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The Daily Word in more Afghani murders, driving baby, the influence of Hunger Games

One of bin Laden’s wives talks about life on the run.

Police say Afghani cop murdered nine of his coworkers while they slept.

City law may prohibit firefighter from running for state legislature.

He’s just a poor (drunk) boy, he needs no sympathy. That said, nice rendition, but he probably has nothing on Chico the stolen Queen-singing parrot.

Baby behind the wheel.

Jennifer Lawrence is making people get all Robin Hood.

This American Bandstand-style Nine Inch Nails video from 20 years ago is about as hardcore "Full House."

Shit to say to your colleagues.

Dude named Jesse James gets all hammered and jumps on a cop car ... while wearing a sombrero.

Spike Lee pays out Florida couple over erroneous Trayvon Martin tweet.

C’mon, we all know Mitt is gonna take the nomination. The guy looks “presidential,” whatever that means.

Alibi Picks

Guaranteed to Blow Your Mind

I don't know of an official study on it, but I'd say with certainty that "Killer Queen" is played just as often at frat parties and sporting events as it is at gay bars. If, like this Queen fanatic, you're of the opinion that fat bottom girls do indeed make the rockin' world go ’round, you should rhapsodize with Gary Mullen and the Works at Popejoy Hall tonight at 7:30 p.m. The acclaimed Queen cover act does an interactive show, inviting concertgoers to sing along to tunes that include 18 No. 1 singles.

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The Daily Word in Weiner and Wiener, sunscreen and making out

Video of a Sandoval County deputy stun gunning a 16-year-old girl for disobeying him.

Rep. Weiner is resigning post-Twitter scandal.

Bernalillo County Commissioner Wiener not resigning post-rape joke.

Rep. Steve Pearce is asking the National Guard to look into a racism complaint by Spc. Adam Jarrell. (Read an Alibi interview with Jarrell.)

Naked beluga whale taming.

UNM football player arrested for refusing to pull up his saggy pants, according to airplane crew.

Monsoons supposed to follow dry winters. WTF New Mexico weather?

What is a bohemian rhapsody?

The Baconery.

Life expectancy of women declines in U.S.

Two people making out during a riot.

Conan O’Brien’s honest commencement speech: “No specific job or career goal defines me or should define you.”

commentary

Hooker Buying Dead People with no Friends and Toilets

All these bad things having to do with the name John

By far the worst thing associated with the name John. Stossell. Ah!!!
planetdan.net
By far the worst thing associated with the name John. Stossell. Ah!!!

I don’t want to complain but I can’t help but notice three things attached to the name John which bother me: people who patronize hookers, toilets and unidentified dead people. Not to mention John Stossel. (cringe.)
A friend of mine referred to tall hillbillies as Bojohns the other day. According to www.chasclifton.com, Bojohn is an ethnic slur that refers to people of Polish descent and is used mainly by older people in Pueblo, Colorado. It makes sense my friend would use this term as he hales from Colorado, even if he is using it incorrectly.
I think I speak for Johns everywhere when I say that the madness must end.
A little research was required on the topic so I went to the nearest thing humanity will ever have to god--Wikipedia.
Let us begin with toilets. Not a bad thing but I don’t like my name being associated with a feces disposal apparatus. I don’t care if they were invented thousands of years before I was born.
According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, a chap by the name of John Harington invented a precursor to the modern toilet in the 1500s. He wrote a book about it and was subsequently banned from the court of Queen Elizabeth I.
Next there is the practice of calling a person who frequents prostitutes “Johns.” According to my lord and savior, Wikipedia. This may have started when customers gave their name as “John” to remain anonymous. No further explanation is given. Why not Todd or Chad? In the United Kingdom they are called “punters.”
Finally there is the John Doe, not the bass player from X but the unidentified corpse in the morgue. Wiki/God tells me that John Doe can also be a placeholder name for an unidentified party in a law suit. Unidentified women and children are called Jane Does and Baby Does, respectively.
In any case, knock it off. I have enough problems without being equated with toilets, desperate men and dead people with no friends. Stossel is such a better word anyway.

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