weighs in.
Tim Walker's photographs of fairy queen Tilda Swinton are (like most anything Swinton-related) rad.
V.23 No.48 |
The Daily Word In Chocolate Chip Cookie Hair Ties, Pomeranian Elvis And Coca-Cola Milk.
By Amelia Olson [ Wed Dec 3 2014 11:36 AM ]
Our kids are dancing! They’re dancing and focusing and doing their chores! Hallelujah!
Here, let Tony Blair show you how to pose gracefully for a Christmas card.
A former UPS employee is suing the company for allegedly firing her for being pregnant.
Science says alcohol gives us energy and we’ve probably been drinking it for millions of years! Cheers!
Coca-Cola will soon sell milk! And by the looks of their advertisements, that milk is going to be sexy! LOL. LOL. LOL.
This Pomeranian dressed like Elvis understands life better than any of us ever will.
Japan-based company makes realistic looking, creepy food jewelry. We want the spaghetti necklace, banana hair clip and chocolate chip cookie hair tie!
Save nudity and “pornography” for Coca-Cola milk products, Florida!
The Daily Word in Charles Manson does not have a gift registry -or does he?
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Dec 2 2014 1:26 PM ]
It's true. The Pit is now deliciously called the WisePies Arena.
APD fired the officer that shot Mary Hawkes sans lapel camera footage.
The unidentified, phantom shooter in ABQ's SE Heights yesterday has caused an elementary school to be staffed by "extra security."
Today a fairly eloquent, top-hatted man came into the alibi offices and made his stance known vis a vis Albuquerque's ordinance against feeding pigeons. How do alibi readers feel? How do you guess the top-hatted man feels?
Charles Manson is engaged. Charles Manson does not have a wedding registry.
UK porn production will be stifled by this recent outlawing of acts.
Maurice Sendak's estate is in the hands of a former caretaker who either has his best interests in mind or is limiting accessibility to his effects and art collection.
The Reagan-era ban on homosexual men donating blood may soon be over.
Here is a six hour long video of The Count reciting pi to 10,000.
Turns out, Mingus couldn't work without the cat shit.
V.23 No.49 | 12/4/2014
The Daily Word in slavery, sitcoms and sandwiches.
By Carl Petersen & Constance Moss [ Mon Dec 1 2014 1:58 PM ]
The FBI says soldiers should get off social media.
Darren Wilson resigned from the Ferguson PD.
Mickey Rourke’s boxing victory was rigged.
A long-lost masterpiece was found in the movie Stuart Little.
How many jokes-per-minute does your favorite sitcom average?
David Bowie hates “The Little Drummer Boy.”
Thanksgiving leftover sandwiches are a thing.
What’s your favorite Mondegreen?
The new Star Wars trailer is out.
The lights are up on Santa Fe plaza.
A Taos woman had a 1972 encounter with a man in a Cosby suit.
Mom ratted on Byron for murder.
Local sub shops were robbed and use only the freshest of ingredients.
Happy birthday, Charlene Tilton.
And now a word from our sponsors.
V.23 No.48 |
The Daily Word in a 9-year-old's arrest, an Austin shooting and Barbie's decline
By Mark Lopez [ Fri Nov 28 2014 9:24 AM ]
An Ohio teacher is recovering from her sixth surgery after four teens dropped a 4.5lb rock on her car and crushed her skull.
Forget Barbie. It's all about the Frozen toys this year.
Today, the UN Committee Against Torture urged the US to “fully investigate and prosecute police brutality and shootings of unarmed black youth.”
Due to an injunction for acting like a taxi company, Uber has suspended its transportation operations in Nevada.
KRQE's got you covered of you wanna read a little about Black Friday before venturing out into the unknown (if you haven't already done so).
Wanna see all the crazy stuff the TSA has found in people's bags? Note: Be glad they check this stuff.
A 20-year-old man accused of fatally shooting a teenage couple last month in Santa Fe is being returned to the City Different.
The new I-25/Paseo overpass currently in construction will be “cast in colors that mimic the sun hitting the Sandia Mountains.”
A 9-year-old girl was arrested and charged with battery for allegedly punching her 6-year-old sister in the head.
V.23 No.47 |
The Daily Word In Pissing Kate Middleton Off, Dogs Dressed Up As Turkeys And A 6-Year-Old Girl's Skateboarding Posse
By Amelia Olson [ Wed Nov 26 2014 12:14 PM ]
It’s Wednesday November 26th and this rude ass storm is ruining Thanksgiving!
Meanwhile in Southern California, three six-year-old girls are cooler than we will ever be, and skateboard all the damn time.
In Pakistan, 20-year-old Aansoo Kohli teaches 150 children in a shed, isn’t paid for the job, and is finishing her Bachelors Degree,
And if you’re American and you're reading this from your tent outside Best Buy while you wait for a 99 cent TV, joke's on you! You’re doing it wrong!
A local “cafeteria angel” is paying off student lunch debts at elementary schools anonymously and depositing money into needy families' bank accounts, because apparently some people care about other people?
And while the rest of us are consuming questionable amounts of alcohol this “holiday” season and arguing with our racist in-laws, these dogs are all that really matter this Thanksgiving.
Americans can't do anything right. We can’t even dress ourselves! Which really pisses Kate Midleton off. C'mon, you guys! Get it together!
Merry happy Thanksgiving, or whatever. Don’t drink and drive.
The Daily Word in riots in Ferguson again, Kim Jong-Un's trouser snake and Kirk Cameron
By Geoffrey Plant [ Tue Nov 25 2014 2:40 PM ]
The little Mexican boy with the huge tumor had one third of it removed in Albuquerque!
This woman's attempt at framing an APD cop for sexual assault failed.
The news that Ferguson, MO officer Darren Wilson would not be facing criminal charges brought protesters out to Albuquerque's Central Avenue.
Conflicting and inconsistent testimony is the likely reason Darren Wilson was not indicted in the shooting of Michael Brown.
Here is a summary of Darren Wilson's testimony about the shooting.
The NRA has an argument for keeping toy guns real-looking. It is stupid.
Kirk Cameron is in the news for something stupid again.
Behold The Morbid Anatomy Museum!
Kim Jong-Un has gotten very fat and supposedly has E.D.
Check out this 5,500 year old stone-age axe, with wooden handle, that was discovered in Denmark.
And now for an incredibly offensive WWII Bugs Bunny propaganda cartoon!
V.23 No.48 | 11/27/2014
The Daily Word in Cosby, Crosby, Cyrus and Pooh
By Carl Petersen & Constance Moss [ Mon Nov 24 2014 12:33 PM ]
Marion Barry died.
An ex-NBC employee claims he stood guard at Cosby’s dressing room door.
Kohler unveils an odor-eliminating toilet seat.
A giant isopod stopped eating and died.
Venice is going to ban wheeled suitcases. They’re noisy.
Kean University bought a $219k conference table from China.
There are rules for dating Miley Cyrus.
Lee Harvey Oswald died on this day in 1963.
There was a fatal crash at 4th and Montano this morning.
Happy birthday, Denise Crosby.
V.23 No.47 |
The Daily Word in Grandmas Who Get High, Ryan Gosling's "Twin Soul" Stalker and America Doesn't Need Gun Regulations, Duh!
By Amelia Olson [ Fri Nov 21 2014 11:53 AM ]
It’s Friday November 21st 2014 and people still send things in the mail!
Meanwhile in California, a totally stable and pretty nice lady left a doll catalog on the front steps of Ryan Gosling's house, because she is his “twin soul”. This happened after Gosling's sister didn’t respond to the woman’s countless emails. RUDE.
And turtles really loved Truth or Consequences 90 million years ago.
If any of you wondered what your grandma does between reading Readers Digest and eating at Crackle Barrel, here’s a clue ,
Add College Universities to the most terrifying places to coexist.
AnD cOpS hErE rEaLly Do JuSt Go WiTh ThE *f~l*o~w*~*!
Truly meaningful things happen all the time,
And this Golden Retriever lived out what we all dream of doing at buffets.
CALL THE FBI! WE NEED TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF HOW THIS MISSING NEW MEXICAN KITTEN ENDED UP IN A DUFFEL BAG IN MAINE!
And even though the world is mostly terrible, this 100 year old woman visited the ocean for the first time in her life on an all expenses paid vacation.
The Daily Word in bad doctors, accidental shootings and America's talent
By August March [ Thu Nov 20 2014 2:30 PM ]
Dr. Christopher S. Driskill, an OB-Gyn who is to be the next president the New Mexico Medical Society, had his license suspended over claims that he drank and had sex with patients while on the job.
A section of the lower NE Heights is once again known as the "Mile-Hi District".
The Denny's across from UNM, a semi-frequent location on the teevee show Breaking Bad is moving to a new building in the Southeast Heights.
A local teenager was accidentally killed with a stolen gun.
State Auditor Hector Balderas released a written review that was very critical of the Bernalillo County Treasurer's Office. Balderas is deeply concerned that "public officials who are entrusted with the investment of public funds violated their fiduciary duties."
A so-far unindicted Detective Keith Sandy is retiring.
Molina Healthcare is moving some of its operations (and 650 employees) into the CenturyLink Building in downtown Burque.
Albuquerque wants to be the "most entrepreneur-friendly city in the nation" says Victor Hwang over at Forbes.
"America's Got Talent" producer Justin Heath will be in the Duke City come January to audition potential contestants.
V.23 No.46 |
The Daily Word in how not to get raped by Bill Cosby
By Ty Bannerman [ Wed Nov 19 2014 9:01 AM ]
Good morning, it's Wednesday, November 19,
the detective who joked about shooting James Boyd right before he actually shot James Boyd is retiring from the force. It is unknown whether or not he is the same officer who shouted “Booyah!” after pulling the trigger,
researchers are studying the last election to determine how much impact voter ID laws had on turnout
and it turns out that Barbie is a terrible computer engineer. Luckily, she has boys to help her.
Meanwhile, much like pudding pop commercials in the ‘80s, the rape allegations against Bill Cosby keep on coming!
But this CNN host has some helpful tips on how to avoid being raped by Bill Cosby. Listen up ladies!
and Netflix has decided that now might not be the best time to air their Bill Cosby comedy special.
Have a great day!
From Flaccid To Fantastic! at Self Serve
This lecture covers and discusses the common causes of erectile dysfunction.
Bathhouse • Hollow Tongue • hardcore • North • Oryx at Burt's Tiki Lounge
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